Monday, January 10, 2011

Gloria's Romantic Monday: Frustrating Behavior From All The Men

***Gloria is a friend of mine I know from church. She is a single mother. She has a boyfriend, Gregory, who we all love and her son's father, Rufus, who we all hate. She is fun-loving and hilarious. Gloria is the type of friend who'd be there for you at a party, when things get tough, or even if you need help applying for school.***

Last week, I was talking about how the main drama in Gloria and Gregory's life is outside of just the two of them.

This week, I've got two shining examples of this.

The first comes from Gloria's son's father, Rufus.

I've already said that I feel like he sucks as a person, but one thing I couldn't take away from him was that he was a reasonably good father.

It turns out, that is not something he is consistently. Gloria has recently let him know that if he doesn't start doing more for his son, he will not be able to spend so much time with him.

He used to help out with his son, but recently it has become more infrequent.

And half the time he picks up his son to spend time with him, the boy ends up at his grandparents' house, not with his father.

Gloria is just tired of fighting with Rufus to keep up his end of the responsibilities it takes to raise a child.

I don't know what the next step is here for Gloria and Rufus, but I do know that he hasn't seen his son in at least a few weeks now.

The other drama involves Gregory's son. Gregory spends a ton of time around Gloria's son.

I think this is good for him because if his mother is going to marry this man, he should have a relationship with him too.

Gloria's logic is that she should have the same building relationship with Gregory's son.

She invites him to bring his son with him when he comes over quite often. At least she used to.

They had a talk about it recently. She was asking Gregory why he was so against his son spending time with her and her son.

She questioned why he didn't think it was important for them to have a relationship.

He gave a typical non-answer. You know, the kind you'd expect from a man who doesn't want to have that particular conversation.

The jury is still out on what the whole story is for that situation, but Gloria has decided to take a break from talking about it since it's really starting to bother her.

So aside from the drama of her son's father and his son, they're fine. It's just difficult to constantly deal with that type of drama.

But I'm pretty sure they will bounce back from this current drama. That's why God made communication.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sonny's Sunday: The Holidays Were Fun And Simple

***Sonny is an old friend of mine. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. He's also my friend who's doing the super-adult thing. He and his new fiancee Cher just bought a house. They're working on planning a life together. Even with all that stability, their love life is still interesting.***

Quick Recap [My last post about Sonny and Cher was back in November around his birthday. It was a good time all around for everyone there and I noticed that they seemed better than the last time I hung out at their house. I figured their new level of happiness had to do with making that adjustment to living together. There are always growing pains when that happens. I still want to spend time with either of them without the other, but that hadn't happened at that point.] Read Sonny's Sunday posts.

Since that time, I still haven't spent time with either of them alone.

I guess some couples just don't like being without each other.

It's a little weird that only a tiny part of their lives (when they're at work) don't include each other.

I wonder what they talk about because they're always together. There are no stories to tell.

But whatever, moving on to their holidays.

Christmas was nice for them. Good fun, family time, and all that.

They got Cher's mother a dog for Christmas.

The dog was surprise, so they had to keep it at their house for about a week and a half before Christmas.

It was an interesting time for them to have two dogs in the house, especially one who was only a temporary guest, but her mother loved the gift.

That made it worth it.

For New Year's Eve, they spent the time with Cher's family. She's got two or three sisters.

They all went over Sonny and Cher's house. They had a dinner and some drinks and brought in the new year as a family.

Sonny said he had a great time on New Year's.

I know his family is still warming up to Cher, so I'm really happy that her family likes hanging out at their house with them.

I'm going to ask some questions about their wedding plans for next week's post.

They are supposed to get married next year, so they should be making some pretty concrete plans at this point.

I can't wait to hear what they are. For instance, I want to know if they still intend on getting married on a cruise.

And I wonder who they have picked as their wedding party, or if they've even sorted that out yet.

