Gloria's Romantic Monday: In A Perfect World

***Gloria is a friend of mine I know from church. She is a single mother. She has a boyfriend, Gregory, who we all love and her son's father, Rufus, who we all hate. She is fun-loving and hilarious. Gloria is the type of friend who'd be there for you at a party, when things get tough, or even if you need help applying for school.*** Read Romantic Monday posts.

If the world were perfect, this post would be giving info about how Gloria's birthday and birthday party went. But since my PC is temperamental, I am writing this post way in advance at work, and I don't get back until Tuesday night, so you'll have to wait until next week.

Instead, I'm just going to make stuff up. My girl Noni and I started this game in college we called "In A Perfect World." It's not a hard game to play. The only directions is that everyone who plays the game has to give a completely honest portrayal of how they envision their life in terms of what they consider perfect in that exact moment. It has to be based in reality, but it can be quite fantastic as well.

This usually involves something about our love lives, class/work, family, friend, money, physical possessions, religion, etc. No one was talking about suddenly having the ability to fly, but we were saying things like, "in a perfect world, the ex of the guy I like would suddenly pack her bags and move to Finland."

So now that you know how to play the game, I'm going to say what my "in a perfect world" would be for Gloria, if it were up to me how to make her world perfect.

In a perfect world, Gregory, Gloria's boyfriend, would somehow have Saturday night off and be free to come to her party. Or better yet, he'd show up after the rest of us arrived and surprise her. He'd kiss her, tell her he loved her so much, and then drop to one knee.

She'd be surprised not only because he was there, but because he'd dropped to one knee. She had plans of fussing because he still hadn't delivered her birthday gift and she was feeling neglected. He would tell her he knew she was expecting something great for her birthday, and he couldn't think of anything greater than making it official and telling the world that he wanted her to be his wife.

There would be chilled champagne for a toast and we would all rejoice with her that her birthday gift from the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with was a 3 carat diamond.

But his birthday gift wouldn't stop just there. Gregory would inform Gloria that a moving truck would be at her grandparents' house in the morning to move her stuff to their new place.

While they were moving, she would get a call from a lawyer, promising he had the perfect solution to her problems with Rufus, and he wouldn't be full of crap.

And when she sets up the Internet in her new apartment, there would be an e-mail waiting to be read from a great job, asking her in for an interview. That job would have steady hours with good pay, plus tuition reimbursement. Because of the steady hours, she'd be able to sign up for evening classes to finish her degree.

Her grandparents would call and say they miss having her and her son around and offer to babysit everyday for free.

Her gym would call to say she'd won a raffle for a year of free membership with unlimited access.

And I have to throw in one outlandish thing. Gloria would wake up tomorrow to discover she's actually an acoustic guitar virtuoso.

That sounds like a perfect world to me. I wonder if it's even close to what she would come up with for herself.

Lion's Life Saturday: Changes and Decisions Coming Up Soon

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was back at the beginning of April. I apologize for my computer issues, but yeah, it is what it is. I spoke of looking forward to the trip he and I were taking down to Florida to visit out alma mater. That weekend was amazing, and I really got to see him and Rudy together and as a couple.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

So, if you notice, this post wasn't on a Wednesday. Also, the title has changed. I discontinued (for now, I think) Noni's Stargazing Saturday and I'm moving Lion to Saturday. She has a lot going on right now, and it's very difficult to keep in constant enough contact with her to be able to write frequent posts. I think the change will work for now. But for continuity's sake, I will keep the tag for Lion as "Lion's Life Wednesday".

So, Lion's life has been interesting as of late. I don't have much to say about them as a couple because I like them together and they seem happy together. Lion even stayed an extra day when we had airport/airplane issues to spend more time with her, which was great.

But they are up for some big changes in the near future. Rudy has decided she is moving back to Boston, where she is from. She is transferring graduate programs and she quit her job. This is a pretty abrupt decision, but she's happy with it. I definitely understand the abrupt decision.

This affects Lion though because he was planning on doing an away rotation down in Florida to spend a month with her. That is changing now because he doesn't want to do a rotation in Boston where she'll be staying with her parents.

He also has big changes coming up. It's almost time for him to start applying to residency programs. He has plans for going into Internal Medicine, but he doesn't know which programs he's applying to yet. He says Rudy has no effect on the application or location choice. That's crazy to me for a couple that's been involved as long as they have.

