Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm Really Very Worried About The Similarities Between PT And The Ex

They have many things in common: They are both Virgos, they both give me the feeling that I can be completely honest with them, I have amazing physical chemistry with both men, neither of them seems to have a jealous bone in his body, and they both carry on ridiculously busy lives!

They have some wonderful things different as well. PT is not pursuing a rap career. PT is not subconsciously afraid of marriage. PT doesn't seem to want to fit me into a box of how he thinks I should be. PT doesn't make me feel bad about my shortcomings. PT doesn't make fun of things I shouldn't be sensitive about, but kinda am. The Ex was all those things.

But that main one: being sooooo busy, just keeps getting to me. I've mentioned it a couple times, in this blog and my main one. It's just that I'm visiting Chicago this weekend. I, of course, want to spend some time with PT. But he's always so busy with work and weekends are his time with his daughter. He said maybe we could go out Friday, but I don't want to do that because that means he would hold off getting his daughter until Saturday. I figured it would just be easier for me to come in the city on Thursday. But we'll see what happens.

I just hate feeling stressed about this. I hate that he's so busy, but I love what he's doing with his life. And I dread that as time approaches towards me moving back to the city, it'll become painfully aware that not much will change even with me being in the same city.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Top Is Never Going To Get Married

So, I mentioned in a previous post about how Top has decided to take a break and be single for while. She's focusing on her and that's good after the two disastrous break-ups she's had in the last year.

But now she's decided marriage isn't for her. She had a dream last night and she was about to get married, but decided she didn't want to do it. She and her mother then hopped in a car and drove to New Mexico. That's like runaway bride on steroids, lol. She never even saw the groom's face, she just knew she didn't want to be married.

After a dream like that, she's decided she's "unmarriageable". That's her word, not mine, lol. She even asked her father for the money he'd been saving for a wedding she might have one day. She said she'd use it to take a nice trip or maybe put a down payment on something. He, of course, said no. He's a super traditional Capricorn who can't accept that his only daughter may never marry.

She likened her situation to Carrie's in Sex and the City. The episode where her shoes were stolen at a friend's house and the friend didn't want to replace them because she felt it was too much money to spend on non-marriage and non-family things. Carrie felt she was being punished for not being married. That's how Top feels right now.

I'm mostly just amused by this new development in her (lack-of)-love life. And I think it's too soon to tell. If she's in love with someone who decides to propose to her and she still doesn't want to get married, then I'll believe this is a life-long decision.

Melody & Tweety

Melody is new to this blog. She's my little sister who's just started college (well, back in August is when she started). She has been seeing this guy for a couple weeks and tonight I finally got the whole story. I'll call him Tweety.

They met while she was at her friend's house for Easter dinner. He's a second cousin of her friend or something. They both ended up volunteering to do a praise dance for the friend's church for their church anniversary. I don't know how much you know about praise dancing (that's why I linked to the video), but it requires a bit of practice. And since they had to do the dance in two weeks, it meant suddenly spending a lot of time together.

The night after they did the dance, he tells her he's interested in her. She had been gauging her interest in him too, but she's never approach a guy. She told him she was interested and they started talking. They've been hanging out a lot and mixing friends and spending entire days together. It totally reminds me of my first college romance with Adam.

Tweety isn't really Melody's type of guy, but he pushes her out of his comfort zone. Now the conflict: they're at the same college now, but he's trying to leave. He's trying to get a band scholarship to another school that is states away. People who are 18 and 19 years old are ill-equipped to handle a long-distance relationship from Indiana to Mississippi. They just don't have the resources to regularly close the distance.

But good news. Tweety missed his audition because of car trouble. I don't want him to fail, but I don't want him to break Melody's heart. At least he's asking her to consider the possibility of a long-distance relationship. That means he's pretty serious and if he stays at their college, they'll have hope of having a real relationship. I'm so happy for her. This guy may be her first real adult romance without the overbearing presence of her father involved.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A Funny Mix-Up

I finally came out of my phone-avoiding funk, and I was talking to my mother tonight about many things. One of them was PT. She remembered that I told her he looked like LL Cool J. I did no such thing!

He doesn't look like LL Cool J. He does have a handsome face, a great body, a lovely smile, sexy lips, and a smooth swagger I can't get enough of, but he doesn't look like him. PT looks like a light-skinned version of his father (which bodes well for the future, his dad is good-looking ).

I laughed so hard and corrected my mother. She hasn't met PT yet and it would've been horrible if she went in with the assumption that PT looked like LL Cool J. My mother is known (mostly by my close friends and me) for being no holds barred when it comes to the looks of the guys I've brought home over the years.