I guess we'll see soon how all that is going.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: A New Year's Spent Looking To The Future

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [In my last post about Noni, which was three weeks ago, I expressed concern for Noni that the improvements in her relationship with Eric had basically gone away again. I wasn't exactly surprised, but I had been hoping that things would have improved for her. She works so hard to keep their home and kid together, I was just hoping that he would help her out more.] Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Since that time, some interesting changes have occurred with Noni.

She's on the precipice of a full-blown quarter life crisis.

Pretty much all my friends have been through this around their 25th birthday. I may write a blog post about it on my main blog.

I want to tell a quick story about Noni from college.

She was dating this guy in our group of friends and they had a series of what should have been epic crashes and burns.

But over the years they were involved, they never actually officially ended things.

One day, she just decided she was done. She gathered her things and left.

She did this while he was away from the apartment. And she never looked back.

They are friends now (years later), but they will never again be romantically involved.

That was then.

At this point in her life, with this roller coaster she's on with Eric, she's considering gathering her things and leaving him.

Without warning. Just deciding to be done and leaving.

Things are more complicated now though. They have a son together. She's about to start back at school Monday after next.

This feeling she's been having reads a lot like a quarter life crisis. Her 25th birthday is in May.

For Noni, this could be a quarter life crisis, or more of the same. But that doesn't matter.

What matters is she is finally starting to realize that if your long-term happiness in a relationship depends on the person you're with changing, something is wrong.

After a pretty detailed discussion, I found out that things are still good with Eric. Sometimes.

But there are times when things are so frustrating that she just wants to gather her things and leave.

I told her about how Bad and Jordan are my drama free couple and she and Eric are my roller coaster couple.

I told her that I felt that even if she did leave Eric, her next relationship would be just as dramatic.

She agreed that she is drawn to the feeling of being with a person who is unpredictable and can't be controlled.

She likes a man who is his own person and is a bit mysterious.

The only problem is guys like that stay that way. Even in the middle of a serious relationship, they stay unpredictable.

They become the guy you can't count on for consistency. They are the guy you fight with and then make up with several times a month.

Noni would like to find the one guy who starts out unpredictable and then magically become dependable and consistent.

So after all of that, what happens now?

Well, for now, the good still outweighs the bad.

Noni doesn't like the constant drama with Eric. At least not as often as it happens.

She doesn't like fighting with him about him doing things that should come natural to a grown-up raising two kids.

But she's staying. She's expecting to reach that point of no return where he comes home to find all her stuff gone.

She wants more than what Eric is offering. Well, she wants what he is offering, but not what he actually delivers.

She just still has hope that one day things will turn around for them.

She still loves him and wants things to work out so she and the man she loves can raise the child they made together.

I don't know where they are going from here. I know they are still together.

I do find myself wondering how he feels about all this. Is he as frustrated with their relationship? Is he feeling that they are near their end?

But I'm not friends with Eric. I'm friends with Noni. So I guess those questions will never be answered.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Another Layer Of Bullshit Added To The Relationship

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

Hello blog readers! I usually don't actually request comments on this blog.

Why would I? What would you comment on? You don't know these people, you only get a glimpse into part of their lives one day a week every couple of weeks.

But I'm going to tell you what happened with Terrence and Michelle and I need to know if anyone ele's bullshit meter goes off.

Last week, I posted about how Terrence had a girlfriend. He had just fit the first girl to say yes into this idea of what he thinks he wanted.

Turns out that was wrong. He doesn't have a girlfriend.

That's what he told Michelle when he re-surfaced after not speaking to her or responding to texts for like the entire week between Christmas and New Year's Eve.

He explained that the other chick who he said was now giving a chance to see what could be had a really strong crazy streak (no surprise there, she wanted to be your girlfriend even though she had no existing relationship with you).

And then he explained that he had been dealing with her craziness for all those days and didn't want to have to deal with two women while he handled that.

Apparently, when he sent Michelle the text saying he felt he and she should stop talking, he did that out of anger. Towards the other chick. Yes, he said that with a straight face.

He was frustrated with the crazy chick and took it out on Michelle.

He cut Michelle off for a couple of days. To talk to the crazy chick for a couple of  days.

