Lion's Life Saturday: Being A Single Man

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was in the middle of July. At that time, I announced that he had broken up with Rudy and their relationship was over. I didn't harbor any expectations that he would change his mind.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts.

I was right, he's still single. Very much single. On one of his away rotations, he was really enjoying himself. It's the expected behavior of a recently liberated man. Especially one who's been in a long-distance relationship for years.

I must admit I'm appreciative of Lion for getting the ball rolling on related-to-my-wedding-possibly-hookups. my fiance Easy and I have been hoping some people would get together because of our wedding since we met at a wedding.

Lion came up for my engagement party in the middle of August and he met a friend of mine from work. They've been chatting and she's coming with Easy and I down to St. Louis in mid September for a gig Easy has. That should be a fun trip.

On another note, Lion is trying to figure out where he's going to apply for residency programs. He's pretty sure he's going with Internal Medicine, but he hasn't chosen his programs yet. He knows he wants to be somewhere warmer than St. Louis and he knows he wants to be near friends and/or family. I'm excited to see what he ends up choosing.

Lion's Life Saturday: The End of An Era

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap: [My last post about Lion was back in the middle of June. I spoke of his feelings about the impending demise of their relationship. I also discussed the decisions he has to make soon regarding medical school.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

Well, two days after that post published. He ended the relationship. He didn't tell me right away. What actually happened is he sent a text that didn't go through. So I didn't find out until this week.

It was incredibly awkward. I texted Rudy to get her address so I could send a Save the Date. She told me she thought it might be awkward, but I could give her my address and she'd still send a gift.

That raised a red flag. So I called Lion and he didn't answer the phone. I was texting some of his other friends who I'm inviting to the wedding to get their addresses, so I casually asked one. He told me Lion had indeed dumped Rudy weeks ago.

I texted Lion and he explained what happened. I felt so bad and sad. He called me on my crap and told me I was more upset for me than I was for him. He was right, but I was sad! I was finally emotionally invested in their relationship, so I was sad to see it end.

He's feeling kind of, um, okay about the whole thing. He misses her, but he feels he made the right decision. I support him no matter what, so I support this decision. And I will try just as hard to make a connection with whoever the next girlfriend is.

One of the main issues he had with their relationship was the physical aspect of it. So, there is good news that he never cheated on her once while they were together. That meant a lot to him since that's an issue she had to deal with in previous relationships.

But as a newly single man, he's getting his feet wet back out there in the game. Good for him. I'm just a bit sad though. And completely unsure of whether or not Rudy and I should maintain any type of relationship. I mean, the only reason I reached out to her was because I wanted to have a good relationship with the girlfriend of one of my best friends.

So now we have to find him a new girl. One who likes discussing adult issues in relationship like an adult. Easier said than done. He's about to be done withe medical school in a year. He needs a grown ass woman and I hope he finds one.

Lion's Life Saturday: Impending Doom

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was two weeks ago. In it, I described Lion's uncertainty about the future of his relationship with Rudy. I also may have, ahem, described some future bridezilla-type behavior on my part.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

I spoke to Lion recently about the status of his love life and he said the third worst thing I could hear. First would have been that his girlfriend Rudy dumped him. Second would have been that he dumped her.

What he actually told me is that he feels like he is pulling away from her. She has moved back to Boston and living with her parents while she sorts out what she's going to do next.

I'm not sure if her transfer to a grad program in Boston has gone through or not. Hopefully it does so that she can finish her Master's degree. Also, she's still looking for work as far as I know.

When Rudy decided to move back, she didn't tell Lion right away. He was making plans to do an away rotation down in Florida during his upcoming 4th year of med school so that he could spend a whole month with Rudy. But she changed her plans without informing him.

So he's still going down to Florida and doesn't even want to try and get a rotation in Boston. He's not interested in spending a month there while she's living with her parents and not really sure what direction she's headed in.

Her abrupt life change + his upcoming decisions about residency + a general frustration with some problems in their relationship seems to have reached a tipping point for Lion. Like I said, he said he can feel himself pulling away from her. They speak less often and he is worried for the future of their relationship.

Once again, he's trying to figure out what he should do. I didn't offer any advice because he didn't ask for it. I did express sadness over the thought of the possible demise of their relationship though.

Now that I feel emotionally invested in Rudy and Lion's relationship, I don't want to see it end. I wish he would rather have that painful discussion about their problems on the chance that it could work out rather than give up because that's easier.

He hasn't made any firm decisions yet, so there's still time. Cross your fingers with me!

Lion's Life Saturday: My Love Fest Was Premature

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts.

Last week, I basically wrote an ode to Lion's girlfriend, Rudy. I think she is great, mostly because of how great she's being to me. But like the title says, the love fest was premature.

I got engaged on Sunday, and Lion is going to be my best man. I'm having a maid of honor and best man, and so is my fiance, and we don't think it's weird, so neither should you. Moving on from the run-on sentence...