But it's not set in stone yet what will become of their immediate future. Rudy hasn't left Florida yet and Lion hasn't chosen his residency programs to apply to. I'll be following these developments to see what happens and how it affects them as a couple.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Goodbye for Now

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***
Read Stargazing Saturday posts.


I haven't talked to Noni in a while and she has a lot going on in her life right now. So until further notice, I'm stopping my posts about her and moving Lion to Saturday. If something new happens that I just have to update, I will.

Sonny's Sunday: Engaged, But Also Real People With Real Feelings

***Sonny is an old friend of mine. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. He's also my friend who's doing the super-adult thing. He and his new fiancee Cher just bought a house. They're working on planning a life together. Even with all that stability, their love life is still interesting.***

Read Sonny's Sunday posts.

Last week, I wrote a post about Sonny and Cher's upcoming wedding. I mentioned that the details can't really be sorted until they make their cruise reservations in June. That led to me to link to a website that helps plan destination weddings. It was a cute and interesting website, and it made me excited to think about Sonny and Cher's upcoming wedding.


Their wedding is still more than a year away, which made me think of yesterday's post for Noni's Stargazing Saturday, in which I talked about long ass engagements. I don't think that really applies to Sonny and Cher though, because they have both a ring and a tentative date set.


There's really nothing to update in terms of their relationship or progress as a couple that I know of. So I'll be linking to something from the Internet. I think I'm going to Google the term "surviving being engaged" to see where that leads me.


I found an amazing new blog to read called Wedding Bee. The post I read is called "On Surviving "The Happiest" Time Of Your Life. You can read it and check out the rest of her website here. This takes an interesting view of engagement. It takes off the rose colored sunglasses to remind the world that life doesn't stop because you're engaged.


Sure, you're living out one of the major life goals of most human beings, but it doesn't make you immediately and permanently impervious to things like sadness, stress, and arguments. I don't think Sonny and Cher argue all the time, but they do argument. I think they do a good job of not feeling like their relationship is going to fall apart every time they do argue. And they don't seem to be letting their wedding planning interfere with being on top of the other details of their life. This article is really a good read for any couple that's engaged but also have full lives outside of wedding planning.


I never thought I'd suggest more people should be like Sonny and Cher (they are their own unique people), but in this respect, hop on the not-solely-living-to-plan-your wedding bandwagon. Embrace the other parts of life, and don't freak out if you and your beloved fiance(e) have an argument. Be happy, but don't feel even worse if that's not your permanent engaged state.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Deciding To Get Married Without Actually Getting Married

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But now she's back in school back home where she's from. And she's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***
Read Stargazing Saturday posts.


Last week, I linked to an article from Your Tango that talked about making time as a couple when you have a child in the house. I thought that would be a good article for anyone in Noni's and Eric's situation.


I was hoping to have more to say about Noni's actual love life this weekend, but alas, it's not to be. She's still super busy and all I know is that a lot has happened, but things are fine. She's still with Eric and they're still raising their son together and she's still in school. At least that what I take "things are fine" to mean. So I'm trolling the internet, looking for something interesting to link to related to Noni's love life as it currently (I think) stands. I Googled the terms "engaged forever" and "engaged too long". Noni and Eric have been engaged forever it seems. Way before she got pregnant, if memory serves me correctly.


I found an interesting forum topic on DrPhil.com. You can read it here. It doesn't really apply to Noni and Eric because as far as I know, she's not begging him to get married and he's not making up all kinds of excuses to avoid it. On to the next.

The next post comes from DearCupid.org. You can read it here. This one was interesting. The woman's sister had been engaged for fourteen years! To each his/her own, I suppose. But the advice given was varied and mostly based on peoples' own experiences. Why don't people give actual advice instead of "this is what I would do if you were me"? Not even "if I were you". Sigh.

The third and final link is from BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. That sounds exactly like Noni and Eric, so I was hoping this would really apply to them. You can read the post here. The article is titled How Long Is Too Long To Be Engaged. The suggestion offered in this one is a year to have both the ring and the date set.


