I wrote about PT on my main blog tonight, so here's a link to that.
And everything time I think I've got my mind made up, something happens to change it. That's the problem with being a Libra, nothing is ever certain as long as I'm still living. So, I thought I was done hearing from August. But I finally decided to check my Facebook page and there he was, instant messaging me. I love that Facebook added that feature, it allows me to talk to people I wouldn't otherwise have time (or the convenient means) to talk to very often.
I also was able to catch up with some of the younger sibling of the Ex. He has seven younger siblings (very large family) and when we broke up, I refused to let go of his family. For once, a breakup didn't mean I had to lose a connection with a wonderful family. What can I say? I'm a family person, I like to know where the person I'm dating came from. And I'd like to think of myself as the big sister they never had (or at least won't have until one of the top four gets married). One of these days, I'll tell that story, which ends with the moral I should never date Virgos. PT is confirming that for me right now.
But back to August. He annoyed me so much the past weekend in Chicago that I was ready to throw in the towel. I've never had the desire to give him an honest shot and I just chalk that up to chemistry or whatever. I was ready to move on. But then he instant messages me on Facebook and reminds me why I like him. He's just easy to talk to. And he has this passion for me that is romantic and refreshing and flattering. And most importantly, has no creepy factor to it. We were just catching up and talking, and he was so sweet. We talked for hours. I had forgotten we had that ability to do so. The last time he made a big push for us was when the Ex had come back and we were doing our Toxic Limbo Thing. So I wasn't even in the mindset to hear it. That didn't end well and my memory forgot that he can be really emjoyable company. And it doesn't matter if it's through the internet, over the phone, or in person.
He said some really amazing things to me. He told me I was like the perfect martini mix. That sounds kinda cheesy, but in context is was amazing. It was like that scene in the movie Brown Sugar where Taye Diggs tells Sanaa Lathan that she was the perfect verse over a tight beat (or something like that). It was specific to us (we both love martinis and they are very integral to a great date we had back in 2008)and a metaphor that I understood but still got sweeter when he chose to explain it.
He did things I haven't done in so long. He complimented me. He shared things about himself that were unexpected and refreshing. He discussed current events with me. I'm all about current events, but I tend to shy away from discussing them because I always get disappointed with other peoples' lack of knowledge or opinion about anything and everything going on in the world today.
When August comes along and reminds me that a man exists that does and has all these things I want, it always confuses me. It makes me re-think what I've decided. I feel bad that I've never given him a real chance. I remember how easy it would be to be with someone like him.
But here's the problem. I just don't feel a passion for him. With me, passion doesn't always come on day one. With the Ex, it developed over a while (I couldn't remember this, but luckily I kept a diary during that time to remind of the facts of the situation.). It could be that way with August too. But it seems he'll never get top billing unless he were the last man on earth.
If PT were to call me right now, all would be forgiven and I'd be happy again as if he hadn't spent the last three months borderline neglecting me. August would never do that to me. He was raised to be a good Christian man and he turns 30 this year, so he's doing the biological clock itch thing. He wants to be married and start a life with someone. Someone like me he says. He's not set on me and me alone. He dates other people and tries to start things with them. It's just that nothing has woked out yet. I feel badly for August. It would be so easy for both of us if I would just cooperate. Why can't I make my heart want what I know would be good for it?
Update on Top & Jack: I think they may be truly done. Another Cancer-Libra pairing crashes and burns. A tiny part of me is still holding out hope though...
Showing posts with label August. Show all posts
Showing posts with label August. Show all posts
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Bad & Jordan
I figure now is a good time to explain Bad's love life since I've talked about Top. At a later date, I'll explain more about Noni, and also Lion. Bad, as I've mentioned is one of my best friends. I should explain how we became best friends first. We actually met when we like born. Our families know each other through business or political or government connections or something like that. His birthday is 4 days before mine. So we've known each other our whole lives technically. Except his family lived outside of Illinois for most of our childhood, so we didn't reconnect until college. His father and my mother thought it would be a good idea for us to date. Neither of us is opposed to going on a date setup by our parents because both of us have great parents with good taste who know us well. Either way, we went out and greatly enjoyed each other's company. Long story short, we didn't work out as a couple. We liked each other's company because we're basically the same person with different sex parts, lol. Neither of us is narcissistic enough to want to date someone who is exactly like us, so we took about six months as time away and then came back and quickly became the best of friends, which is where we should've started in the first place. If only to belabor my point, I call Bad when I want to know how I feel about something when I'm not so emotionally invested. He's able to tell me, and he's always right. I do that for him too (though less often, he is a dude).