I told Lion I was going to send Rudy her own separate invitation so he could still get a plus one and bring his father or his brother. He was immediately horrified. Literally, the pitch of his voice raised as well as the volume.

He requested that I don't send her a separate invitation because he wasn't sure how long they'd be together. I told him if they've been together all this time, what's 8 more months? "My wedding isn't 2 years away, it's in a number of months," I said.

He didn't care. But once he explained it, it made more sense. He is going to be sorting out residency programs that could be God-only-knows all around the country. Rudy hasn't moved back home to Boston yet, but she has quit her job and is working on transferring to a different grad school.

Lion feels that they may not make the transition. Every couple has issues, but he feels like theirs will become insurmountable in the face of all the big life changes they've got coming up.

Now that I've got a chick crush on Rudy (she's just so sweet!), I'm officially emotionally invested in their relationship. So I didn't agree to not send her an individual invite. I did, however, give him til mid-December, when they're supposed to go out, to come to a decision about them as a couple.

If he still hasn't sorted it out, I'm inviting her because I love her. And then if he must end things, he'll just have to wait until after Valentine's Day to do it.

I'm fully aware that this is my first behavior that can be officially classified as bridezilla. I'm putting one day and one invitation ahead of my best friend's happiness. I'm aware. And I'm sorry (not really, at least not yet).

Lion's Life Saturday: Reaching Back The Hand of Friendship

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts.

Last week, I talked about how both Lion and Rudy have big changes coming up in their life. I don't really have any specific updates about that, so I'll leave it alone for now.

But I've been talking a lot on Lion's day, and Sonny's day and Bad's day, how it is important to me to have working relationships with the women who are with my close guy friends. Those three men are some of my closest friends, and doing everything I can to ensure our friendship will be around for years to come is high priority.

This high priority feels very one-sided sometimes, so it's really nice when it feels like the thoughts and intentions and actions are reciprocated.

When Lion and I were down in Florida in April, Rudy was very nice to me. We've always been friendly (except when we first met, but that's a long story about an ex and a lap dance), but she went above and beyond last month. She was playing the perfect hostess even though I wasn't staying at her house. I really appreciated it and it made me that much more invested in her relationship with Lion.

Recently, she added another brick to the foundation of what I hope is a future genuine friendship. There have been a lot of storms around the Midwest. Not a whole lot right in the Chicago area, but the weather has been pretty crappy all around (seriously, 40-something at the end of May?).

Rudy sent me a text making sure I was doing okay and checking to make sure no one I knew was injured or harmed. It was such a sweet thing for her to do to reach out to me like that. Knowing that she's such a caring woman with a good head on her shoulders really has me wishing even harder that something shifts to allow for more of a possibility of a long-term relationship between her and Lion.

Okay, I'm done with my Rudy love fest. Hopefully next week, I'll have more to share about her move back home or his decisions on residency programs.

Lion's Life Saturday: Changes and Decisions Coming Up Soon

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was back at the beginning of April. I apologize for my computer issues, but yeah, it is what it is. I spoke of looking forward to the trip he and I were taking down to Florida to visit out alma mater. That weekend was amazing, and I really got to see him and Rudy together and as a couple.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

So, if you notice, this post wasn't on a Wednesday. Also, the title has changed. I discontinued (for now, I think) Noni's Stargazing Saturday and I'm moving Lion to Saturday. She has a lot going on right now, and it's very difficult to keep in constant enough contact with her to be able to write frequent posts. I think the change will work for now. But for continuity's sake, I will keep the tag for Lion as "Lion's Life Wednesday".

So, Lion's life has been interesting as of late. I don't have much to say about them as a couple because I like them together and they seem happy together. Lion even stayed an extra day when we had airport/airplane issues to spend more time with her, which was great.

But they are up for some big changes in the near future. Rudy has decided she is moving back to Boston, where she is from. She is transferring graduate programs and she quit her job. This is a pretty abrupt decision, but she's happy with it. I definitely understand the abrupt decision.

This affects Lion though because he was planning on doing an away rotation down in Florida to spend a month with her. That is changing now because he doesn't want to do a rotation in Boston where she'll be staying with her parents.

He also has big changes coming up. It's almost time for him to start applying to residency programs. He has plans for going into Internal Medicine, but he doesn't know which programs he's applying to yet. He says Rudy has no effect on the application or location choice. That's crazy to me for a couple that's been involved as long as they have.

But it's not set in stone yet what will become of their immediate future. Rudy hasn't left Florida yet and Lion hasn't chosen his residency programs to apply to. I'll be following these developments to see what happens and how it affects them as a couple.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Evaluating A Couple

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was two weeks ago. I talked about how he wasn't really considering the future, at least not where his girlfriend Rudy was concerned.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

This week, I'm thinking about the trip to Florida that Lion and I are taking. We leave Friday morning and get back Monday evening. This is a nice trip to see all our people from college who still live there or will be in town for the same weekend.


Lion's girlfriend Rudy is one of the people that still live there. She's in grad school right now and so Lion gets to spend time with her whenever he goes back to visit.


