Lion's Life Wednesday: A Long Term Relationship?

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [The last time I wrote about Lion and his girlfriend Rudy was to look forward to the future on their behalf. They'll both be done with school in 2012 (I think) and if they are still together, they will have to make some difficult decisions because they want very different things out of life: where to live, if to have to children, if to get married, when to do all these things. I have this fear that things aren't gonna end well. And when she accuses him of wasting the best years of her life, he's gonna say, you knew this was who I was and what I (didn't) want. But for now, they are making their long-distance grad school relationship work.]

Last time I asked Lion about Rudy, he said they barely had time to talk because their schedules were different and practically opposite. Thank God for technology and good friends. They text a lot because that's pretty much all they can do most of the time. Also, a mutual friends of theirs has more time and talks to both of them quite frequently. He relays messages as well. They're making it work. And as far as I know, both of them are cool with the situation as it stands because it's temporary.

I still have my fear about their future. I like Rudy for Lion. She makes him happy, and he makes her happy. They do pretty well on my 6/6 scale. To refresh my scale has three questions that becomes six when answered by both people in the couple. Question 1: Are you happy? Question 2: Is your relationship healthy? Question 3: Does this person make you a better person? I would like it if Lion and Rudy talked about more sensitive subjects. It seems like parts of their relationship are still so surface. But maybe their just not the kind of people who discuss difficult things. If they have that in common, it's lucky that they found each other. The point is that they answer yes to those questions, not me. I think they'd have at least 4 out of 6 and they are a work in progress because we know it's not as good as it can get while they live apart with crazy schedules.

I'm looking forward to seeing how long this current setup will last. Lion is in medical school, so his schedule can theoretically change every two months or so as he switches rotations. Rudy is a working grad student, so her schedule is a little more set in stone for this semester.

Noni & Eric

I figure it's about time to tell the story of Noni & Eric. So, I know Noni from college. We met because she started dating a guy who was currently dating a good friend of mine. It's actually a friend I've mentioned before because she was the one who went after Adam before I got him. But anyway, now she was supposedly with this other guy, but then he started seeing Noni too. All hell broke loose. I was hanging out with this guy's roommate and so I was around them a lot. I sort of became her friend by accident. We got very very close quite quickly, and stayed good friends after our respective relationships fell through with those roommates.

We were roommates ourselves the next school year. We've stayed pretty close, though not as close in the years since we both left college. But the story of her and Eric is quite interesting. They met shortly after she returned home from college.

He was fresh out a relationship with the mother of his son. The little boy was literally like 4 months old. He had been with this chick for like years. But he felt they had grown apart from the wonderful-ness of their teenage relationship. This was back in 2007. So he and Noni started going out and things were good between them.

Eric was glad to be with a woman who wasn't so demanding, and actually liked taking care of him. I don't mean financially, I mean in other ways. Noni is a cooking, cleaning, ironing kind of girl. She likes to make sure her man is taken care of. His last chick wasn't like that. And Noni, Eric was the kind of person with whom she could be herself, no apologies. She wasn't in fear of his negative reactions to what she might say. She wasn't worried that he was out cheating on her. It started out as something very healthy and cathartic almost for the two of them.

Things never stay rosy forever though. Eric's ex was a constant interruption. He is a very active father, so Noni was around his son a lot. The mother didn't like that, but got over it fairly quickly when she started dating someone else who was around the boy, so she couldn't really raise that fuss. She was close with Eric's mother, so she tried to turn her against Noni. There was an uncomfortable situation with the family for a while. Noni is very sensitive to things like that so that was a rough time for her. Some of Noni & Eric's first fights were over the ex and his family.

When they moved in together that made some things better and some things worse. Eric wanted to feel like he wasn't tied down all the time, so he spent more time away from Noni and out with his friends. She wasn't happy with that because he was counting hours that they were asleep towards time spent together. And of course, the economic downtown has been particularly hard on Florida, where they live. There's been battles about money, and finding a job, and what's done with the money that's earned.

And then Noni got pregnant. They were contemplating getting married before she got pregnant. They decided to wait when they started having problems. But now that they're pregnant, things have changed again. They have, at times, a very volatile relationship. When things are good, they're super good. But when communication breaks down or when they start having different priorities, it's really for them to get back on track again. Having a baby only adds to that pressure, so I'm a bit worried about them.

But for now, they seem back on track. The volatile nature of the relationship has subsided since they found out she was preggers. She's planning her baby shower, and they seem to be committed to making it work. I hope so, I know Eric doesn't want to be that guy, you kow the one. The guy who has fathered several babies by several women. He wants to make it work this time. I've got my fingers crossed.

I think of the 6/6 scale, they've got a 4-5 out of six. I know it's supposed to be a definite yes or no scale, but I'm actually not sure about one of their answers so that's why they get a range.

PT Update: I should have crises more often because PT has been checking up on me to see how I'm doing quite often in the last couple of days. After we discuss whatever is the present situation with me, we talk about him and what's going on with him. It's nice to feel like he's there for me and cares about what's going on with me. I'm really glad I decided to tell him.

Top Update: She is in the full swing of avoiding dating. There's a really nice guy at her job who she has already come up with many reasons why she could never date him. These reasons are not particularly legitimate. But at least she's following her heart and doing what she thinks is best for her right now. I can't be mad at that.

Bad Update: He's currently down in St. Louis with Jordan. The hotel he got for the night upgraded him to the honeymoon suite. I'm just gonna put up a picture of the bathtub I made him send me so you can see how romantic their evening is going to be! Yay for keeping the romance alive. Any woman dating a Libra male (when he's secure) is a lucky woman indeed.