When he re-surfaced, there was no discussion of how he got rid of the crazy chick. He never said, "don't worry, she's gone."

The good news in all of this is that Michelle is pretty furious with Terrence. She's not just giving him the benefit of the doubt.

A tiny part of me wonders if she should give him the benefit of the doubt.

My mom says that you'll be alone forever if you never give a man a second chance.

But Michelle and Terrence have some years of history behind them so they are way past a second chance.

I guess we'll see what happens now. Terrence heads back out to his Armed Forces gig soon if he hasnt' already left.

And Michelle heads back to school on Sunday. I'm sure she would rather focus on her last semester of college rather than all this bullshit she's been through with these men over the last couple of weeks.

Heck, she may even be glad there's only the one guy to hang out with in Charleston.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Big Bad Thursday: Bringing In The New Year Like Every Couple Should

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and was a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. He finally realized a woman was worth giving up complete and total bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together. They live in a wonderful apartment in Chicago and they are quite a fabulous couple.***

Quick Recap [My last post was about a month ago. I was saying how much I love that they are the drama free couple in my life. I also briefly discussed their plans for Christmas and New Year's Eve.] Read Big Bad Thursday posts

They are still my drama free couple. They're just happy and enjoying their relationship.

I wonder if people who always have some type of drama going on really prefer it that way.

Well Bad and Jordan ended up spending Christmas together in the Chicago area at Bad's parents' house.

Jordan was going to go home to St. Louis, but she ended up having to work, so she couldn't leave.

Since they were going to spend Christmas together, they got a Christmas tree.

I liked their lights they had on the tree, but they only had one ornament, which was hilarious.

They have this plan now where each time they have a special thing happen, they'll get an ornament for it.

So for vacations, special events (like at some point whenever they get engaged), etc., they will have an ornament for that occasion.

I love that idea because I always see these really cute commemorative ornaments, but I hardly ever see them on anyone's tree.

They went down to St. Louis the week between Christmas and New Year's for a couple of days, but it was a very short trip.

We did all end up spending New Year's Eve together. It was a lot of fun. Tapas, champagne, dancing.

They are such a cute couple, and so much fun to be around.

I love hanging out with Bad and Jordan, but I don't necessarily want to be the third wheel all the time, so I usually bring a friend with me.

When we grabbed lunch on Christmas Eve, Top was with us. The four of us had a blast.

And when we went ouf for New Year's Eve, Michelle was with us.

Michelle definitely had a good time. She picked up one of Bad's best friends who was in town for the holiday.

Well, they picked each other up. I'll tell that story on Friday.

But Bad and Jordan are just so much fun to be out with. We ended up at Leg Room at the end of the night to dance and have a couple more drinks.

They are the type of couple who can be out dancing without any hints of jealousy or craziness.

While Bad was off getting us drinks, we were all just dancing with random guys who came up to dance with us.

And while Jordan, Michelle, and I were joking about needing to come up with a "I'm done with this guy, get him away from me" signal, the guys came back and we just started dancing with them.

I doubt the situation would have gone as smoothly if I had been out with Noni and Eric. I'm just saying...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Camille's Wishful Wednesday: Mystery Man Is Still A Mystery

***Camille is a friend of mine I know from church. She is classified on another blog I read as a "hopeless romantic", and I think that describes her pretty well. I also think she's incredibly well-balanced and able to work on multiple parts of herself at once. She is a law student, a Sunday school teacher, and an all-around good person. She has some pretty concrete ideas about men and the type of man she'd like to end up with. But she's doing the in-my-20s-dating-follies thing as well.***

Last week, I was more than ready for Camille's friend to finally set her up with this mystery man.

That's not what happened this week. I don't even know if the friend told the guy about Camille.

I asked her about the situation and she said she was over it.

And now I think Camille is secretly a commitment-phobe. She is usually over situations before they've come to an official end.

The friend who brought the idea of the mystery man into Camille's world is a friend she knows from school.

Camille starts back at school the week after next, so this friend could come back with info about actually meeting the mystery man.