I've mentioned in recent posts how excited I am to get to observe them as a couple. The weekend is about more than that, but it's definitely on my list of priorities. I talked to Lion about feeling less invested in them as a couple and saying that I wanted to explore that while down in Florida. He told me not to get my hopes up, but I have anyway.


If they're declaring their love to one another and still together after all this time, there's hope for the future. They're not breaking up any time soon, I know that much. It won't be time for Lion to apply for residencies for at least another four months, and so I intend to enjoy their love until it becomes impossible for them not to discuss their future.


This weekend, I'll be looking for a few things, if they seem happier to be around each other, whether they have their own little world outside of everyone else, and if their physical comfort around each other has increased. I expect they'll have these three things that weren't there before. That was two years ago and this is now. I'm really excited and I hope his relationship looks as great from the outside as I've built up in my head.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Not Yet Considering The Future

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts.

Last week I talked about perceptions, and trying to figure out how I could invest more in the relationship between Lion and his girlfriend Rudy.

This week, I don't really have much more to say about that. I want to talk about bit about Lion's career path and how that may affect his relationship over the coming years.


Lion is in medical school (in case you didn't read the leading paragraph), and he's super busy all the time. For instance, right now he's doing his OB/GYN rotation and he's barely able to get two days off for us to go down to Florida back to our alma mater to hang out with our friends that are still there (along with his girlfriend Rudy).


He works ton of hours and is always busy studying for the shelf exam at the end of the rotation, trying to impress his supervisors, and trying to maintain his sanity. Most of the time when he speaks to Rudy, it's through text message. With her work schedule and classes, they have very little mutual free time.


I've never heard Lion describe the two of them as "close." But they do seem to really like each other and really love each other. And luckily, neither of them is needy and needs a lot of time from their significant other (SO). But these two are in their mid-20s. Women start to get the itch about the future and wonder what's next. These two have been involved on and off for years now.


Lion knows a few things for sure about his future. He wants to go to residency somewhere warm. He's not sure what type of medicine he wants to practice yet. He may get married, but right now he can't even imagine having children. He wants to be able to focus on something other than being a dad.


Rudy wants to be married and have a family. That definitely doesn't match what I just said about Lion. As they're approaching the end of his medical school career, he graduates in June 2012, they will have some decisions to make. They haven't discussed where he's applying to residency programs (he doesn't know himself yet) and they haven't discussed the possibility of her making plans to join him wherever he is.


He's apprehensive about that discussion because he feels is she and he move to the same city where ever he does his residency (it won't be a city either of them live in now), then he will be implying that they have this future that leads to the traditional milestones of an aging relationship. Not exactly the message he wants to send.


That is a lot to sort out on top of his career decisions. But knowing all the intricacies is bound to help the blogosphere understand why I'm dying to observe the two of them together in two weeks when we get down to Florida.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Changing Perceptions

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***
Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts


Last week, I linked to an article that talked about how to have a successful long-distance relationship. Lion and his girlfriend Rudy measured up pretty, well, at least according to that article. That was definitely a fun post to write.


This week, I want to talk about perceptions. Last weekend, Lion had some time off between rotations. I think I mentioned it in my main blog, but not in the detail I'm about to cover here. In the time he had off, he and I hung out twice. That was a long for us since he's always so busy with school.


The first night, we hung out in Central West End and had ice cream and just sat and talked. We got to catch up. We speak on the phone and through text, but the catching up always seems to be more in-depth when you're face to face. Anyone else notice that? So we're catching up and I realize that because of our previous discussions being mostly via cell phone, we'd come up with some interesting perceptions of each other's relationships.


He had come to this conclusion that my boyfriend Easy is this emotional mess of a man. He's very wrong about that. The man is just not emotionally stifled like most of the people in my world. But I had this perception of "poor poor Rudy" when it comes to Lion's girlfriend. I know that they want different things out of life and that means they probably have an expiration date.


I keep hoping that she'll be okay with not having kids if it means being with Lion or that he'll suddenly decide he wants to be a dad. But making long-term decisions based on anything except who you are at that moment is silly. You can't plan on the hope that someone will change because if they don't, it's your fault for not accepting who they were when you signed up for those long term plans. But when it comes to Lion and Rudy, knowing they probably have this expiration date hasn't stopped them from becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and falling in love.


I was mostly thinking about her and how much it will hurt if they don't last. Also, I thought she would look back on their time together and all the years spent and she would feel like she'd wasted her 20s on him. But I never really thought about how it would affect him. I don't think Lion would feel like his 20s had been wasted, but I do think it would suck for him. He loves this girl and losing her will still hurt, no matter what reason or when it happens.


But I'm glad that he is doing what he can to make the most of the time they know for sure they'll have together. Next month should produce some great stories, I hope.


Now on to the other perception. The second night Lion and I hung out, Easy came with us, as well as one of his frat brothers. We went for drinks at the bar that Lion's family owns, then we went to a club. A strip club. I'd never been to a strip club with Lion or with Easy or in St. Louis. But Lion had been before. With that same frat brother, his cousin, his nephew (who's around our age), and his girlfriend Rudy. He told me that before, but I had forgotten that point.