While I believe she would find PT attractive, I don't think she would feel he looked like LL Cool J. Let's just say Crisis Averted!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Apparently I'm PT's "Baby"

Can I just first say that I'm writing my post today in the midst of baking a pie! I love pie and I haven't baked one since winter break. I have time to do things now like bake pies!!

A lot of people are familiar with the pet name Baby. People call their boyfriend/girlfiriend/husband/wife Baby, Babe, Bay, whatever they say, lots of folks use some derivative of it.

I like the moniker, even though I know some who loathe it. But I haven't been anyone's "Baby" since May of 2008. That's a very very long time for someone to be single. But gramted, I spent a lot of time in limbo with the Ex. And then there were the months spent with Gary, who I could never be with because he smokes. But, I've been all by lonesome officially for almost two years now. So, I am a bit out of use with the Babys and Honeys and Sweethearts.

PT called me last night while on his way home from a book signing. Can I just say that I love that he does things like that with his time? But we were talking and he was full of Babys and Cuties and Sweethearts. I felt like perhaps I should throw a few back, but I'm just so uncomfortable with saying those things. They don't feel right in my mouth. I usually reserve them for someone I'm actually with. And seeing as how I'm not actually with PT, it feels even weirder. But I love it when he calls me those names? Hypocritical? Maybe, I hope not though.

I've already bent over backwards to meet him halfway on the things he's asked for. For example, I'm not into PDA, but he is. So when we're out, PDA it is. And he's a cuddler, I'm not. But cuddle we do. He's a card-carrying hand holder, so I am too when I'm around him. I think that's huge (especially since he had probs with that with his ex). So, the pet names can stay at bay now. I do the cuddling and PDA cause he asked about it specifically, he hasn't mentioned pet names. If he ever does, I'm definitely going to direct it to a "so what are we?" conversation. Maybe. Lol.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Lion Sees An Expiration Date

I was talking to Lion yesterday and hearing all the lovely details of the party I missed in Florida last weekend. I wish I'd had more courage to make my big decision a few weeks ago. Then I wouldn't have missed that party. This is literally the first time I've missed this Champagne Sip since 2004. I'm telling you, there is nothing like being surrounded by people in Black Tie attire, all drinking directly from their own champagne bottles, swaying on a dance floor. Best! Party! Ever!

After Lion filled me on the lovely details, he told me some stuff about Rudy. Turns out since neither of them are big on birthdays, they didn't actually celebrate her birthday. I was perplexed by that, but that's just because I can't imagine ignoring my birthday. But I suppose that works for them.

Then Lion started talking about how he didn't know where their futures were going since they wanted such different things. She wants a family one day. He wants a vasectomy. She wants to live near her parents. He wants to live somewhere in the South (she's from Boston, or somewhere near there). That's just the beginning.

I was surprised because although he's said he doesn't really want a family, he's never gone so far as to talk about a vasectomy. But he sounded like he meant it. So I said, "well it sounds like you all have an expiration date for your relationship." He said, "I guess we do."

That sucks because they're so good for each other right now. I'm hoping he'll change his mind. How can he know he doesn't want a family? It just doesn't make sense. He loves kids, he likes the companionship that being in a relationship brings.

The good news is since they live in different states, there's no immediate pressure from her for him to change his mind. She's not walking around with the baby itch or ticking clock or whatever. But she'll get there. Most every woman gets there. I'm just hoping that when she does, he'll be willing to go there too.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Bad Gets Real About Moving In With Jordan & PT Is Too Busy To Be Spontaneous

I told the story of how Bad and I ended up hanging out last night on my other blog.While we were there, he started talking about moving in with Jordan. I'm still not sure exactly how much time it will be before she's officially through with her job in St. Louis. I don't remember if I've explained before. But she's basically doing research on decorating and construction trends from some time in history in Illinois. They have her driving all over Illinois to do this research. She's getting paid basically for the preliminary work for whatever this job will be doing. And once she's done with that, the next step is to move to Chicago and find a job.

Bad is still waiting to hear about the apartment. They haven't said definitely yes, but they've had him going through some extra hoops to take care of paperwork, etc. So he's thinking it's just a number of days at this point before he hears for sure that he's got it. Then it's time to move in. Then it's just a number of days until Jordan moves in too.

We were sitting there, enjoying a nice bottle of Orvieto and a nice platter of fruits & frommage. Then he said, "I'm really doing this? Am I really doing this?" I've heard him question decisions before. He didn't sound terrified like he did when considering whether to get back with Natasha. He just sounded mystified. My friend Bad is growing up. He's making a huge step forward and is having reasonable questions about it.

