Well, first thing I want to mention is that the link isn't at all what I have in mind when I have PT over to my house. But, I found it an intersting result when I Googled "romantic evening at home". But seriously? A lavendar heart-shaped wreath? LOL!
Moving on. PT is a man I've been seeing since we met on Halloween last year. We both have incredibly busy schedules. I'll explain in more detail at some point. But, I've asked him a couple of times to come visit me where I live, and he always has a (good) reason why he can't make that happen. I've been trying to be patient and not insecure or jump to conclusions, but it is getting more frustrating each time something comes up that is more pressing that working on our relationship.
Relationship is a word that may be a little strong for what we are. I like him a lot, but in the five months we've known each other, we haven't gotten very far. We've never spent more than four hours (awake) together. There is still so much I don't know about him. There is still so much he doesn't know about me. But, for reasons unknown to me, he is the man I'm emotionally investing in exclusively for now. We haven't discussed exclusivity, and I hope we don't any time soon, but I can't help my heart feeling what it feels. Believe my, I've tested my ability to want more than just him. It didn't go so well.
But, on to the part that includes my grandmother. She is a huge fan of PT. I mean, it's to the point of over-reaching. She's never met him, she's never even seen him. She only knows about him what I've told her. Don't get me wrong, I've told her a lot, that woman can ask questions for 2 hours straight and still come up with more. But she's is in PT's corner. And she thinks a key to taking our relationship to the next level involves him coming to visit me. Did I mention we live in different cities? Even a day trip would make a difference, so she's right in that aspect.
But I can't shake the feeling that my grandmother in inferring more than just show him I know how to keep house. I won't dwell on that point, but I find it amusing that my grandmother is helping me plot to win this man's heart. One of my best friends, we'll call her Top, would always advise against plotting. She's all about organic development of relationships. That works for her. This works for me. I'm not planning out every detail of every encounter, but I have in my mind the basic structure of what I would like to happen. It's super flexible, of course, but it makes me feel more in control of the situation and less emotional. I don't like being emotional even a little bit if I can help it, but that's a story for another time.
There is one problem with this plan I have in my head of how I'll make my time when PT comes to visit me go spectactularly: PT keeps being not able to come! He agreed that he would look at his schedule and see about coming up here this week while his students are on Spring Break. But then he called me today to say that his boss had some problem with some project that wasn't finished to his liking, and now he's taking the time to get it done.
We just had a talk, not even three days ago about how he regrets that his personal life always seems to come last to everything else. I told him that was definitely the way it was and it sucked, but I understood the demands on his time. It's true. The things he does are so meaningful to so many people, and I would never dream of asking him to do something different. But I can't help but feel neglected and fear that he will never ever find that balance. But here's hoping he gets his work done and gets his butt up here. I really don't wanna have that conversation with my grandmother and tell her he changed his plans yet again.
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