While we were out, he was texting her. After telling her where we were, she responded saying that she hoped he had a stack of money with him. I laughed at that because it did not fit my perception of her or their relationship. I cannot imagine her actually being okay with him giving lots of money to strippers, getting a lap dance, or any other behavior that would require him to spend a "stack" of money. But I guess she's more okay with things than I thought. Either that or she's full of it and trying to be supportive instead of saying what she really meant. But my perception is altered enough.


Lion and Rudy are one couple that I've never invested heavily in. Part of that is because they live so far away and the last time I saw them together was damn near two years ago. And also, I feel like they probably have an expiration date. What can I say, dreaming about their wedding when it probably won't happen doesn't work for me.


But with my changing perceptions, I'm hoping there's room in there to invest more in them. Next month will be a good chance for me to observe them and decide if I want to become emotionally involved with them as a couple.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Getting Long Distance Right

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***


Last week, I talked about looking forward to next month when Lion and I take a trip down to Florida. Specifically, I discussed being interested in seeing his interactions with his girlfriend Rudy as compared to the last time I saw the two of them together. I'm excited to get a front row view of their relationship as it stands today (err, next month rather).


This week, I have nothing new to report. So, I'm trolling the internet to see what advice is out there for long-distance couples. If it talks about not having long-term commitment or plans, that would be even better.


Turns out Google will give you a ton of links about how to manage your long-distance date, relationship, romance, even marriage. But I clicked on something that looked useful but also possibly light-hearted. Plus, I love lists. I found Long Distance Dating: 10 Tips For A Good Relationship. It's on the website http://www.essortment.com/, which calls itself "your source for knowledge". Lord only knows what else is floating around on that website.


But I check it out nonetheless. I'm a sucker for catchy titles, what can I say? As I read the article, it had a pretty interesting introduction, although the ideal couple they describe doesn't sound anything like Lion and Rudy. Soul mates? Lion doesn't even believe in soul mates, but I kept reading because I was dying to see what these 10 tips were. So without further delay, here are the 10 tips and whether or not Lion and Rudy follow them.


Tip #1: Make a game plan Um... I guess they have a plan. They know they want to be together short term. They know they probably will not be together long term, as she wants kids and he doesn't. I think they allow room for the relationship to change and grow. Otherwise, they wouldn't have declared to each other their love. So they've got this one.

Tip #2: Communication is key This part sounds very unlike Lion. They suggest you tell the person how much you love them and miss them every time you speak to ward off insecurity. Based on their busy schedules, I just don't see Lion squeezing I love you into every text message. Maybe he does, but I doubt it.


Tip #3: Be there for the person in good times and bad times Seeing as how Lion is in medical school and always super busy, I imagine he could be there more for Rudy at times. But they seem to have a pretty good support system going. They talk about things once they're talking. But if either one calls the other one at some odd hour of the day to discuss an emergency, they might have to wait a bit for a callback.


Tip #4: Make the commitment I'm pretty sure this is what they've done. Lion isn't seeing anybody else. He's not even doing much in the way of flirting with anybody else. That sounds like commitment to me.


Tip #5: Send old-fashioned letters and packages through the mail I know he's definitely done this once or twice, but I'm not sure if it's a habit or not. They don't really do gifts like a typical couple. They didn't exchange anything for Valentine's Day this year. And for Christmas, Lion bought Rudy tires for her car. Can't (shouldn't) send those in the mail.


Tip #6: Uncork the bottle They definitely don't talk about some major issues in the relationship. I know Lion avoids certain topics because of fear of how Rudy will respond. Also, since he feels they have an expiration date, he doesn't see the need for constant conflict resolution for things that are really long-term problems anyway.
Tip #7: Use technology to your advantage This is something they definitely do. Without text messaging, they wouldn't talk nearly as often because of their horribly schedules.


Tip #8: Common interests give you topics to discuss The only thing I know they have in common is that her sorority is the sister to his fraternity. They probably have more, but that's all I know.


Tip #9: Make the other person remember how great you are I honestly don't know. But this tip is about balancing the good in your life with the bad. Making sure you share both is important, but I'm not at all sure how Lion and Rudy do on this balance. Seriously, I can't even conjecture a guess.


Tip #10: Plan visits Oh yeah. Considering how expensive it is to fly from St. Louis to Tallahassee, I think they see each other pretty regularity. And like I said, we're headed down there next month. I do wonder when is the next time she's coming up to the Midwest though. Aside from visiting, they also vacation together on breaks/holidays.


 
They have at least 7 out of 10, and some of them I truly didn't know the answer. They didn't do too shabby on the tip list. They could do better, but they've got a lot of the building blocks needed to maintain a strong long-distance relationship.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Looking Forward To Next Month

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was two weeks ago. I talked about Lion's good friend Rev and how we helped counsel Lion through a relationship issue with Rudy that he didn't want to talk out with her. I'm glad that issue is long gone. Or rather, tabled for a long time at least.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts.