I find this third article the most interesting (and fitting for Noni and Eric) because it's gets right down to the nitty gritty. It sets a specific time for how things should be, but allows for exceptions. Noni has a reasonable exception to the rule: some birth certificate issues. It can keep you from hopping on a plane out of the country, and apparently can keep you from getting married. I'm not sure if Eric ever gave her a ring, but apparently, they're still good if there's no ring involved. It's more like they've just decided they will get married, but they aren't yet officially engaged. I guess.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Keeping The Romance Alive, Theoretically

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***


I have been trying my hardest to track down Noni. All I can get are a couple of texts here and there so I know she's either alive and well or being held captive by someone who's able to master her text tone. But between family, work, and school, she's got a lot on her plate right now, I so I don't fault her.


I'm heading to Your Tango right now to find something to link to in reference to a young engaged couple raising a child. Of course, I could post something about a person addicted to emotional extremes. Let's just see what catches my attention on the site.


I found an article that is exactly the type of article I was looking for (and couldn't find) on The Frisky last week. This article is called How To Keep The Romance Alive As A Parent. This type of article is perfect for Eric and Noni because so much of their lives revolve around their kid and working to take care of the kid. They don't spend a lot of time on just the two of them.


This article is written by a woman dealing with a six year old. Noni's and Eric's son is only one, but I think it paints an interesting picture of what they have to look forward to. I imagine their son will be the type who asks a million and one questions, including "what are you doing in there?" But the article does provide a good way of looking at things.


For instance, it's important to note that setting aside time for sex around your child's schedule does take some of the spontaneity out of it, but it's the perfect time to really focus in and pay attention to your partner. They get your undivided focus in a way that they might not if you had all day to lavish them with attention. This article says you should appreciate that set aside time together because it's more focused.


Also, it says to make the most of the little moments you can snatch throughout the day. Noni and Eric ride to and from work together every day. They do have some time together before they pick their son up from day care. They could use that time for adult conversation that's focused just on the two of them and save the discussions of whether or not they need to pick up diapers for after they pick up their son.


All in all, I like this article. I hope it would be useful to a couple getting adjusted to life with a child versus life without a child. Hopefully, next week, I'll have something to report about Noni's actual love life.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Dismantling A Roller Coaster

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself

and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Noni was back in the first half of January. I talked a bit about a toxic relationship Noni had in college and I compared that to her relationship with Eric. They have tumultuous ups and downs, earning the title of my "Roller Coaster Couple".  I talked about how around the new year, Noni was considering leaving Eric. She ultimately decided against leaving him because she wasn't ready to take such a big step only to take it back. She wanted to be sure. I was saying I felt like she was on the precipice of a full-blown quarter life crisis.] Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Since that time, Noni has been super busy. She's still with Eric and they are still raising their son and living their life. They don't spend all their time working. I know this because the were at a dinner party last weekend. How grown up of them, right?


Well, I unfortunately cannot report on their Valentine's Day because I don't know how it went. Like I said, Noni has been super busy.  But I can find another blog post with interesting info that would relate to their relationship and focus on that for the week.



But before I get to that, I want to talk more about Noni's impending quarter life crisis. I don't know that she's definitely going to have one. I think she may even be too busy to have one. But I want to go on record saying right now that I hope is she does hit age 25 and fully freak out, that it won't be too terrible. She has a son to think about. That little boy goes a long way in keeping her sane and from making rash decisions. That is my prediction for this May and the six months after it.



Now, on to The Frisky. I'm heading to their parenting section. I can honestly say I've never clicked that button before. Noni and Gloria are the only two in The Medley who have children, so while I may spend more time there in the future, I won't be making a habit of it. Easy and I are years from kids, so that button has third party purposes only.


Here are some interesting articles I found (disclaimer: it's hard to find parenting articles that bother to include reference to the romance between mommy and daddy):
Miranda Kerr: I Intend To Breastfeed For As Long As I Can
Gwyneth Paltrwo Opens Up About Post Partum Depression
Do You Have A Backup Baby Daddy?
Why I'm Happy I Don't Have Daughters


I chose the first article because Noni breastfeeds. For how long she intends to, I don't know.
I chose the second article because it's something that she and I never discussed, but I always thought was a possibility because of how horrible things went for her around the time her son was first born.

I chose the third article because it asks an interesting question. From some perspectives, her involvement with Eric was timed as such that he was the backup for the toxic relationship for college.

I chose the fourth article because Noni only has the son and I've never heard her say she can't wait to have a daughter.

