Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Double Booking Just For Fun

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

Quick Recap [I just introduced Michelle into my blogs a couple weeks ago and wrote about her love life on this one last week. I spoke of how she is pretty much happily single, but does enjoy dating. I talked about this date she went on that was horrible, soooo horrible. And I also mentioned a guy Michael. He's this guy she met in school and the one guy who has the best chance of winning her heart, if only he'd consistently try to win her heart. He does this infuriating combo of wanting to spend time with her and then pulling back because he's spending too much time with her when really all the time spent was his idea! Very infuriating, right?] Read Michelle's posts.

 
Michelle heads back to start her school year in two days. That makes me happy when it comes to Michael because he will be in Chicago and will probably switch to I-miss-you mode and therefore appear generally more interested in her. They're supposed to be going out at some point today because this will really be her last opportunity to see him before she's gone until either her birthday (Libra!!) or maybe just Labor Day.
 
But here's the twist. There is this other guy, who I'll call Date B, who also wants to see Michelle today. He knows she's about to head back to school, so he texted her last night (while we were having a girl's night at a great bar downtown) to request to spend time with her today. Michelle didn't immediately say no. She is supposed to share today between her cousins (Thing 1 and Thing 2), Michael, and finishing packing. Yet somehow, Date B is now going to be worked into the equation? I can't wait to find out how that ends.
 
So, Date B is this guy Michelle met through her Thing 1 and Thing 2. She spends a lot of time with her twin cousins because they are the same age and they all went to college together; the twins graduated last year. Date B is a friend of a "boo" of one Thing 1 (yes, I've assigned a specific twin at Thing 1 or Thing 2 AKA Chocolate Thunda). Michelle met him and immediately liked him for one reason alone: his looks. I completely understand this. We all have that one person we can remember being sooo into, but acknowledging it wasn't based on anything but their God-given beauty. She and this guy don't have any sort of deep connection, but she likes spending time with him. I like being around pretty things too, that's why I like parks with lots of flowers and museums. Anyone can agree a date that will go no higher than a 7 or 8 on a 10-point scale, will always be made better by having your date be an exceptional piece of eye candy.
 
I'll let you know next week if she managed to squeeze all three obligations into her day, or if she ended up blowing off Michael for Date B (she did jokingly say that was an option).

Big Bad Thursday: Settling In Chicago Is Becoming A More Solid Reality

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and was supposed to be a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. He finally realized that a wonderful woman he already had in his life was worth giving up bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together.***

Quick Recap: Last time I actually had time to post on a Thursday, I was talking about Bad nesting in his new apartment and Jordan waiting to hear from grad schools. They had basically decided that wherever she went for grad school, he would try and go to grad school in the same place.

So, the school in Chicago that caught Jordan's eye has accepted her! There's an interview for the specific program she wants. I believe that is next week. She'll be here this weekend. She was here a couple of weeks ago for a tour of the campus and the three of us went out for drinks. I was so glad to hear that it seemed pretty definite that she would be here.

Bad sees the interview as a mere formality. What emphasizes this even more is the fact that he put in his application for grad school too! In about a month and a half, these two should know for sure that they're starting grad school in the fall. As excited as I am, they are super excited too. I can't wait to help Jordan move up to Chicago.

What's even better is Bad hasn't had a real freak out moment in a while. Every so often, he's all like, "oh man, what am I doing? I'm letting go of my bachelorhood!?" Then I imagine him running around in a circle like a distraught cartoon character. I'm just kidding, it's never that bad. It's just amusing to see him succumbing to his love for this woman and to see him accepting this new life he's making for himself.

Depending on how long Sonny & Cher stay engaged, Bad may beat them down the aisle, lol. Probably not.

Focus on Me Friday: Memorial Day Memories

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

For Memorial Day, my mother asked me to invite PT to our house for our bbq. He has his daughter with him every weekend, so he brought her too. I was a bit nervous about my parents meeting PT for only the second time and his daughter for the first time. But I went with it.