Now Lion's focus in on next month. We are going to Florida for the second weekend in April. His fraternity throws this great party every year. This party is my favorite from college. It's so great that I time my trips to Florida so I can attend this party. I know I'm like year out of college, but this party has lots of alumni at it, so no biggie.


Lion is also looking forward to this party because it's a reunion for his fraternity. Plus, Rudy still lives in Tallahassee, so he gets to spend time with her. We had an interesting time working out how we were going to get there and where we were going to stay. Fly from Chicago or St. Louis? Fly into Jacksonville or Tallahassee? Rent a car or not? Hotel or not?


We finally worked it out where we're going to Fly from St. Louis to Jacksonville and get a ride to Tallahassee, then fly from Tallahassee to St. Louis. It's cheapest that way. And we're avoiding hotels. I'm gonna stay with Lion's nephew and he's obviously staying with Rudy. The only question now is whether our friend Rev, who's also in the fraternity, is bringing his new girlfriend.


Lion doesn't actually expect Rudy to come to this party. She says she's getting too old to be going to such parties. I feel some kind of way about that since I'm older than her. But Rudy is older than Lion, so I don't know if she's going to expect him to not go to the party next year. I guess we'll see. But I do know she's happy he's coming to visit. He doesn't get down there much during the school year because he is super busy and he is medical school after all.


But next month should be great. It's been a really long time since I've seen Rudy and Lion together. I'm really hoping to get a good feel for how they are as a couple. The thing I'll be looking for most is their physical comfort with each other. The last time we were all together, about two years ago, they weren't physically comfortable with each other in public.


That's not totally crazy though because they hadn't defined what they were and there wasn't much public aspect to their relationship. I think that was actually the first time they'd even been somewhere other than the super public (like a quad or something) where everyone in the room knew they were involved. I'm gonna chalk that up to the newness of it all. I bet it will be much better this year.

Lion's Life Wednesday: A Close Call On Relationship Troubles

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life with Rudy a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow. Between love, patience, and a lot of text messaging, they make it work.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was waaay back in November. Like the intro says, Lion is busy with school. So there aren't always any new updates to talk about in his relationship with Rudy. But the last post was just a story about a predicament Rudy got into. Her support system was pretty large because of her relationship with Lion. I felt it underscored a good part of their relationship. Everyone in their lives is in support of them being together and willing to go the extra mile to make things go smoothly.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

That extra mile people will go is the subject of today's post. I can't go into too many details because Lion has requested that I don't.

But Lion, myself, and another friend of ours from college were all on the phone one night. The three of us were discussing relationships, specifically our own.

This other friend I'll call Rev. Rev and I spent some time catching up on each other's relationships. Both he and I met someone over the summer and we hadn't gotten a chance to just sit and chat about it.

Lion wasn't really in on that part of the conversation. He just passed his one year anniversary with Rudy. Plus, they've really been involved on and off since 2007, so he wasn't really feeling that less-than-a-year, still-in-the-honeymoon-phase conversation Rev and I were sharing.

But moving on from my own happiness, we spent the majority of the phone conversation discussing Lion's relationship with Rudy. Any couple that is involved for a long time invariably discovers things about each other that aren't as compatible as they would like.

The major issue for Lion and Rudy is, as I've mentioned before, she wants kids and he does not. Lion is starting to feel more strongly that this is a deal breaker. He mentioned that if he knows they have to break up at some point, why should they stay together now and continue to let feelings grow deeper?

It's a good question. One that Rev and I couldn't answer for him. But we talked to him about that and other issues he felt they had. After trying unsuccessfully to get him to come up with a plan for discussing it with Rudy, we tried another tactic.

We helped him plan how he would end things with her. It was a tricky situation because like I said, they were right around the corner from their one year anniversary.

But a plan is what we came up with. Then we basically had to wait to see what would happen.

I'll update on what happened next week.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Outside Support Adds To A Relationship's Stability

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Last week, I posted about Lion's life on a Thursday. He doesn't have an official day because Wednesday belongs to Camille. So that's how he ended up on a Thursday again. I had a post for Camille yesterday, but nothing for Bad today.

But while I was in St. Louis visiting Easy, I got to spend more time with Lion than I expected and we talked more about him and Rudy.

One sign of a great relationship? All your friends are in support of it.

Rudy is down in Florida and she spends a good deal of time around Lion's fraternity brothers. They all love her.

A great example of that is last Wednesday, she had a car incident. Not exactly an accident.

Rudy's tire blew out while she was driving on the expressway. She called a bunch of people to come help her, but people weren't answering her phone. One person finally answered who's in Lion's fraternity.

He's this guy who calls Lion his uncle. I guess it's because of their close relationship and difference in pledge lines or whatever. But he also calls Rudy his aunt. How cute is that?

But he showed up and changed her tire and calmed her down and got her on her way. Lion knows that his girl is well taken care of even though he's far away. But I do think he should be teaching Rudy how to change her own tire the next time she comes up here to visit.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Special Thursday Edition Because They're In Love!!