So which one to focus on... I choose... Door #...3! It's the only that gives me a chance to speculate on the state of Noni's and Eric's relationship. Haven't you noticed that's the point of this blog anyway? The actual Frisky article is single women sharing who their baby daddies would be if they, for whatever reason, were still single and the biological clock was approaching the 12th hour.

After things went south with toxic college relationship guy, she was alone for a very short period of time before she and Eric got going. And one they got going, things sped up pretty quick. We all know that just because you start something with a new person doesn't mean things are resolved with the old person. I think in a way, Noni saw Eric as a better alternative than the situation she just left.

Imagine if the women in that article also happened to be attracted and interested in dating the men whose genes they covet? That article would be titled "How I Ended Up Having A Child Out Of Wedlock With The Guy Who Was Supposed To Be My Backup". Well, maybe not, but I think there's a possibility of that being what happened between Eric and Noni.

There was a period in their relationship where so much of it was being compared with their recent pasts. He had just broken up with the mother of his older son. That baby was about 6 months old when Eric and Noni got going. Noni had just left toxic college relationship guy. When you have the influence of your past so heavily involved, it's hard to focus on what's right in front of you.

I don't know whether or not that has anything to do with Eric and Noni's roller coaster relationship. But I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: A New Year's Spent Looking To The Future

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [In my last post about Noni, which was three weeks ago, I expressed concern for Noni that the improvements in her relationship with Eric had basically gone away again. I wasn't exactly surprised, but I had been hoping that things would have improved for her. She works so hard to keep their home and kid together, I was just hoping that he would help her out more.] Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Since that time, some interesting changes have occurred with Noni.

She's on the precipice of a full-blown quarter life crisis.

Pretty much all my friends have been through this around their 25th birthday. I may write a blog post about it on my main blog.

I want to tell a quick story about Noni from college.

She was dating this guy in our group of friends and they had a series of what should have been epic crashes and burns.

But over the years they were involved, they never actually officially ended things.

One day, she just decided she was done. She gathered her things and left.

She did this while he was away from the apartment. And she never looked back.

They are friends now (years later), but they will never again be romantically involved.

That was then.

At this point in her life, with this roller coaster she's on with Eric, she's considering gathering her things and leaving him.

Without warning. Just deciding to be done and leaving.

Things are more complicated now though. They have a son together. She's about to start back at school Monday after next.

This feeling she's been having reads a lot like a quarter life crisis. Her 25th birthday is in May.

For Noni, this could be a quarter life crisis, or more of the same. But that doesn't matter.

What matters is she is finally starting to realize that if your long-term happiness in a relationship depends on the person you're with changing, something is wrong.

After a pretty detailed discussion, I found out that things are still good with Eric. Sometimes.

But there are times when things are so frustrating that she just wants to gather her things and leave.

I told her about how Bad and Jordan are my drama free couple and she and Eric are my roller coaster couple.

I told her that I felt that even if she did leave Eric, her next relationship would be just as dramatic.

She agreed that she is drawn to the feeling of being with a person who is unpredictable and can't be controlled.

She likes a man who is his own person and is a bit mysterious.

The only problem is guys like that stay that way. Even in the middle of a serious relationship, they stay unpredictable.

They become the guy you can't count on for consistency. They are the guy you fight with and then make up with several times a month.

Noni would like to find the one guy who starts out unpredictable and then magically become dependable and consistent.

So after all of that, what happens now?

Well, for now, the good still outweighs the bad.

Noni doesn't like the constant drama with Eric. At least not as often as it happens.

She doesn't like fighting with him about him doing things that should come natural to a grown-up raising two kids.

But she's staying. She's expecting to reach that point of no return where he comes home to find all her stuff gone.

She wants more than what Eric is offering. Well, she wants what he is offering, but not what he actually delivers.

She just still has hope that one day things will turn around for them.

She still loves him and wants things to work out so she and the man she loves can raise the child they made together.

I don't know where they are going from here. I know they are still together.

I do find myself wondering how he feels about all this. Is he as frustrated with their relationship? Is he feeling that they are near their end?

But I'm not friends with Eric. I'm friends with Noni. So I guess those questions will never be answered.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Heading Down The Roller Coaster Again

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [The last post I wrote about Noni was about a month ago. I was talking about how things had improved between her and Eric concerning their home life. I also spoke about how he was finally showing some consistency on improving his behavior.]Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Since that time, Eric has been screwing up again. When Noni asked him why he had stopped helping.