They arrived and his daughter was in a bad mood. She kept trying to leave our house and was fussing about her toys. My mother gave me a look that expressed a great displeasure. But after a while, his daughter calmed down and was even enjoyable. By the time they left, she had my mother opening boxes of collector's edition Barbie dolls, she had me giving her my entire stash of grapes (we both love grapes, but she doesn't have sharing down just yet), and she was getting away with climbing the furniture.

PT also met three of my friends for the first time, including Bad. I figured and hoped they would get along great and they did. Bad is a pretty rough judge of the guys I've dated, but he really liked PT. In fact, everyone did. I can't even joke about finding a better guy than PT and cutting him loose without my girls who were at the bbq chastising me.

PT had to leave at one point to take his daughter back to her mother's house, but he returned to my parents' house to hang out some more. I finally got my wish of having a four person band playing Rock Band 2. We actually had a lot of fun. It relieved one of my worries about the age difference between PT and I. He can get along with my friends without feeling old or making them feel young.

I have a friend who nicknamed him granddad even though her husband is only one year younger than PT. And Bad and I have hung out with her and her husband and they make us feel like they're old. Don't get me wrong, I love her and her husband, but I really hope at one point in the future PT and I can hang out with them so it can be illustrated that my guy may be older than hers, but he's much younger at heart.

So far, things with PT are going pretty good. Everyone loves him. If only he wasn't so busy all the time, I might actually sit back and enjoy how wonderful he seems to be.

Focus on Me Friday: The Baseball Game Was Such A Success

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

So, Sunday was such a success. I've been dying to blog about it, but I decided to wait until it was my day on this blog so I'd actually have something to blog about.

PT was late getting to the stadium on Sunday. I thought that might annoy my mother, but luckily it didn't. My father got us not only great game tickets, but passes to the Stadium Club as well. I'm not sure how that translates to other stadiums, but if you've ever had pleasure, you know how nice it is.

The best part about it was PT got to sit and dine with my parents and I and talk without the baseball game interrupting the conversation. They seemed to get along pretty well. He and my father have a very compatible sense of humor and he's very respectful. My parents were both smiling a lot. And the only one of his tattoos that showed was the Alpha Sphinx, so they couldn't be mad at that. My father is an Alpha too.

At the game, PT and my father begin tag teaming and heckling the other team, which was the Florida Marlins. I didn't know whether to fall over laughing because everything they said was so funny or feel embarrassed because everything they said was so loud. Normally it wouldn't matter, but we were soooo close. Literally, they would heckle the guy and he could hear every word. When he turned around, I was like, "oh he has beautiful gray eyes with specks of green in them." Seriously, we were close.

PT starts picking on the one guy who's kind of small compared to the rest of the Florida Marlins. This guy, Cody Ross, also happens to have a great sense of humor. And every time PT said something that made him laugh aloud, he'd go and hit a home run. This Ross guy doubled his home runs so far for the season in this game. By the third inning we were down 7 runs, so PT switched from heckling to begging them to stop doing well.

At one point, he suggested the Marlins take the Sox pitcher out to dinner as thanks for the game. He suggested Morton's. At this point, everyone around us was turning to see who had a comment every five seconds. My nervousness quickly faded when it was apparent they were all laughing. Then a foul ball was hit our way while Ross was waiting to go up to bat. PT called out to him to throw him the ball and he did! PT was sooo excited, like a little kid. Then he turns and there's this little cute blond kid with an over sized jersey on looking up at him like that cat off of Shrek 2. Clearly, he wanted PT to give him the ball. He looks down at the little kid and says, "I'm sorry."

We were all amused and/or appalled. Then PT explained that he'd been going to games since he was that kid's age and this was his first ball, and he would try and get the next one for the kid. Luckily, right then another foul ball came our way and the little kid got it. It was crazy, but also funny. I can excuse such behavior cause I know how PT is about his sports and he's the kind of guy who would pull to the side of the road to help a stranger who had just been in a car accident (I was on the phone with him when he did it before).

By the ninth inning, he had everyone loving Ross. He was talking about putting him on his fantasy baseball team, yelling "you're my boy, Blue!", and having people cheer Ross' double even though it was against the Sox. I told him he was such a turncoat and he was turning our whole section into traitors.