Now, onto Bad and Jordan. Jordan is his girlfriend with whom he is completely in love. I'm so happy for them. He actually met her during college, shortly before he and I "dated." Around the time he and I were testing out our just-friends theory, he was finally extricating himself from his unfortunate ex, whom we'll call Natasha. She was a piece of work, a shining example why people shouldn't date outside their religion. Anyway, he decided he wanted another shot with Jordan. She had gone to Europe to study abroad after their last separation (that word does not describe their ending, I'll just leave that alone) and she had just gotten back. He pursued her and eventually she gave in because she loved him and wanted to believe he had changed and was no longer deathly afraid of monogamy and commitment. Well, lucky her, he meant it!! And I'd like to think I have a bit to do with it. They live in different cities (for now) and Bad likes to go out. I like being out with him because although of small stature, I can scare people off from feeling comfortable enough to approach. So when I'm with hanging out with Bad, women and men keep their distance. It works well, even on a certain chick from the past we'll just call Moe. We ran into her one time and I was glad to see she had learned to keep her distance from him. But even if I weren't there, Bad would be able to handle himself, he just wouldn't have the barrier that kept people from even bothering to approach.
Bad and Jordan are currently at the place where they are looking to move in together. May I just say that I do not know of any couples who have been married for more than 25 years who are still wanting to be married who didn't first shack up. It's the thing to do apparently. I'm all for it, I even helped him look for apartments one weekend while I was in town for a bachelorette party. He even told me he could see himself married to her. I've known this man for a while, and there's not much we wouldn't talk about. And we've discussed literally every important relationship is his life going back to like 7th grade. He's never said that about a woman before. Never. So, this could be the real deal. Because he loves her. And she's so good for him. She's a 6/6 on the yes scale.
And they work hard to make it work. In a normal month (one without emergencies or vacations), they see each other twice. He goes down to her and she comes up to him. They have even been on a couples vacation together. They're so cute too! They're children will be gorgeous. I try not to say that to him cause it kinda freaks him out. He's visualized up to marriage and he wants kids in the abstract, not specific yet, lol.
My Yes Scale: I ask three simple questions that have to have the answer of yes, not yes sometimes, but unequivocally yes. And it has to be a separate yes for each member of the relationship. 1) Are you happier being in this relationship that you were outside of it? 2) Does this relationship make you a better person? 3) Is the relationship healthy?
You'd be surprised how many people can't get a 6/6. If it's not 100% all the time, that's life. But if you're considering ending the relationship and it's not 6/6 and not even close to getting there, it might be time to leave.
Update on August: I haven't heard from him since I didn't reply to his text. I probably won't be mentioning him again until this time next year, lol. I promise to work on being a better person.
Update on PT: Nothing to report. Right now I'm just thinking how much nicer it would be to date someone with actual free time so that when I'm sick (like I've been the last couple of days), they could even notice and maybe bring me chicken soup.
Update on Top and Jack: He won't return her texts or calls. He seems to be overestimating the stability of their relationship. If he decides next week to call her, he probably won't get an answer. Once she decides to cut you off, you're done. Like for real done. I have my fingers crossed because I really like him for her.