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Lion was way back in August. He and Rudy just don't spend that much time together because of their school work and her job. So there wasn't much to post. But I was talking about their future and how I was worried that they didn't have one. I was definitely more concerned about it than Lion was.] Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

Since that time, there have been some new developments. Lion has actually acknowledged that they may have an expiration date. They've had more talks about the differences in what they want out of life. He doesn't see how Rudy could ever give up on wanting children. And he doesn't see how he could ever want children.

But he does say that just is about today. They're still years away from making any decisions like that. They won't even have a chance to consider what's next until they both finish school. Maybe things will change by then. Maybe he will want children. A few years ago he didn't consider marriage as a good idea for him and that has changed.

But on to the more sappy sweet stuff. He went to visit our college and Rudy during homecoming two weekends ago. Right before he went down, he and Rudy reached a different level in their relationship. They discussed some very personal things and got closer as a couple.

And when he was down there, he told her he loved her. And she said it back of course! The story is sweet and fits them. They were just hanging out at her place and she was working on homework or something. And he just said it, no build up, no fuss to the situation. And then they moved on with their day.

That will never be a scene in a romantic comedy unless it stars that chick from Juno, but I couldn't imagine Lion and Rudy saying I love you in any other way.

Now that there's officially love involved, I'm hoping that means they're each more invested in the relationship and will work that much harder to make things work in the long term.

Lion's Life Wednesday: A Long Term Relationship?

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [The last time I wrote about Lion and his girlfriend Rudy was to look forward to the future on their behalf. They'll both be done with school in 2012 (I think) and if they are still together, they will have to make some difficult decisions because they want very different things out of life: where to live, if to have to children, if to get married, when to do all these things. I have this fear that things aren't gonna end well. And when she accuses him of wasting the best years of her life, he's gonna say, you knew this was who I was and what I (didn't) want. But for now, they are making their long-distance grad school relationship work.]

Last time I asked Lion about Rudy, he said they barely had time to talk because their schedules were different and practically opposite. Thank God for technology and good friends. They text a lot because that's pretty much all they can do most of the time. Also, a mutual friends of theirs has more time and talks to both of them quite frequently. He relays messages as well. They're making it work. And as far as I know, both of them are cool with the situation as it stands because it's temporary.

I still have my fear about their future. I like Rudy for Lion. She makes him happy, and he makes her happy. They do pretty well on my 6/6 scale. To refresh my scale has three questions that becomes six when answered by both people in the couple. Question 1: Are you happy? Question 2: Is your relationship healthy? Question 3: Does this person make you a better person? I would like it if Lion and Rudy talked about more sensitive subjects. It seems like parts of their relationship are still so surface. But maybe their just not the kind of people who discuss difficult things. If they have that in common, it's lucky that they found each other. The point is that they answer yes to those questions, not me. I think they'd have at least 4 out of 6 and they are a work in progress because we know it's not as good as it can get while they live apart with crazy schedules.

I'm looking forward to seeing how long this current setup will last. Lion is in medical school, so his schedule can theoretically change every two months or so as he switches rotations. Rudy is a working grad student, so her schedule is a little more set in stone for this semester.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Looking To The Far Future

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***


Quick Recap: Lion's girlfriend is Rudy. She went to college with us. They were dating at the end of college, but he broke it off because he didn't want a long-distance relationship. He changed his mind, he won her back, and now they're making it work even though he lives in St. Louis and she lived in Florida.

I went to visit Lion in St. Louis after my family got back from South Carolina. I asked him if Rudy was coming up to visit too because it had been a while since she's been to St. Louis. But Lion went down to Florida this week, so she wouldn't be coming up. I often wonder how she feels about him having such a close female friend. But I've never heard him say she has complained, so I guess I won't worry about it.

Their current issue is that she wants to be married and have a family eventually and he doesn't. He used to not even see himself being married, but now he can, as long as that person also doesn't want children. This has major potential to crash and burn, but probably not anytime soon. Rudy is looking for grad schools to attend. And nowhere in St. Louis is the specific psychology grad program she wants.

But when she finishes her grad program in 2012 at the same time he finishes med school, some choices will need to be made. I can't imagine him proposing to her if he knows she wants children. I can just hope he'll have changed his mind by then.

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 2

So, my Aidan is Light. I've only mentioned Light briefly in this blog, mostly as an introduction of how I met Lion's girlfriend Rudy. But we were in the same group of friends during sophomore year of college. Literally the first week of junior year, he approached me and asked if I might be interested in dating him. I appreciated his approach and wasn't really interested, but I figured I'd give him a chance.

Aidan and Carrie had a lovely romance where he wanted to wait and not have sex. He wanted to them to have romance first. This didn't sit well with Carrie until she remembered that it was okay that she not rush into things for once. It was the same with Light and me. He wanted to take things slow and have this really traditional courtship. I think we waited two whole months before we got physical.