Then the Marlins coach took Ross out to let another guy bat. After all, it was the 9th inning and they were up 13-0. Next thing I know, I was boo-ing very loudly, along with the entire section we were sitting in! Apparently, I'm also a turncoat, lol. But we were upset they took Ross out. It was so hilarious.

PT had all of us wait at the end of the game so he could get Ross to sign his ball and take a picture with him. His smile is so big in the picture, he looks like a little kid.

I know this is Focus on Me Friday, not Focus on PT Friday. But this was such an amazing story. My parents have met many guys of mine over the years, but never had it gone so well. My mother talked the whole way home about how funny, fun, and nice PT was. At the game, my dad even high fived him at one point. I never knew it was possible for them to enjoy someone they knew I was dating that much. So, for me, it was such an amazing time and now the bar has been set really high. If things don't work out with PT, I may never introduce them to someone else until I have a ring on, lol.

Sonny's Sunday: An Introduction

I've decided to round out my seven day a week posts with a 7th person. How will I ever keep this straight you ask?? Well instead of being haphazard about it, each person gets a day. That's why I changed the blog's name. Now only 1/7th of the blog is my love life. It's more a medley because it's the love lives of my close friends too.

Quick back story: I met this friend who I'll call Sonny on this blog back in 1994. We got along pretty good and so I was pleased when he ended up at the next two schools I attended. We haven't always kept in constant touch over the years, but when we did catch up, it was like no time had passed and we were still as close. His advice was probably the one that meant the most to me when I was dealing with breaking up with the Ex. And let me just say, his current woman, who I'll of course call Cher. I know what you're thinking: CeCe is being incredibly creative with these two names. But if you met them, you'd get it. They're not exactly about to go on tour with music, but they do look so cute together, you wouldn't be surprised if they burst into song singing, "I got you babe."

Either way, what makes Sonny and Cher interesting blog material is they provide something none of my friends have so far. They just bought a house. I spent about 5 hours there tonight catching up with them. They are so funny and so sweet. They're settling into co-habitation and all that brings.

For instance, since moving in, they haven't spent much time apart from each other. Most healthy couples need some time apart to miss each other and continue that drive to want to be around each other. Sonny mentioned that they don't have a lot of apart time, but like the loyal boyfriend he is, didn't even mention that it might be an issue.

So, I'm looking forward to seeing their adventures in the coming weeks/months. And to thinly veil what I'm dying to talk about: I'm going shopping with Sonny next week for something he wants to take on the cruise he and Cher are going on at the end of the month. Any guesses for what he's going to buy?

Why I'm Afraid To Be Out In Public With PT's Daughter

To fully understand this, you must get two stories. 1) The first time I met PT's daughter. 2) How she might end up at the baseball game with us.

1) The first time I met PT's daughter was when I spent the night at his house but was out with friends and so I didn't get to his place until she was asleep. I planned on leaving before she woke up because we hadn't discussed me spending time with the daughter, but she woke up early. She called for PT and he went and got her and then brought her into his bedroom.

She quickly climbed into my lap, started playing with my hair, and called me Mommy. You read that right. A three year old I'd never met called me Mommy. All kinds of questions started going through my head. 1. Does she call everybody mommy? 2. What kind of three year old doesn't know her mother when she sees (or doesn't see) her? 3. Has the mother been in this bed he didn't buy until after the divorce in the house he didn't move into until after we started dating?? 4. Why has time passed and neither he nor I have actually acknowledged that she is calling me Mommy? 5. Should I tell her I'm not her mom? 6. What will her reaction be?

What did I choose to do? I just sat there watching cartoons with her and then took her to the potty and to get some chocolate milk. And then when PT distracted her, I left. It was the strangest situation ever! And after PT telling me later that no I am not his ex-wife's doppelganger, and that the daughter does indeed call women Mommy (still WTF, she's 3!), and no mommy hasn't been in his bed, I decided to just let it go. Since then, I haven't spent a ton of time around his daughter and so I'm a bit nervous that she could call me Mommy in front of my grandkids-thirsty parents and open up a can of worms I'm not yet ready to deal with.