Now, onto Bad and Jordan. Jordan is his girlfriend with whom he is completely in love. I'm so happy for them. He actually met her during college, shortly before he and I "dated." Around the time he and I were testing out our just-friends theory, he was finally extricating himself from his unfortunate ex, whom we'll call Natasha. She was a piece of work, a shining example why people shouldn't date outside their religion. Anyway, he decided he wanted another shot with Jordan. She had gone to Europe to study abroad after their last separation (that word does not describe their ending, I'll just leave that alone) and she had just gotten back. He pursued her and eventually she gave in because she loved him and wanted to believe he had changed and was no longer deathly afraid of monogamy and commitment. Well, lucky her, he meant it!! And I'd like to think I have a bit to do with it. They live in different cities (for now) and Bad likes to go out. I like being out with him because although of small stature, I can scare people off from feeling comfortable enough to approach. So when I'm with hanging out with Bad, women and men keep their distance. It works well, even on a certain chick from the past we'll just call Moe. We ran into her one time and I was glad to see she had learned to keep her distance from him. But even if I weren't there, Bad would be able to handle himself, he just wouldn't have the barrier that kept people from even bothering to approach.
Bad and Jordan are currently at the place where they are looking to move in together. May I just say that I do not know of any couples who have been married for more than 25 years who are still wanting to be married who didn't first shack up. It's the thing to do apparently. I'm all for it, I even helped him look for apartments one weekend while I was in town for a bachelorette party. He even told me he could see himself married to her. I've known this man for a while, and there's not much we wouldn't talk about. And we've discussed literally every important relationship is his life going back to like 7th grade. He's never said that about a woman before. Never. So, this could be the real deal. Because he loves her. And she's so good for him. She's a 6/6 on the yes scale.
And they work hard to make it work. In a normal month (one without emergencies or vacations), they see each other twice. He goes down to her and she comes up to him. They have even been on a couples vacation together. They're so cute too! They're children will be gorgeous. I try not to say that to him cause it kinda freaks him out. He's visualized up to marriage and he wants kids in the abstract, not specific yet, lol.
My Yes Scale: I ask three simple questions that have to have the answer of yes, not yes sometimes, but unequivocally yes. And it has to be a separate yes for each member of the relationship. 1) Are you happier being in this relationship that you were outside of it? 2) Does this relationship make you a better person? 3) Is the relationship healthy?
You'd be surprised how many people can't get a 6/6. If it's not 100% all the time, that's life. But if you're considering ending the relationship and it's not 6/6 and not even close to getting there, it might be time to leave.
Update on August: I haven't heard from him since I didn't reply to his text. I probably won't be mentioning him again until this time next year, lol. I promise to work on being a better person.
Update on PT: Nothing to report. Right now I'm just thinking how much nicer it would be to date someone with actual free time so that when I'm sick (like I've been the last couple of days), they could even notice and maybe bring me chicken soup.
Update on Top and Jack: He won't return her texts or calls. He seems to be overestimating the stability of their relationship. If he decides next week to call her, he probably won't get an answer. Once she decides to cut you off, you're done. Like for real done. I have my fingers crossed because I really like him for her.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Top & Jack
So, Top is my best female friend. She has a boyfriend. We'll call him Jack. He is a Libra. She is a Cancer. That is like oil and water relationship-wise, but fireworks sex-wise. I am all too familiar with the Cancer-Libra toxicity. There are a number of Cancer men who I've been enthralled with when we were just hanging out as friends. But as soon as the talk turns to developing a relationship, things crash and burn on an epic level. I'm not exaggerating, it's seriously epic.
So, Jack and Top met at work. He pursued her. She told him she wasn't interested in getting into a relationship thing because she had just gotten out of a relationship that ended badly (very badly) and she wasn't interested in putting herself out there like that again any time soon. But they had amazing chemistry and he broke her down. They met right around the time I met PT, but they moved forward at a much faster pace, thanks to Jack.
He has done things like purchase her really expensive gifts, tell her he loves her, and spends the night as often as she'll let him. All this before she's even known him for five months. My girl Top is very independent and very careful with what she does with her heart. She is like that all the way through a relationship. Her last relationship lasted for almost 6 years. Jack hasn't even known her for half a year, so he doesn't get these things. His last relationship ended because he proposed and she said no. You'd think he'd be more careful with his heart, that's what Top thought. I tried to tell her, he's a Libra (like me), and he is going to do no such thing.