Aidan decided pretty early on that he would be very happy settling down with Carrie. He wanted a family, children, some property, etc. Light was the same way. He decided very early on that if he and I ended up together, he'd be just fine. He actually told me he wanted to marry me one day. And not in a over-the-top way. He was just letting me know his intentions. And like Carrie, I sort of freaked out. I felt like ending up with Light would be settling and I couldn't figure out why. He was a lovely guy. Definitely one the of best boyfriends I've ever had. He was the kind of guy who would come over at 3 o'clock in the morning to kill a spider for me. There wasn't much he would do for me. And after about 8 months, he learned how to gift properly. Some of my favorite jewelry was from him. But eventually, we broke up because I saw myself going somewhere else. I broke up with him shortly before graduation. It was a very emotional decision that I didn't regret.

And while I never cheated on Light with Bad the way Carrie cheated on Aidan with Big, Bad did play a role. There was something about him that Light could never be and that only justified my thinking that I would be settling. I doubt I would've made the same decision today, but that was who I was three years ago. So I walked away from him. But yeah, I've always seen Aidan as Carrie's one-who-got-away, and that's who Light is for me. He's also one of my few exes that I rarely speak to. I wonder how he's doing. Maybe I'll run into him on vacation like Carrie is going to run into Aidan on SATC 2. Could be interesting since I'm such a different person now. Being in 2.5 bad relationships can do that to a person.

Lion Sees An Expiration Date

I was talking to Lion yesterday and hearing all the lovely details of the party I missed in Florida last weekend. I wish I'd had more courage to make my big decision a few weeks ago. Then I wouldn't have missed that party. This is literally the first time I've missed this Champagne Sip since 2004. I'm telling you, there is nothing like being surrounded by people in Black Tie attire, all drinking directly from their own champagne bottles, swaying on a dance floor. Best! Party! Ever!

After Lion filled me on the lovely details, he told me some stuff about Rudy. Turns out since neither of them are big on birthdays, they didn't actually celebrate her birthday. I was perplexed by that, but that's just because I can't imagine ignoring my birthday. But I suppose that works for them.

Then Lion started talking about how he didn't know where their futures were going since they wanted such different things. She wants a family one day. He wants a vasectomy. She wants to live near her parents. He wants to live somewhere in the South (she's from Boston, or somewhere near there). That's just the beginning.

I was surprised because although he's said he doesn't really want a family, he's never gone so far as to talk about a vasectomy. But he sounded like he meant it. So I said, "well it sounds like you all have an expiration date for your relationship." He said, "I guess we do."

That sucks because they're so good for each other right now. I'm hoping he'll change his mind. How can he know he doesn't want a family? It just doesn't make sense. He loves kids, he likes the companionship that being in a relationship brings.

The good news is since they live in different states, there's no immediate pressure from her for him to change his mind. She's not walking around with the baby itch or ticking clock or whatever. But she'll get there. Most every woman gets there. I'm just hoping that when she does, he'll be willing to go there too.

Lion & Rudy

I feel like I should tell the story of Lion & Rudy finally, especially since I keep referencing them in other blogs.

First, of course, I must tell how I know them. Well, I met Lion during orientation of college. He had the same major as me (or rather we switched our major to the same thing during orientation). Our scholarship advisor suggested we sign up for all the same classes, and we were like, sure whatever. We didn't really even like each other right off the bat, rather we just knew we were very different people. But we had a pretty good rapport and a friendship was born. I don't think either of us really considered us friends until halfway through college, but once we decided we were, we were like best friends. Lion and I have been through a lot together. He's in med school right now too. I'm so proud of him, he's good people.

Rudy, I met because I was trying to figure out who is this chick giving my boyfriend (who we'll call Light) a lap dance. Now I'm not talking about a stripper's lap dance, more of a we're-both-drunk-and-sitting-is-easier-than-standing-while-we're-dancing-at-this-party type thing. She and her sister had just transferred to our college. It was my junior year of college. I thought she was a nice enough girl, but I just couldn't really be a fan of hers seeing as how that's how we met. And by this point, I was so over defending my relationships against outsiders, so she really had no chance on the outset. Especially since after that, she ended up really good friends with Light. I tried to not be too jealous, but that didn't really get easy until Light and I broke up.

Rudy and Lion met because they joined a sorority and brother that are officially on the books brother and sister frat/sorority. They did a lot of community projects together and got to know each other. When she's not drinking, Rudy can be shy. And David is only outgoing sometimes, so they moved very slowly. They also have had very different experiences with physical relationships in their past, so they started off on a different page that way.

When Lion and I graduated from college, Rudy was still a student there. He decided it was best for them to stop being involved when he left because he's not cut out for a long-distance relationship. They weren't official or anything, but they still had that talk when he left. I thought he was being a punk and making a mistake because I liked her for him. I saw a different side of Rudy when she was involved with Lion. Aside from their lack of a physical relationship, they were good for each other.