He told her he didn't see why it was a big deal because she was doing it all before, why couldn't she do it now?

He intended to help, but I guess he didn't intend to do it every single day for the rest of their lives together.

It's frustrating to Noni because she thought that maybe this time he had actually changed. Unfortunately, he hasn't.

I don't know what's going to happen with them. Maybe they'll constantly fight about what she wants from him that he's not willing to provide.

It seems as if he wasn't really prepared for the life they built. They didn't plan on Noni getting pregnant, but they also didn't take precautions to keep it from happening.

All I know is, Noni isn't getting what she wants from him. She's tried talking to him, she's tried yelling at him, and she's even tried leaving him.

But she still loves him and still wants to be with him. It will be interesting to see where their relationship goes from here.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Things Just Keep Getting Better

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Noni was two weeks ago. I expressed concern about how she was adjusting to a love life that could no longer be described as perfect. But she was doing okay. I also spoke of her staying on track with her plans to start school back in January. She really wants to put herself in a position of stability for herself and her son.] Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

In the two weeks since that post, things have remained good. If anything they've improved. Which is fantastic news.

Before Eric didn't stay... well-behaved... for very long periods of time. But this time seems to be different.

Last week, he and Noni had a talk about him doing more to help her out around the house and with their son.

Both Eric and Noni work long hours. But when they get home at night, that's generally Eric's time to relax and unwind.

Noni usually spends that time putting the baby down, sterilizing bottles, washing clothes, cooking dinner, etc. She hasn't expressed too much frustration about doing all this alone because she's a very domestic type of chick anyway.

But out of nowhere, Eric offers to do more. He volunteers to put the baby to sleep or help with laundry, or whatever it is Noni needs from him so she is able to relax and unwind a bit before the night is over as well.

She was very much impressed by his offer and his follow-through. There is a part of her that is a bit wary of everything because things have fallen apart between them before, right around the time there started being more demands on Eric's time.

I certainly can understand her apprehension. That's why I'm so happy for her that for now, things are going well. Eric is doing more around the house. They are spending this new free time she has during the evening together.

Eric and Noni are strengthening their relationship and their home. Nothing like raising a child in a stable home. At least that's what I hear.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Who Ever Heard Of A Smooth Sailing Roller Coaster?

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***


In last week's post, I expressed concern for Noni's love life. She described things as perfect. Usually that's a good thing. But for Noni, it wasn't.

She was so worried that things had no where to go but down. Perfect meant it couldn't get any better. And in Noni's world, when things go down, they go waaaaay down.

But I am happy to report that things are no longer perfect, nor are they horrible. She describes things with Eric as good. Good was the best word I could have heard from her mouth. Because things weren't perfect, there wasn't that worry that the rug would be pulled from under her at any second.

That also meant her desire to sabotage things was also gone. But her plan to gain independence and continuing to pursue her goals is still in place. That awful job she's working is giving her the money she needs to get back in school starting in January.

Her plan has altered a bit. She's no longer planning on leaving town to go to school. At least not definitely. For right now, she has set herself up to enroll in a school that's where she and Eric now live and upstate where her brother lives.

If things are going well with Eric when it's time to start school, she will stay. I hope that works out for her because keeping her family together while also finishing school is the ideal situation. Eric never seems to stay "good" for long, but he really doesn't wanna Noni to move away for a year. He will probably be on his best behavior until she starts classes at least.

But even if he turns horrible halfway through January, at least she'll be living in the same city as her son's father, and he can help with the raising of that son while she finishes school. So either way, it's a win-win for Noni's plan.

She wants her son to be proud of her that she made a lot of sacrifices to give him the life he deserves. The way she's going so far, I think he will be very proud.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Back Up To The Top Of The Roller Coaster

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [The last time I wrote about Noni, it was over a month ago. I wrote about how she was having a very difficult time in her relationship with Eric. Because of financial reasons, they were living separate and it wasn't going well. She had come up with a plan to keep her life on track and gain some independence.] Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Things have improved for Noni. Right now, we're on a high of the roller coaster that is her love life. She's been back living with Eric for about three weeks now. He was finally able to secure them a place to live that works for him, her, and their son. Noni was able to get the job she wanted that would allow her to save a lot of money.