2) I figured it would be my parents, this couple who are close family friends, and then PT and I using the six tickets for the game. My parents have assumed his daughter will be joining us and have already mentally uninvited said family friends (who've been pussy footing about confirming because the game is on a Sunday). I cannot believe that my parents want to use and expensive front row ticket and club pass on a three year old. Don't get me wrong, I would. But I've already bought his daughter DVDs, dolls, and other assorted toys. I'm invested in him and invested in his daughter. My parents don't know either of them. And they like kids a lot, but I've never seen them volunteer to bring a small person out to a ball game before.

Either way, I'm going to hold off on asking PT to bring his daughter to the game until we know for sure that our family friends aren't going to join us. I'd hate to invite her and then have to uninvite her.

PT May Finally Meet My Family

In an effort to yet further avoid explaining how the Ex is like Berger, I'm going to write about PT. If you watched SATC, you know how much Berger sucked for Carrie. And besides, talking about PT, who is still (for the most part) full of potential will make me happy as I try and avoid thinking about my post on my regular blog.

I've been encourage by some folks who read this blog to stick with making my own rules, especially when it comes to PT. On furthe review, it seems I have been doing that, but could do more. The perfect example of this is that PT hasn't met my family yet. Usually, when I begin dating a guy, the first thing I do is have him meet my family. But I've wanted to keep PT all to myself. If I'm honest, I know part of it is because he's not my parents' perfect idea of the type of guy I should be with. He's older, divorced, has a child, etc. But I think it was more about wanting to get to know him. He's the first guy I've dated in a looooong time who I hadn't known for literally years before we started dating.

So how do I choose to finally let them meet? A nice at home dinner? Nope. A dinner out? Nope. Maybe an event somewhere that still allows for that type of environment? Nope. We're going to a baseball game. My family occasionally goes to baseball games. We're sports people and we like hanging out together. PT occasionally goes to baseball games. He likes sports and he likes going places and doing things. Today my parents were bringing up how they still haven't met PT and are wondering about that at the same time they were bringing up the fact that my dad still hasn't found six people to go to this baseball game he got front row tickets and club passes for. So, when I asked if they wanted me to invite PT, they were like, "oh sure, well, you know, we don't mind. I mean if you want to it's totally fine with us. I mean, yeah, why not?" Real subtle folks.

So I picked up my phone to call him, saw that I had missed a call from him (stupid phone on silent!), called him back and of course got the voice mail. I have a very loving, committed relationship with PT's voicemail. So I sent a text with the info and he was all for it, but not sure that he's free since it is a few weeks away. When I speak to him, I need to stress how expensive the tickets are and how judgemental my parents can be which are both good reasons to not cancel on us if he accepts.

Should be interesting. But there are more reasons why it's interesting, which I will drag out into another blog post tomorrow to yet again avoid discussing the Ex!

If Only I Could Be As Understanding As I Try To Appear...

...then maybe I wouldn't be stressing about today. PT has work, then he's going to look for places (he's moving again). And then after that, we're supposed to go out. I have this fear that something will come up and he wil cancel on me and I'll feel like a fool for staying in Chicago for another day. And I feel bad for those who read my blog because now you're subject to these worries as well. Sorry.

I'll update this post later if when we go out. I need to re-read my previous posts so I can remember that feeling of not wanting to put all my eggs in one basket. Should that feeling really be taken back just because we had one good evening together? My logic says no. But the rest of me...

UPDATE: We actually did go out and had a very nice time. I didn't even get back to my parents house until about two hours ago. I will write today's post about it.

I Think I'm A Romantic Pushover

I called PT while I was driving from my grandmother's house back to my parents house. I was headed there to pack up my things to head back to Rockford. After not seeing PT at all the entire time I was in Chicago, I figured I could at least call one last time to tell him I was leaving. And also possibly, "You suck" and "I'm not doing this anymore".