Libras like to be in love and in like and the quicker we can get there, the better. She truly doesn't get that. That is actually the crux of the problem with the Libra-Cancer relationship demise. We truly see relaionships very differently and often get too upset or lose concern, so the differences never get sorted out into a middle ground.
Top and Jack seem on their way to an epic crash and burn. That makes me sad because when she realized she really liked him she said she would do her best to break the Cancer-Libra curse. I was hoping she really meant it. I think she did at the time, but when things started to get tough, she lost her will to fight. In her defense, he really put his foot in it. He told her he loved her and then said he didn't want to rush her feelings. But then when she still hadn't said it back after a week, he proceeded to try to "test" her to see if he could elicit the feelings another way. This pissed her off because his tricks weren't exactly subtle and she called him on it, leading to a fight. I don't see how he could genuinely be upset that she doesn't love him yet. It hasn't even been 6 months! Even I'm not that crazy of a Libra, lol. But I do get how he hates the idea of being out there on that love limb by himself. But if he can deal with that and she can stop freaking out because he sees things a little differently than her, they may make it. I'll keep posting as things develop.
Me Update: PT and me are fine in case anyone reading yesterday's post thinks differently. We're just us, enjoying each other's company and seeing where it goes. August texted me today, I didn't respond. At some point, I'll need to figure out a better way of behaving towards him...
So, Jack and Top met at work. He pursued her. She told him she wasn't interested in getting into a relationship thing because she had just gotten out of a relationship that ended badly (very badly) and she wasn't interested in putting herself out there like that again any time soon. But they had amazing chemistry and he broke her down. They met right around the time I met PT, but they moved forward at a much faster pace, thanks to Jack.
He has done things like purchase her really expensive gifts, tell her he loves her, and spends the night as often as she'll let him. All this before she's even known him for five months. My girl Top is very independent and very careful with what she does with her heart. She is like that all the way through a relationship. Her last relationship lasted for almost 6 years. Jack hasn't even known her for half a year, so he doesn't get these things. His last relationship ended because he proposed and she said no. You'd think he'd be more careful with his heart, that's what Top thought. I tried to tell her, he's a Libra (like me), and he is going to do no such thing.
Libras like to be in love and in like and the quicker we can get there, the better. She truly doesn't get that. That is actually the crux of the problem with the Libra-Cancer relationship demise. We truly see relaionships very differently and often get too upset or lose concern, so the differences never get sorted out into a middle ground.
Top and Jack seem on their way to an epic crash and burn. That makes me sad because when she realized she really liked him she said she would do her best to break the Cancer-Libra curse. I was hoping she really meant it. I think she did at the time, but when things started to get tough, she lost her will to fight. In her defense, he really put his foot in it. He told her he loved her and then said he didn't want to rush her feelings. But then when she still hadn't said it back after a week, he proceeded to try to "test" her to see if he could elicit the feelings another way. This pissed her off because his tricks weren't exactly subtle and she called him on it, leading to a fight. I don't see how he could genuinely be upset that she doesn't love him yet. It hasn't even been 6 months! Even I'm not that crazy of a Libra, lol. But I do get how he hates the idea of being out there on that love limb by himself. But if he can deal with that and she can stop freaking out because he sees things a little differently than her, they may make it. I'll keep posting as things develop.
Me Update: PT and me are fine in case anyone reading yesterday's post thinks differently. We're just us, enjoying each other's company and seeing where it goes. August texted me today, I didn't respond. At some point, I'll need to figure out a better way of behaving towards him...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Interesting Weekend
So, my time with PT wasn't particularly eventful. It can be read about on my main blog. I do however have an interesting story to tell that doesn't concern PT.
This weekend was a conference I go to. I didn't register for the conference this time as it was in Chicago. I did have a boatload of fun when the conference was in New York and also when it was in New Orleans. This man, we'll call him August, was part of that fun.
I know him from college. He's older than me but a few years behind me because he was in the Navy before starting college. He's on the medical track same as me, so he always goes to these conferences too. In New York, I ran into him when a conference event was cancelled. We hadn't seen each other since I graduated, so we decided to go on the date we never got around to having while in college together. I should digress here to say that while I find this guy interesting and attractive, that certain something isn't really there to make me want him. I don't know what it is, but he digs me. I wish I could say the same cause he's a great guy.