I'm so proud of her that she's sticking to her plan to gain some independence. And Eric is in with the plan. He likes that she's doing what she has to to finish school by the end of next year. He's supporting her. And things are much better between them. He's holding himself accountable for his whereabouts.

Noni and I have this thing we do where we describe what a perfect world would be for us in that moment. The perfect world she would describe is the one she has right now. It wouldn't be perfect for everyone, but she's really happy. And she's also terrified. She feels like things never stay good for long in her life. Experience has shown her that things never stay good, and when they go awry, they go horribly wrong. Since I've known her, that's been pretty much true. But I'm hoping that's not what happens now.

She has moments that I think a lot of people have when it seems like things are too good to be true. She feels like sabotaging things so they aren't so perfect. Because if you can describe a situation as "good, but it has it's problems" then you can handle it. But if everything feels perfect, there's nowhere to go but down. But she hasn't sabotaged anything yet.

For now, Noni has her schedule going where she wakes up in the morning, gets her son and Eric's other son to their day cares, and she heads to work. Then she gets home from work and has family time and then gets up and does the same thing the next day. I'm just glad she's happy right now. And I hope the next time I write a post about Noni, I'm still singing that tune.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: A Plan For Independence, But It Depends...

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Noni discussed some difficulties between her and Eric. They had run into some financial issues and decided it was best for her to go live with her brother for a couple of weeks until they got things sorted out. At this point, they are supposed to be back living together. They also were having some issues in terms of Eric showing his commitment more to his new family. But they had a good discussion about it before Noni left town and things were looking up.Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Well, it's been three weeks and Noni is still hours away from her fiance living with her brother. The money that Eric was supposed to be saving didn't get saved because of other obligations. Noni feels like he gives those obligations more importance that she and her son. I feel so bad for her to be going through this distress.

What's worse is that they are fighting again. They fight about him not calling when he says he will. They fight about him going out all the time while she's always at home with their baby. They fight about him letting his mother stop him from saving money for his baby. They fight about when they will actually get married. It's pretty bad.

It reminds Noni of a pretty toxic relationship she had in college. This guy, a Pisces, was quite horrible. But things with Eric aren't quite that bad. They are just bad enough for her to plan her escape route. Yep, her escape route. She doesn't like having to be dependent on Eric as she is now. So she has come up with a plan to fix that situation. I'd be happier if her plan included becoming independent whether she was with him or not. But it seems like her plan for independence doesn't include Eric.

It's a good plan though. It involves her working, utilizing her family that can actually help with her son, and finishing school by the end of next year. I'm just concerned that if Eric gets wind of her plan, he'll suddenly behave better so she doesn't leave and that will de-rail her plans. Plans that could still be fulfilled whether or not she's with him. But only time will tell.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Absence Makes The Heart Grow

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [I had hope that I would be able to write about Noni quickly, but turns out I wasn't done being busy. Anyway, I last wrote about Noni and Eric preparing for their six weeks to be up. That time has since come and long gone. But they did follow my tips and were successful in making a regular sex life fit into their new baby schedule.]

A lot has happened since then. Truly, a lot. Things had taken a turn for the worse between Noni and Eric. He began working more hours and bought a new video game system. That means a lot of time taken away from Noni and his son. What is it with 20-something men and their video games? I'm just kidding, I love video games too. But I don't think Noni does, especially after being basically ignored for three weeks unless it was to serve dinner or provide sex.

I'm happy to say they worked through those issues, if only because a bigger one was arising. I talked Noni out of picking a fight with him. She said that was the only way to get through to him because that's how he was raised. I told her she could fight what his momma had him used to and go for positive attention instead of negative. I was really super happy when it turns out that it worked and they calmly discussed their issues, just in time for another one.

It's become more economically feasible for them to live in different places. Eric is trying to save up some money to get a better place for them, and Noni is going to live with some family for a while, in a different part of the state. It really really sucks for them to be apart, especially when there are some trust issues there. Again, what is it with 20-something men? But I'm hoping this will soon be resolved. The plan is for her to be gone for just two weeks. We shall see.

Some Changes To This Blog

There aren't a lot of major changes happening, just some small ones. This blog to me is sort of like a soap opera. And like a soap opera, characters come and go. I won't be writing about my life on this blog for now, that can be found on my main blog. This changed last Friday with the first edition of Michelle's T.G.I.Friday.