He actually answered the phone, which surprised me. I didn't expect it. He's just always so busy, I was prepared to get a text sometime after I got back to Rockford saying how he was sad he missed me while in town and he'd try and see me next time. But he answers, "Hey baby! How are you! It's so loud in here, can you hear me?" He was at a Cinco de Mayo celebration with his co-workers and had just gotten a replacement phone. The man goes through a lot of cell phones. Occupational hazard of constantly being around a three year old I guess.

So he proceeds to convince me to come see him before I head back to Rockford. I agree because after all, I really do want to see him. On my drive to his house (once he left the celebration), I was going over in my head how I would explain to him that we/us/whatever describes PT and me wasn't working for me and we had to change the current situation in one way or another. But I get to his house and I say nothing except, "how was your day?"

I was upset with my constant need to be this understanding person who never asks more from a person than they can give. I do understand that he's sooo busy, but that doesn't change how much it sucks for me. I figured that after we settled into watching the Spurs-Suns game and caught up on enjoying each other's company then I'd bring it up. I was berating myself for being such a punk.

Then PT suggested we hang out tomorrow. He asked me to stay another day before going back to Rockford. He suggested we go out to dinner. He said he felt like since Christmas we were always rushed when spending time together because there was always something going on or coming up soon that required one of our attention (mostly him). He said he felt bad because he knew it was mostly his fault and I deserved better. He said he appreciated how understanding I've been and noted that most women wouldn't do so and how much it meant to him that I wasn't trying to guilt trip him about things. He said that he knew he was going to stay a busy person but he would do a better job of making the most of the free time he did have.

I sat there just in a daze. It was very much like a movie where the guy says everything you want to hear. I was smiling so big in spite of myself. There was a part of me that still remembered how frustrated I've been the last couple of months weeks. But how could I stay mad in the face of that full blown apology/responsibility acceptance? I know things won't magically be better tomorrow, but this will be the first time we've seen each other two days in a row.

I did notice something else that has me worried. Ever since the ordeal with the Ex, I've been purposely taking things slow emotionally. Not in terms of letting myself like a person, but letting myself have that feeling of intimacy and passion towards a person that just makes you want to be in their space breathing in their scent (I don't know if that makes sense). But when PT hugged and kissed me before I left his house tonight, for the first time I actually tried to let go and just enjoy the feel of being in his arms without overthinking it. I was feeling that feeling of being into someone without self-control holding parts back for about three seconds before I freaked out and pulled back. Apparently the ordeal with the Ex affected me more than I thought. I'm kind of terrified of letting myself have that interaction with someone again, even someone as great as PT. I just hope that's more about my uncertainty of my future with PT than a generalized anxiety and woundedness. Cause having that kind of emotional baggage would really suck.

PT Wants Me To Talk About My Feelings

Last night, when I was still upset that my father called me a dropout (there's a small rant about that in today's post on my other blog), I texted PT to tell him. My text basically said

My dad just called me a dropout. That just happened.

I didn't actually expect a response. He's always so busy, and Friday evenings is when he goes to pick up his daughter for the weekend. I figured he'd get back to me sometime Sunday afternoon. But he responded almost immediately, telling me that my dad is hurting. I responded back asking if that was supposed to be some sort of justification. He responded that it wasn't a justification, just a possible explanation. I can understand that. That's something I appreciate about PT, which is why I told him what happened.

But then he asked if I needed face time to discuss further what happened. Then I really wondered what I had done to give him the impression that I needed a more in depth emotional discussion. When I get emotional about things, it's cause I've just seen an awesome pair of shoes or it's the big ending to a rom-com, lol. I don't do emotional heart to hearts about hurt feelings!

And, I was partly irritated at PT because he's so busy. We were supposed to go out Thursday, but a late work dinner meeting thing ran super long. Then on Friday morning, he asked was I free Sunday evening. I hate the idea of being in the same city for a weekend and not seeing the person I'm seeing. What the fuck is that about? And I can't do Sunday evening, I need to be well-rested for the job fair on Monday. That's my first foray into the workin world and I need it to go well. What we should do is dinner Monday night, but he'll probably be too busy to do that, so I didn't even bother to suggest it. All of this led me to a conclusion:

Listening to my heart sucks! I like PT, a lot, so I felt justified in listening to my heart. I'm not pushing for some serious exclusive relationship hurtling towards marriage at a fast pace. I just don't want to feel like last on his list. I've been in that situation before and I have no desire to repeat it. So, I am planning on ignoring the part of me that wants only him and force myself to be more available to advances from new people. If I actually give someone an actual chance, maybe I'll find someone who wants what I want, and is able to do/be that now. This doesn't mean I'm walking away from PT, it just means that I'm no longer putting all my eggs in one basket. If he gets it together before I find someone else worthwhile, great. If not, oh well for him. He can just move on to unavoidably neglecting someone else.