Lion Update: He's with Rudy down in Florida for the annual party we always go to for his frat (I didn't go this year cause I was dealing with my own issues. I bet I don't miss next year!). They are having a good time and celebrating cause it's her birthday this weekend. Perhaps she'll get drunk enough to finally let him go to second base (don't even get me started on how slowly those two are moving, even though they have a good reason for it).

Bad Finally Found A Place For Him And Jordan, Sort Of

So, anyone who reads my blog knows about one of my best friends is Bad. I could practically make a TMI Thursday out of my explanation of how we became friends and why I'm glad he's with Jordan. But anyways...

They're looking forward to taking the next step in their relationship. They are discussing moving in together, as soon as her job duties are done in St. Louis and he finds a good place in Chicago. I can just see them now, picking out household decorations and choosing something that's not too masculine and not too feminine. I think she might be The One. That makes me so happy for him, but also a little fearful because I don't know if he is truly ready to settle down. But if he were able to make it work with anyone, it'd be Jordan. They're a perfect 6/6. You can read about 6/6 here.

So, he's found them a lovely place and he's waiting to hear back from the leasing company about the place. I'm not saying Bronzeville is super racist and they probably won't take him, I'm just saying their kinda prejudiced and might not take him. Let's all hope he gets the apartment and Jordan finishes her work in St. Louis. I really want them to start the next phase of their relationship. They've lived in different cities the entire time they've been serious, and I so want a different ending for them than Top and Punk had.

Update on Top & Jack: This is the last time I'll probably even mention Jack. One of the main things she was talking about today was how backed into a corner she felt with him compared to how free she feels now. I was like, well damn. I guess she's truly done with him.

Bad & Jordan

I figure now is a good time to explain Bad's love life since I've talked about Top. At a later date, I'll explain more about Noni, and also Lion. Bad, as I've mentioned is one of my best friends. I should explain how we became best friends first. We actually met when we like born. Our families know each other through business or political or government connections or something like that. His birthday is 4 days before mine. So we've known each other our whole lives technically. Except his family lived outside of Illinois for most of our childhood, so we didn't reconnect until college. His father and my mother thought it would be a good idea for us to date. Neither of us is opposed to going on a date setup by our parents because both of us have great parents with good taste who know us well. Either way, we went out and greatly enjoyed each other's company. Long story short, we didn't work out as a couple. We liked each other's company because we're basically the same person with different sex parts, lol. Neither of us is narcissistic enough to want to date someone who is exactly like us, so we took about six months as time away and then came back and quickly became the best of friends, which is where we should've started in the first place. If only to belabor my point, I call Bad when I want to know how I feel about something when I'm not so emotionally invested. He's able to tell me, and he's always right. I do that for him too (though less often, he is a dude).

Now, onto Bad and Jordan. Jordan is his girlfriend with whom he is completely in love. I'm so happy for them. He actually met her during college, shortly before he and I "dated." Around the time he and I were testing out our just-friends theory, he was finally extricating himself from his unfortunate ex, whom we'll call Natasha. She was a piece of work, a shining example why people shouldn't date outside their religion. Anyway, he decided he wanted another shot with Jordan. She had gone to Europe to study abroad after their last separation (that word does not describe their ending, I'll just leave that alone) and she had just gotten back. He pursued her and eventually she gave in because she loved him and wanted to believe he had changed and was no longer deathly afraid of monogamy and commitment. Well, lucky her, he meant it!! And I'd like to think I have a bit to do with it. They live in different cities (for now) and Bad likes to go out. I like being out with him because although of small stature, I can scare people off from feeling comfortable enough to approach. So when I'm with hanging out with Bad, women and men keep their distance. It works well, even on a certain chick from the past we'll just call Moe. We ran into her one time and I was glad to see she had learned to keep her distance from him. But even if I weren't there, Bad would be able to handle himself, he just wouldn't have the barrier that kept people from even bothering to approach.

Bad and Jordan are currently at the place where they are looking to move in together. May I just say that I do not know of any couples who have been married for more than 25 years who are still wanting to be married who didn't first shack up. It's the thing to do apparently. I'm all for it, I even helped him look for apartments one weekend while I was in town for a bachelorette party. He even told me he could see himself married to her. I've known this man for a while, and there's not much we wouldn't talk about. And we've discussed literally every important relationship is his life going back to like 7th grade. He's never said that about a woman before. Never. So, this could be the real deal. Because he loves her. And she's so good for him. She's a 6/6 on the yes scale.

And they work hard to make it work. In a normal month (one without emergencies or vacations), they see each other twice. He goes down to her and she comes up to him. They have even been on a couples vacation together. They're so cute too! They're children will be gorgeous. I try not to say that to him cause it kinda freaks him out. He's visualized up to marriage and he wants kids in the abstract, not specific yet, lol.

My Yes Scale: I ask three simple questions that have to have the answer of yes, not yes sometimes, but unequivocally yes. And it has to be a separate yes for each member of the relationship. 1) Are you happier being in this relationship that you were outside of it? 2) Does this relationship make you a better person? 3) Is the relationship healthy?
You'd be surprised how many people can't get a 6/6. If it's not 100% all the time, that's life. But if you're considering ending the relationship and it's not 6/6 and not even close to getting there, it might be time to leave.

Update on August: I haven't heard from him since I didn't reply to his text. I probably won't be mentioning him again until this time next year, lol. I promise to work on being a better person.

Update on PT: Nothing to report. Right now I'm just thinking how much nicer it would be to date someone with actual free time so that when I'm sick (like I've been the last couple of days), they could even notice and maybe bring me chicken soup.

Update on Top and Jack: He won't return her texts or calls. He seems to be overestimating the stability of their relationship. If he decides next week to call her, he probably won't get an answer. Once she decides to cut you off, you're done. Like for real done. I have my fingers crossed because I really like him for her.