Also, Lion's Life Wednesday is going defunct for a while. It's hard to write about a friend's love life when there are no new developments in their love life in a while. He'll be back when someone else's life slows down at the time when his speeds up. So, hopefully tomorrow, I can get up my first post about Camille. She's another friend of mine from church, like Top and Michelle. She is unique from my other friends how? I'm glad you ask. She's an over-analyzer. She's single and doesn't want to be. She's seeking a man and has interesting men in her life. There are two I will be talking about. What's interesting is that this friend has also been mentioned in another blog by another one of her friends. It's a brand new blog and I'm loving it already. Check it out.

So, the current line-up is:
Sonny's Sunday
Melody's Monday
Tip Top Tuesday
Camille's Wishful Wednesday
Big Bad Thursday
Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays
Noni's Stargazing Saturday

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: The Baby Is Here

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but tey're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [I haven't written about Noni since late May. She was getting bigger everyday and nearing her due date. Her and the baby's father, who I call Eric in this blog, had been working on their relationship and recovering from a near break up to pull together and prepare for this baby. This is her first baby, the product of an unplanned pregnancy. As long as I have known Noni, she's had a baby itch. So after she calmed down from freaking out about being pregnant, she was really happy about having this baby. And she was also happy about trying to work things out with Eric.]
 
Noni's baby has been here for weeks. I know this because Noni has been getting increasingly frustrated as the six-week point is approaching. Anyone who has had a baby, or a close friend or family member knows what I'm talking about. Maybe it's my taste in TV and movies, but I haven't heard too much about this issue on the big or small screen. After you have a baby, the doctor says you can't have sex for six weeks. Poor Noni is going insane. She and Eric have been together for years at this point. That's a lot of constant sex to suddenly give up just because you've given birth.
 
Eric says he knows she's gonna tie him to the bed for about three days as soon as the six weeks is up. I find that hilarious and hope that he's wrong. He'll get fired if he misses work for three days. But I did give her some tips for the two of them as six weeks will be up in a few days.
 
1. Drink lots of water. Drink only water. The last thing you want is to run out of energy because you're dehydrating yourself.  
 
2. No strenuous activity beyond light stretching. The only way to prepare for a marathon is to practice what you'll be doing in that marathon. Since that isn't an option, you don't wanna risk tiring out muscles you may need or doing something even worse, like pulling a muscle. Then you'll be out of commission and turned into a crazy person for lack of sex.
 
3. Get a baby sitter. I would hate for one of them to be super close to an orgasm and stop to go deal with a suddenly crying baby. If they stop, they've thrown off their whole groove and will have extra work to get it back on track. If they don't stop, they'll inevitably feel bad for not immediately dealing with their child because of sex. Even parents of a six-week-old would feel bad about that (maybe not. We'll see about that if they end up not getting a baby sitter).
 
I think my summertime business (busy-ness) is winding down and I'll actually be able to report back next week if Noni and Eric are feeling less stir crazy.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: The Due Date Is Getting Closer

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Noni definitely holds the title of the first of my friends to reproduce. There are other people close to me who have children, such as my god-sister who I grew up with because our dads are best friends. But Noni is different. She was one of my closest friends during college and we went through a lot together.

All my people have their place. Sonny is my "building a stable adult life" friend. Melody is my "little sister repeating my own experiences" friend. Top is my "single, independent, and young-in-the-city" friend. Lion is my "balancing career planning and dating" friend. Bad is my "reformed bachelor" friend. And Noni is my "working on being a mommy and having a relationship at the same time" friend.

Noni is the dreamer, the one who I would play, "In A Perfect World" with. We would imagine what would be different about our lives at exactly that moment if it were what we considered perfect. We should've written it down because it changed over time (obviously) and it would've been nice to look back on the changes.


But as she prepares for the arrival of her son, things suddenly feel more real to her. She's been talking about wanting a baby since I first met her. She's definitely the mothering type. I don't think she intended on having her son at this time in her life, but I know she'll make a good mother. And I know Eric will make a good father. I just hope they can work out doing it together instead of apart.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: A Baby Shower!

Noni's baby shower is today. I'm really exctited for her and super pissed that I'm not going to be there. Noni is my girl from college and she's been living in Florida ever since her mother brought her to America from Jamaica.