Then, about 5-6 months ago, Lion decided he missed Rudy and wanted her. But he didn't just want what they had before, he wanted her to be his girlfriend. It took some convincing to get her on board (I was glad about that since she had the right to make him work to get her back), but then they were together. Since that time, she's been to St. Louis to meet his family. He's been to Boston to meet her family. They went to DC to have a couples hanging out weekend with Lion's other best friend and his girlfriend. They seem stronger than ever. And now they're together down in Florida celebrating her birthday weekend and going to some of the biggest parties thrown at our college that are happening this weekend.

I'm not saying I think she's the One. Well, actually I am saying that. She's as close to perfect for him that I think he's gonna get. She makes him happy. They're comfortable together and they just work. Considering Lion never had a serious girlfriend all through college, it's nice to see him with someone with whom he can really build a life. I'm just interested in what's going to happen when she finishes school. She'll be done before he is. I hope he asks her to move with him where ever he is. That would be awesome.

Noni & Eric

I figure it's about time to tell the story of Noni & Eric. So, I know Noni from college. We met because she started dating a guy who was currently dating a good friend of mine. It's actually a friend I've mentioned before because she was the one who went after Adam before I got him. But anyway, now she was supposedly with this other guy, but then he started seeing Noni too. All hell broke loose. I was hanging out with this guy's roommate and so I was around them a lot. I sort of became her friend by accident. We got very very close quite quickly, and stayed good friends after our respective relationships fell through with those roommates.

We were roommates ourselves the next school year. We've stayed pretty close, though not as close in the years since we both left college. But the story of her and Eric is quite interesting. They met shortly after she returned home from college.

He was fresh out a relationship with the mother of his son. The little boy was literally like 4 months old. He had been with this chick for like years. But he felt they had grown apart from the wonderful-ness of their teenage relationship. This was back in 2007. So he and Noni started going out and things were good between them.

Eric was glad to be with a woman who wasn't so demanding, and actually liked taking care of him. I don't mean financially, I mean in other ways. Noni is a cooking, cleaning, ironing kind of girl. She likes to make sure her man is taken care of. His last chick wasn't like that. And Noni, Eric was the kind of person with whom she could be herself, no apologies. She wasn't in fear of his negative reactions to what she might say. She wasn't worried that he was out cheating on her. It started out as something very healthy and cathartic almost for the two of them.

Things never stay rosy forever though. Eric's ex was a constant interruption. He is a very active father, so Noni was around his son a lot. The mother didn't like that, but got over it fairly quickly when she started dating someone else who was around the boy, so she couldn't really raise that fuss. She was close with Eric's mother, so she tried to turn her against Noni. There was an uncomfortable situation with the family for a while. Noni is very sensitive to things like that so that was a rough time for her. Some of Noni & Eric's first fights were over the ex and his family.

When they moved in together that made some things better and some things worse. Eric wanted to feel like he wasn't tied down all the time, so he spent more time away from Noni and out with his friends. She wasn't happy with that because he was counting hours that they were asleep towards time spent together. And of course, the economic downtown has been particularly hard on Florida, where they live. There's been battles about money, and finding a job, and what's done with the money that's earned.

And then Noni got pregnant. They were contemplating getting married before she got pregnant. They decided to wait when they started having problems. But now that they're pregnant, things have changed again. They have, at times, a very volatile relationship. When things are good, they're super good. But when communication breaks down or when they start having different priorities, it's really for them to get back on track again. Having a baby only adds to that pressure, so I'm a bit worried about them.

But for now, they seem back on track. The volatile nature of the relationship has subsided since they found out she was preggers. She's planning her baby shower, and they seem to be committed to making it work. I hope so, I know Eric doesn't want to be that guy, you kow the one. The guy who has fathered several babies by several women. He wants to make it work this time. I've got my fingers crossed.

I think of the 6/6 scale, they've got a 4-5 out of six. I know it's supposed to be a definite yes or no scale, but I'm actually not sure about one of their answers so that's why they get a range.

PT Update: I should have crises more often because PT has been checking up on me to see how I'm doing quite often in the last couple of days. After we discuss whatever is the present situation with me, we talk about him and what's going on with him. It's nice to feel like he's there for me and cares about what's going on with me. I'm really glad I decided to tell him.

Top Update: She is in the full swing of avoiding dating. There's a really nice guy at her job who she has already come up with many reasons why she could never date him. These reasons are not particularly legitimate. But at least she's following her heart and doing what she thinks is best for her right now. I can't be mad at that.

Bad Update: He's currently down in St. Louis with Jordan. The hotel he got for the night upgraded him to the honeymoon suite. I'm just gonna put up a picture of the bathtub I made him send me so you can see how romantic their evening is going to be! Yay for keeping the romance alive. Any woman dating a Libra male (when he's secure) is a lucky woman indeed.

Lion Update: He's with Rudy down in Florida for the annual party we always go to for his frat (I didn't go this year cause I was dealing with my own issues. I bet I don't miss next year!). They are having a good time and celebrating cause it's her birthday this weekend. Perhaps she'll get drunk enough to finally let him go to second base (don't even get me started on how slowly those two are moving, even though they have a good reason for it).