Update on Top: so she's still in the full swing of not dating, but she's been talking on the phone to this guy that went to college with us. He's in a different state doing grad school. He's been telling her about how he was interested in her in college and stuff like that. She seems interested, but is keeping him at a distance because he's a southern boy and has already admitted to being the marrying type, and we all know Top is anti-marriage right now.

Bad Gets Real About Moving In With Jordan & PT Is Too Busy To Be Spontaneous

I told the story of how Bad and I ended up hanging out last night on my other blog.While we were there, he started talking about moving in with Jordan. I'm still not sure exactly how much time it will be before she's officially through with her job in St. Louis. I don't remember if I've explained before. But she's basically doing research on decorating and construction trends from some time in history in Illinois. They have her driving all over Illinois to do this research. She's getting paid basically for the preliminary work for whatever this job will be doing. And once she's done with that, the next step is to move to Chicago and find a job.

Bad is still waiting to hear about the apartment. They haven't said definitely yes, but they've had him going through some extra hoops to take care of paperwork, etc. So he's thinking it's just a number of days at this point before he hears for sure that he's got it. Then it's time to move in. Then it's just a number of days until Jordan moves in too.

We were sitting there, enjoying a nice bottle of Orvieto and a nice platter of fruits & frommage. Then he said, "I'm really doing this? Am I really doing this?" I've heard him question decisions before. He didn't sound terrified like he did when considering whether to get back with Natasha. He just sounded mystified. My friend Bad is growing up. He's making a huge step forward and is having reasonable questions about it.

I was glad to see that they were reasonable questions, not doubts. He seems so sure about Jordan. They've discussed the logistics of how living together would work. I'm so glad to see they're planning on being a real couple that's not codependent but actually have separate lives. They're not really homebodies either, so they'll be out an about.

Part of me wonders how things are going to be once Jordan moves to Chicago. Things are bound to change, if only that Bad has less free time. I don't want to be a permanent third wheel, but Bad is my only really close friend who lives in the Chicago area. It will be an adjustment for Bad to be living with a woman he's not related to. It will be an adjustment for Jordan who will be moving so far away from her family, possibly permanently. But I think if anyone can do it, they can.

Now on to PT. I asked him when I was on my way to Chicago if he wanted to join Bad and I for a drink. He said he was working late, but not too late. But he figured he'd be tired and worn out since he spent his lunch at the hospital with a cousin who is having kidney trouble. I went with "understanding and amicable" and told him I understood, it was super last notice anyway, and I would pray for his cousin. But I thought about him on and off last night and wondered if he even had time in his life for spontaneity. It's not like he has his daughter on Tuesday nights. But there's always something with him. It just makes me wonder, but I'm mostly just filing away that worry for now. It's too soon to tell. I did feel better when he texted me today to tell me he was sorry he couldn't make it out and he hoped to see me the next time I came to the city. I guess it is what it is. But I can't help but feel a bit sad because this guy who I like so much and I are just at a standstill right now.

Trying To Hold Onto The Good Feelings

Well, the craziest thing happened to me last night. This woman called me to see if I'd like to make a donation to the Homeless Veterans of Illinois. The only problem was that she was calling me from Flagstaff, AZ. I was looking at the phone thinking this lady is trying to get me to give her my credit card info. She must be crazy.

She said they had to get the phone company to change their info so it doesn't show up as being from Arizona. I don't know if she knew how crazy that sounded. But all I wanted to do was call PT and tell him this crazy thing that had happened and how I felt sure I had just avoided identity theft. But then I remembered it was almost 9pm on a Sunday night.