I was all set to buy my plane ticket to go for the shower. But then the details got fuzzy about the shower planning. And then I turned my life upside down by leaving medical school, making the prospect of spending hundreds of dollars on a trip to Florida sound like a bad idea.

But I did speak with her to explain. And I'm excited to hear how it goes after hand. I'm a bit worried though because of the tenuous relationship her and her boyfriend currently have. Stressful events like baby showers where family members and friends all gather around to discuss your fast approaching future can bring out the worst in some people (like my brother, but that's a story for another day). So, hopefully tomorrow Noni won't be sitting there wishing evil things on whoever forces her to wear a paper plate covered with fancy wrapping paper bows.

Hopefully Noni, big and pregnant, will be glad to spend time eating Swedish meatballs and hot wings. Her baby lets her eat hot wings! Best fetus ever. Hopefully Eric (that's the boyfriend) will be happy and participate in the day like a good daddy.

I just really want things to work out for her so her baby boy that will be here next month will be born into a happy family unit. I hope that's not asking too much.

Re-organizing This Blog

I like writing about my love life and my friends love life. But I need to re-organize this blog so it doesn't feel so haphazard to me. The obvious solution is to make days.

So, I write about myself, Top, Bad, Lion, Noni, and Melody. If I split myself into a present day and a past day, that makes 7! I hadn't realized that. So each day of the week will be assigned to a person's story.

Retrospective Sunday- this will be my day to talk about past relationships and dating experiences.
Melody's Monday- this will be my day to talk about my little sister Melody and her lovely college dating follies.
Tip Top Tuesday- this will be my day to talk about independent Top's current "not-dating situation and (I hope) her eventual journey back to the land of dating.
Lion's Life Wednesday- this will be my day to talk about future doctor Lion. Med school takes up so much of his time, but certainly between the past and the present, I can find enough stuff for a weekly post.
Big Bad Thursday- this will be my day to talk about Bad. He seemed destined to be an eternal bachelor, but now he finds himself in love with a wonderful girl, so this will be an exploration of his new destiny.
Focus on Me Friday- this will be my day to talk about what's currently going on in my love life.
Noni's Stargazing Saturday- this will be my day to talk about my hopeless romantic friend Noni. She's dealing with a tumultuous relationship and a pregnancy at the same time. Should be interesting stuff I think.

And of course I'll need a new title since this blog is about way more than just my love life. I'm thinking "My Life's Love Medley". What do you think?

UPDATE!!! I've just re-connected with my friend from elementary, midde, and high school. His love life will be waaaayyy more interesting that retrospective stories about me. So, Sunday will now be Sonny's Sunday!

Trying To Hold Onto The Good Feelings

Well, the craziest thing happened to me last night. This woman called me to see if I'd like to make a donation to the Homeless Veterans of Illinois. The only problem was that she was calling me from Flagstaff, AZ. I was looking at the phone thinking this lady is trying to get me to give her my credit card info. She must be crazy.

She said they had to get the phone company to change their info so it doesn't show up as being from Arizona. I don't know if she knew how crazy that sounded. But all I wanted to do was call PT and tell him this crazy thing that had happened and how I felt sure I had just avoided identity theft. But then I remembered it was almost 9pm on a Sunday night.

On Sunday nights, PT is usually taking his daughter back to her mother's house. Then he works on his weekly report he had to do for his school. He has to do that every single week, even when school isn't in session. The point is, he's always busy that time of the weekend and I feel like I would just be a sucky person for interrupting an important time for him. I've spoken to him suring this time, but only when he calls me.

I'm having one of those moment where I wish I was romantically interested in someone who was more available to me. Perhaps things will be better when I move back to Chicago, but I don't want to think too far ahead and set myself up for disappointment. I'm just gonna try and hold onto the good feelings I have from PT being there for me this past weekend.

Update on Noni: she thinks that she and Eric may have broken up! I was so surprised to hear this, and I didn't get the full story because he came back to finish talking while she and I were on the phone. Hopefully she can explain the whole story. I keep thinking they can write all their current troubles off as difficulty dealing with the pregnancy. You shouldn't trust your judgement when you're full of bouncing hormones. I know that's so unfair to say, and I'll be denying it if/when I get pregnant. But I just had hope for them. I'm the eternal optimist when it comes to the relationships for my friends. I'll update when she gets back to me to tell me the story of what happened.