Maybe Camille is just temporarily over it; I can't be sure until more time has passed.

I wish I knew a great guy to introduce her to. But all my guy friends are in very serious relationships.

So this may be the last you hear of the mystery man; I guess we'll have to see.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Tip Top Tuesday: A Plan For A Man Who Isn't Like The Others

***My girl Top is unique and one-of-a-kind. This makes the story of her love life especially interesting. Just when you think you've got her figured, she makes an unexpected move. She's my career-minded friend who's always focused on self-improvement. She's also super-independent yet a closet nurturer. Read and learn how to be fabulous.***

Last week, I was talking about Dan, who had made the fatal mistake that every guy Top dates (or never actually dates) eventually makes.

They decide they want this big grand relationship. Out of nowhere usually.

This comes after Top has expressed from the beginning that she's just not interested in anything super serious.

She has recently come up with a plan to avoid this craziness.

She's now looking for an older man.

She's already said she'd be interested in dating an older man because they would hopefully have lived long enough to avoid some of the constant mistakes men in their 20s make.

She's hoping with more experience behind him, a man age 35-45 will have learned to let people be themselves without projecting what you think onto them.

She described this guy for me. He sounds pretty great.

I need a more experienced guy. We can have like a mentorship/friendship/romantic thing. Nothing too serious. No marriage. He has his own space, I have mine.

He's educated, successful, talented, gives back, cultured, enjoys travel, and trying new things.

Hopefully his experience would have taught him a level of acceptance of people and to suspend the "fantasy fairytale" of who people should be and how they should live.
The last part is something I keep running into, so that's a must. He'll be older, so he can teach me some things about work and life.

My guy can even be divorced;  I can work with that.

So where will she find such a guy since she doesn't already know one like that?

Bad suggested she go to the Tribeca Film Festival in the spring in NYC. He said she's bound to meet a guy like that there.

I told her to go to a squash court at a gym. I honestly couldn't think of anything better.

This is new for Top. It's not like she's suddenly pursuing a man after 26 years of never really doing it.

It's just that she's considering placing herself specifically where she thinks she can find the type of man she wants.

This should be interesting to watch and see what happens.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Gloria's Romantic Monday: Bringing In The New Year Family Style

***Gloria is a friend of mine I know from church. She is a single mother. She has a boyfriend, Gregory, who we all love and her son's father, Rufus, who we all hate. She is fun-loving and hilarious. Gloria is the type of friend who'd be there for you at a party, when things get tough, or even if you need help applying for school.***

Quick Recap [The last post I wrote about Gloria was forever ago. I wasn't trying to neglect my girl, but I have rarely had time to write a full post on a Monday. But that last post was about Gregory, her boyfriend. I just did a quick background of how they started dating and the particulars of their basic history. They each have a little boy and the other parent of their sons each has another son. And they are ready to move on to the next phase of their life.] Read Romantic Monday posts.

Gregory and Gloria have spent the last month or so discussing the serious possibilities of how they are going to make the rest of their lives work just the way they want.

They intend on getting married in the near future.

I thought they might beat Sonny and Cher down the aisle, but now I'm thinking they might not.

Gloria wants to have a traditional engagement even if they don't have a big fancy wedding.

That pushes things back because Gregory has to get her a ring, and he wants to get her a nice ring.

They are also discussing things like where they will live and how they will combine their families.

Gloria wants to move away from Chicago.

Gregory is okay with that plan, but he can't leave the Chicago area for at least another fifteen months.

So, it looks like they are at least on a fifteen month plan before they can start the life they've agreed they want.

But, they are still living in today's time and working on building their relationship and being happy together.

They spent a nice New Year's Eve together, at home, together. Well, they were at Gloria's home.

But Gloria, Gregory, and her son brought in the New Year together. It's actually the exact way I'd expect someone with a small child to celebrate the holiday.

Gloria and Gregory aren't as drama free as Bad and Jordan are, but their drama doesn't suggest that they may break up any day.

Their drama is more about regular life and how it may negatively impact their love life. But they are a strong couple and can handle it together.


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