I was glad to see that they were reasonable questions, not doubts. He seems so sure about Jordan. They've discussed the logistics of how living together would work. I'm so glad to see they're planning on being a real couple that's not codependent but actually have separate lives. They're not really homebodies either, so they'll be out an about.

Part of me wonders how things are going to be once Jordan moves to Chicago. Things are bound to change, if only that Bad has less free time. I don't want to be a permanent third wheel, but Bad is my only really close friend who lives in the Chicago area. It will be an adjustment for Bad to be living with a woman he's not related to. It will be an adjustment for Jordan who will be moving so far away from her family, possibly permanently. But I think if anyone can do it, they can.

Now on to PT. I asked him when I was on my way to Chicago if he wanted to join Bad and I for a drink. He said he was working late, but not too late. But he figured he'd be tired and worn out since he spent his lunch at the hospital with a cousin who is having kidney trouble. I went with "understanding and amicable" and told him I understood, it was super last notice anyway, and I would pray for his cousin. But I thought about him on and off last night and wondered if he even had time in his life for spontaneity. It's not like he has his daughter on Tuesday nights. But there's always something with him. It just makes me wonder, but I'm mostly just filing away that worry for now. It's too soon to tell. I did feel better when he texted me today to tell me he was sorry he couldn't make it out and he hoped to see me the next time I came to the city. I guess it is what it is. But I can't help but feel a bit sad because this guy who I like so much and I are just at a standstill right now.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Trying To Hold Onto The Good Feelings

Well, the craziest thing happened to me last night. This woman called me to see if I'd like to make a donation to the Homeless Veterans of Illinois. The only problem was that she was calling me from Flagstaff, AZ. I was looking at the phone thinking this lady is trying to get me to give her my credit card info. She must be crazy.

She said they had to get the phone company to change their info so it doesn't show up as being from Arizona. I don't know if she knew how crazy that sounded. But all I wanted to do was call PT and tell him this crazy thing that had happened and how I felt sure I had just avoided identity theft. But then I remembered it was almost 9pm on a Sunday night.

On Sunday nights, PT is usually taking his daughter back to her mother's house. Then he works on his weekly report he had to do for his school. He has to do that every single week, even when school isn't in session. The point is, he's always busy that time of the weekend and I feel like I would just be a sucky person for interrupting an important time for him. I've spoken to him suring this time, but only when he calls me.

I'm having one of those moment where I wish I was romantically interested in someone who was more available to me. Perhaps things will be better when I move back to Chicago, but I don't want to think too far ahead and set myself up for disappointment. I'm just gonna try and hold onto the good feelings I have from PT being there for me this past weekend.

Update on Noni: she thinks that she and Eric may have broken up! I was so surprised to hear this, and I didn't get the full story because he came back to finish talking while she and I were on the phone. Hopefully she can explain the whole story. I keep thinking they can write all their current troubles off as difficulty dealing with the pregnancy. You shouldn't trust your judgement when you're full of bouncing hormones. I know that's so unfair to say, and I'll be denying it if/when I get pregnant. But I just had hope for them. I'm the eternal optimist when it comes to the relationships for my friends. I'll update when she gets back to me to tell me the story of what happened.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Lion & Rudy

I feel like I should tell the story of Lion & Rudy finally, especially since I keep referencing them in other blogs.

First, of course, I must tell how I know them. Well, I met Lion during orientation of college. He had the same major as me (or rather we switched our major to the same thing during orientation). Our scholarship advisor suggested we sign up for all the same classes, and we were like, sure whatever. We didn't really even like each other right off the bat, rather we just knew we were very different people. But we had a pretty good rapport and a friendship was born. I don't think either of us really considered us friends until halfway through college, but once we decided we were, we were like best friends. Lion and I have been through a lot together. He's in med school right now too. I'm so proud of him, he's good people.

Rudy, I met because I was trying to figure out who is this chick giving my boyfriend (who we'll call Light) a lap dance. Now I'm not talking about a stripper's lap dance, more of a we're-both-drunk-and-sitting-is-easier-than-standing-while-we're-dancing-at-this-party type thing. She and her sister had just transferred to our college. It was my junior year of college. I thought she was a nice enough girl, but I just couldn't really be a fan of hers seeing as how that's how we met. And by this point, I was so over defending my relationships against outsiders, so she really had no chance on the outset. Especially since after that, she ended up really good friends with Light. I tried to not be too jealous, but that didn't really get easy until Light and I broke up.

Rudy and Lion met because they joined a sorority and brother that are officially on the books brother and sister frat/sorority. They did a lot of community projects together and got to know each other. When she's not drinking, Rudy can be shy. And David is only outgoing sometimes, so they moved very slowly. They also have had very different experiences with physical relationships in their past, so they started off on a different page that way.

