Big Bad Thursday: Busy Days, Happy Days, and Birthdays

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and was a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. He finally realized a woman was worth giving up complete and total bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together. They live in a wonderful apartment in Chicago and they are quite a fabulous couple.***

Things with Bad and Jordan are going well as usual, with no new developments to report. They are just going through their days as working grad students, shacking up in happiness and bliss.

But I am really starting to miss Bad. I have not seen him in what feels like a very long time. And we don't talk as much as we used to. All of this is to be expected. But it still kind of sucks. But the good news is Bad is not the type of guy to let a relationship consume all of who he is. He has a pretty demanding job as well as having just started grad school. All of this keeps him pretty busy.

But our birthdays are coming up! We've celebrated our birthdays together every other year since we started hanging out as adults. I don't think it was on purpose, it just kind of worked out that way. This year our birthday plans have been shaping up kind of well I think. We, along with Michelle, another good friend of mine, are celebrating our birthdays together this year.

The plan we've settled on is having a party at a club all three of us love. We have sort of flaky friends. What can I say, they've got a lot going on and can't always keep commitments. But we need four people for sure who can commit to this party. Who might that fourth person be? Jordan! This sounds kind of sappy, but it just seems like they're even more meant to be when she fits into the puzzle so perfectly. We don't have to cajole one of our friends into making a commitment so far ahead of time, Jordan will be there for Bad.

So our party will be a success, even if it's just the four of us. I've hung out with just Bad and Jordan, and also with just Bad and Michelle. It was so much fun, and I know that with all four of us there, it will be even more fun. I'd love for all our friends to join us, but it's not imperative.

Bad is saying goodbye to his first 25 years just like I am in just under two weeks. He'll be doing it with a woman by his side that he loves with all his heart and looking towards a future he's already creating for himself. I'd say life is pretty good for him right now.

Focus on Me Friday: Occupying My Time Is Working

I've been going out of my way to occupy my time so the fact that PT is so busy will not piss me off so constantly. It's been working. While I've been aware of how busy he is all the damn time, it's been less of an issue because I have things to do with my time other than hang out with my family.

What I need to focus on is the type of man I attract. I wish I could put a sign on my forehead that let men know if they were fresh out a of relationship, they shouldn't approach me. I wish I could put up a billboard to let men know that!

Top thinks that I am in transition, that's why I keep attracting men in transition. I don't know what transition I'm in that's been lasting since 2004, but if I could figure that out, maybe I could stop attracting these awful men. They're not awful, their situation is.

With each man I meet, I end up wanting something different. I don't have a cookie cutter vision of what I want with plans to squeeze whatever man into that plan. It changes with each guy to fit how I see him and I together. But I'm so sick of these men with limitations. I might as well not even bother to figure out what I want because they come in with these newly-single dude-limitations. Doesn't always mean the same thing with each guy, but it means inevitable, they're gonna piss me off with their unsettled issues with their exes. It's a trend I'd love to stop repeating.

Screening Questions for New Men
1.  How long ago was your last relationship? (anything under 18 months is too soon)
2. How religious are you? (any synonyms of "very" won't work)
3. Are you dating anyone else right now? (answers like, "are dating and sleeping with the same thing?" will confound me)
4.  How is your relationship with your mother/sister? (anything short of "great" won't work. I don't do momma issues)

My plan for PT right now is to see if things improve with him, but also to keep my eyes open for someone better. Maybe after a quick screening, I can avoid some recent mistakes.

Focus on Me Friday: I'm Not Spontaneous, Just A Hedonist

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

This post is inspired by a post by Wombat. It made me think about how I definitely have some sweep-a-person-off-their-feet tendencies. Sometimes it's on purpose, sometimes it's not.

I don't really consider myself a spontaneous person so much as a go-with-the-flow hedonist. I feel like spontaneous people get bored or restless if things are too planned and that's never me. So, we've established I'm not spontaneous. But for some reason, I spontaneously suggested to PT that I go over his house last night just to give him a massage.

Yes, you read that right. I suggested it. We were talking earlier about his day. It was a mostly good day, but shortly after the end of the actual school day, there was an issue he had to take care of that caused him no small amount of stress. I had just come from a meeting and was feeling pretty wired myself. So when he finally got home at like 10pm, I offered to come give him a massage. Don't know why, the only thing I can think of is my tendency to try and sweep people off their feet.

Seriously, who does crap like this? Certainly no one I know. Of course, PT agreed to let me come over. Cause who's gonna turn that down? So even though I was good and in for the night, I headed over there. I told him I couldn't spend the night because I had to be up at the ass-crack of dawn to take my grandmother to the doctor.

But I decided to just stop kicking myself for texting before thinking and go over there and enjoy his company. We just laid on his bed and talked about our days. I kinda wish I could do that every night. No, I really with I could do that every night. It just feels good to have someone to talk about all that stuff with. I don't know why, but it's different talking to PT than it is talking to friends or family.

And then I gave him a massage. His shoulders were so tense and his neck was really stiff. But about 15 minutes later, he was very relaxed. You could visibly see the difference. That made me very happy just to make him feel better. And then he turned to me and said, "thanks so much for that baby. Now what can I do for you?"

With responses like that, it's no wonder I like being around him. I can tell because of little things. For instance, he likes rubbing my feet. Not in a foot fetish kind of way, but in a they're-attached-to-your-body-and-as-my-hands-roam-they-invariably-land-there-too kind of way. Normally, I recoil from that, but with PT, I just let it happen. When he touches me, it doesn't tickle, it feels good. Always a good sign.

Women's Rules Of Insecurity

I like to think of myself as a self-aware person who pays attention to who I am as a person. But in writing this blog, I've shined a bigger spotlight on myself and I've noticed some things that seem to be out of the ordinary compared to most women. For instance, I spent the night with PT on Thursday. And I haven't spoken to him since then. I usually don't speak to him a lot on the weekends because he's so busy with his daughter and has finally learned his lesson about keeping his phone out.

Most women have a rule about how much time is supposed to pass between seeing a guy and hearing from him again. By my title, I think you can surmise how I feel about those rules... But even if I did believe those rules, it's so hard to apply them to PT>

He's broken his phone at least 5 times since I met him six months ago, and each time is usually accompanied by some story involving his daughter. The poist is that now, he tries not to keep it so close by because it seems drawn to liquids and sharp corners when she's around. (My theory is that he's the clumsy one, but it's convenient to blame the three year old, lol).

Back to the main point though. I haven't spoken to PT outside of texting since Thursday and I'm not bothered by it. If another three days pass and I dont actually converse with him, I may get upset, but for now I'm good. And aren't women supposed to be upset if a man doesn't call the next day after a date? Or isn't there some sort of three day rule? I don't know these things. I used to have friends who acted like typical women, but I got rid of them. I don't like emotional drama in high quantities. But shouldn't there be some sort of insecurity or something popping up?

Perhaps it's because we're not some official couple with demands and responsibilities. Or perhaps it's because the last time I saw him, he confirmed that he had indeed promised me the world. Or perhaps it's because I'm just so cool and calm that things don't faze me.

I think it's pretty clear it's not the third one, lol. Probably it's the first, but who can know for sure until one's over-analyzed it until it's almost lost all meaning?

Bad & Jordan Update: She came in this weekend so see their apartment. I don't know if she likes it or loves it or has picked a definite move in date. I don't know this because I haven't heard from him all weekend. Bad is not a neglectful friend, so I imagine they're christening every inch of the apartment and she's helping start the decoration process. I"m glad I haven't heard from him. That has to mean things are going very well. Should be a good story coming soon!