So we went out to a great restaurant in New York and had a good time. We didn't see each other again (a FAMU visit by me where I talked to him for like 10 minutes in the science building notwithstanding) until the next year in New Orleans. We had a lovely day where we hung out on Bourbon Street, had dinner at Morton's Steakhouse and went dancing with my friends who live in NOLA. It should have been the start of a beautiful relationship because he showed me very clearly that he was interested and could treat me very well. But the timing was weird (the Ex. He won't get a name, he's just the Ex.) and I tried to explain to him that I just didn't want that type of relationship with him.
Fast forward to this year. He's the one who got me the extra ticket to the banquet. I was going to take him to this Thai restaurant in town. I couldn't turn him down. The restaurant is BYOB and he had purchased us a bottle of Riesling, which is my absolute favorite!!! And after all, PT and I have never discussed exclusivity and I'm not going to go around assuming that we are more than we are.
I go to the banquet because he said we didn't have time to go to the Thai restaurant. I told him I couldn't be up late because I had church in the morning. He basically ignored me the entire banquet because he was organizing something for the Region or whatever. Then he was upset with me because I left the hotel after the banquet. The banquet didn't even end until after 10 pm!
So, we just keep doing this dance around this conference. Part of me likes hanging out with him, but I feel bad because I feel like I'm wasting his time. I don't think he's pining away from me and turning away other prospects, but I do think he's wasting a lot of time and money on me when we're not going to go anywhere. I wonder just how selfish I'm being. Did I mention that Lion thinks he's crazy and will eventually blow up because I'm "leading him on?"
And like every other thing I've done in the name of still being single, it only made me want PT more. Sigh.
This weekend was a conference I go to. I didn't register for the conference this time as it was in Chicago. I did have a boatload of fun when the conference was in New York and also when it was in New Orleans. This man, we'll call him August, was part of that fun.
I know him from college. He's older than me but a few years behind me because he was in the Navy before starting college. He's on the medical track same as me, so he always goes to these conferences too. In New York, I ran into him when a conference event was cancelled. We hadn't seen each other since I graduated, so we decided to go on the date we never got around to having while in college together. I should digress here to say that while I find this guy interesting and attractive, that certain something isn't really there to make me want him. I don't know what it is, but he digs me. I wish I could say the same cause he's a great guy.
So we went out to a great restaurant in New York and had a good time. We didn't see each other again (a FAMU visit by me where I talked to him for like 10 minutes in the science building notwithstanding) until the next year in New Orleans. We had a lovely day where we hung out on Bourbon Street, had dinner at Morton's Steakhouse and went dancing with my friends who live in NOLA. It should have been the start of a beautiful relationship because he showed me very clearly that he was interested and could treat me very well. But the timing was weird (the Ex. He won't get a name, he's just the Ex.) and I tried to explain to him that I just didn't want that type of relationship with him.
Fast forward to this year. He's the one who got me the extra ticket to the banquet. I was going to take him to this Thai restaurant in town. I couldn't turn him down. The restaurant is BYOB and he had purchased us a bottle of Riesling, which is my absolute favorite!!! And after all, PT and I have never discussed exclusivity and I'm not going to go around assuming that we are more than we are.
I go to the banquet because he said we didn't have time to go to the Thai restaurant. I told him I couldn't be up late because I had church in the morning. He basically ignored me the entire banquet because he was organizing something for the Region or whatever. Then he was upset with me because I left the hotel after the banquet. The banquet didn't even end until after 10 pm!
So, we just keep doing this dance around this conference. Part of me likes hanging out with him, but I feel bad because I feel like I'm wasting his time. I don't think he's pining away from me and turning away other prospects, but I do think he's wasting a lot of time and money on me when we're not going to go anywhere. I wonder just how selfish I'm being. Did I mention that Lion thinks he's crazy and will eventually blow up because I'm "leading him on?"
And like every other thing I've done in the name of still being single, it only made me want PT more. Sigh.
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