On Sunday nights, PT is usually taking his daughter back to her mother's house. Then he works on his weekly report he had to do for his school. He has to do that every single week, even when school isn't in session. The point is, he's always busy that time of the weekend and I feel like I would just be a sucky person for interrupting an important time for him. I've spoken to him suring this time, but only when he calls me.

I'm having one of those moment where I wish I was romantically interested in someone who was more available to me. Perhaps things will be better when I move back to Chicago, but I don't want to think too far ahead and set myself up for disappointment. I'm just gonna try and hold onto the good feelings I have from PT being there for me this past weekend.

Update on Noni: she thinks that she and Eric may have broken up! I was so surprised to hear this, and I didn't get the full story because he came back to finish talking while she and I were on the phone. Hopefully she can explain the whole story. I keep thinking they can write all their current troubles off as difficulty dealing with the pregnancy. You shouldn't trust your judgement when you're full of bouncing hormones. I know that's so unfair to say, and I'll be denying it if/when I get pregnant. But I just had hope for them. I'm the eternal optimist when it comes to the relationships for my friends. I'll update when she gets back to me to tell me the story of what happened.

Advice From My Grandmother: Get PT To My House

Well, first thing I want to mention is that the link isn't at all what I have in mind when I have PT over to my house. But, I found it an intersting result when I Googled "romantic evening at home". But seriously? A lavendar heart-shaped wreath? LOL!

Moving on. PT is a man I've been seeing since we met on Halloween last year. We both have incredibly busy schedules. I'll explain in more detail at some point. But, I've asked him a couple of times to come visit me where I live, and he always has a (good) reason why he can't make that happen. I've been trying to be patient and not insecure or jump to conclusions, but it is getting more frustrating each time something comes up that is more pressing that working on our relationship.

Relationship is a word that may be a little strong for what we are. I like him a lot, but in the five months we've known each other, we haven't gotten very far. We've never spent more than four hours (awake) together. There is still so much I don't know about him. There is still so much he doesn't know about me. But, for reasons unknown to me, he is the man I'm emotionally investing in exclusively for now. We haven't discussed exclusivity, and I hope we don't any time soon, but I can't help my heart feeling what it feels. Believe my, I've tested my ability to want more than just him. It didn't go so well.

But, on to the part that includes my grandmother. She is a huge fan of PT. I mean, it's to the point of over-reaching. She's never met him, she's never even seen him. She only knows about him what I've told her. Don't get me wrong, I've told her a lot, that woman can ask questions for 2 hours straight and still come up with more. But she's is in PT's corner. And she thinks a key to taking our relationship to the next level involves him coming to visit me. Did I mention we live in different cities? Even a day trip would make a difference, so she's right in that aspect.

But I can't shake the feeling that my grandmother in inferring more than just show him I know how to keep house. I won't dwell on that point, but I find it amusing that my grandmother is helping me plot to win this man's heart. One of my best friends, we'll call her Top, would always advise against plotting. She's all about organic development of relationships. That works for her. This works for me. I'm not planning out every detail of every encounter, but I have in my mind the basic structure of what I would like to happen. It's super flexible, of course, but it makes me feel more in control of the situation and less emotional. I don't like being emotional even a little bit if I can help it, but that's a story for another time.

There is one problem with this plan I have in my head of how I'll make my time when PT comes to visit me go spectactularly: PT keeps being not able to come! He agreed that he would look at his schedule and see about coming up here this week while his students are on Spring Break. But then he called me today to say that his boss had some problem with some project that wasn't finished to his liking, and now he's taking the time to get it done.

We just had a talk, not even three days ago about how he regrets that his personal life always seems to come last to everything else. I told him that was definitely the way it was and it sucked, but I understood the demands on his time. It's true. The things he does are so meaningful to so many people, and I would never dream of asking him to do something different. But I can't help but feel neglected and fear that he will never ever find that balance. But here's hoping he gets his work done and gets his butt up here. I really don't wanna have that conversation with my grandmother and tell her he changed his plans yet again.