When Lion and I graduated from college, Rudy was still a student there. He decided it was best for them to stop being involved when he left because he's not cut out for a long-distance relationship. They weren't official or anything, but they still had that talk when he left. I thought he was being a punk and making a mistake because I liked her for him. I saw a different side of Rudy when she was involved with Lion. Aside from their lack of a physical relationship, they were good for each other.

Then, about 5-6 months ago, Lion decided he missed Rudy and wanted her. But he didn't just want what they had before, he wanted her to be his girlfriend. It took some convincing to get her on board (I was glad about that since she had the right to make him work to get her back), but then they were together. Since that time, she's been to St. Louis to meet his family. He's been to Boston to meet her family. They went to DC to have a couples hanging out weekend with Lion's other best friend and his girlfriend. They seem stronger than ever. And now they're together down in Florida celebrating her birthday weekend and going to some of the biggest parties thrown at our college that are happening this weekend.

I'm not saying I think she's the One. Well, actually I am saying that. She's as close to perfect for him that I think he's gonna get. She makes him happy. They're comfortable together and they just work. Considering Lion never had a serious girlfriend all through college, it's nice to see him with someone with whom he can really build a life. I'm just interested in what's going to happen when she finishes school. She'll be done before he is. I hope he asks her to move with him where ever he is. That would be awesome.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Noni & Eric

I figure it's about time to tell the story of Noni & Eric. So, I know Noni from college. We met because she started dating a guy who was currently dating a good friend of mine. It's actually a friend I've mentioned before because she was the one who went after Adam before I got him. But anyway, now she was supposedly with this other guy, but then he started seeing Noni too. All hell broke loose. I was hanging out with this guy's roommate and so I was around them a lot. I sort of became her friend by accident. We got very very close quite quickly, and stayed good friends after our respective relationships fell through with those roommates.

We were roommates ourselves the next school year. We've stayed pretty close, though not as close in the years since we both left college. But the story of her and Eric is quite interesting. They met shortly after she returned home from college.

He was fresh out a relationship with the mother of his son. The little boy was literally like 4 months old. He had been with this chick for like years. But he felt they had grown apart from the wonderful-ness of their teenage relationship. This was back in 2007. So he and Noni started going out and things were good between them.

Eric was glad to be with a woman who wasn't so demanding, and actually liked taking care of him. I don't mean financially, I mean in other ways. Noni is a cooking, cleaning, ironing kind of girl. She likes to make sure her man is taken care of. His last chick wasn't like that. And Noni, Eric was the kind of person with whom she could be herself, no apologies. She wasn't in fear of his negative reactions to what she might say. She wasn't worried that he was out cheating on her. It started out as something very healthy and cathartic almost for the two of them.

Things never stay rosy forever though. Eric's ex was a constant interruption. He is a very active father, so Noni was around his son a lot. The mother didn't like that, but got over it fairly quickly when she started dating someone else who was around the boy, so she couldn't really raise that fuss. She was close with Eric's mother, so she tried to turn her against Noni. There was an uncomfortable situation with the family for a while. Noni is very sensitive to things like that so that was a rough time for her. Some of Noni & Eric's first fights were over the ex and his family.

When they moved in together that made some things better and some things worse. Eric wanted to feel like he wasn't tied down all the time, so he spent more time away from Noni and out with his friends. She wasn't happy with that because he was counting hours that they were asleep towards time spent together. And of course, the economic downtown has been particularly hard on Florida, where they live. There's been battles about money, and finding a job, and what's done with the money that's earned.

And then Noni got pregnant. They were contemplating getting married before she got pregnant. They decided to wait when they started having problems. But now that they're pregnant, things have changed again. They have, at times, a very volatile relationship. When things are good, they're super good. But when communication breaks down or when they start having different priorities, it's really for them to get back on track again. Having a baby only adds to that pressure, so I'm a bit worried about them.

But for now, they seem back on track. The volatile nature of the relationship has subsided since they found out she was preggers. She's planning her baby shower, and they seem to be committed to making it work. I hope so, I know Eric doesn't want to be that guy, you kow the one. The guy who has fathered several babies by several women. He wants to make it work this time. I've got my fingers crossed.

I think of the 6/6 scale, they've got a 4-5 out of six. I know it's supposed to be a definite yes or no scale, but I'm actually not sure about one of their answers so that's why they get a range.

PT Update: I should have crises more often because PT has been checking up on me to see how I'm doing quite often in the last couple of days. After we discuss whatever is the present situation with me, we talk about him and what's going on with him. It's nice to feel like he's there for me and cares about what's going on with me. I'm really glad I decided to tell him.

Top Update: She is in the full swing of avoiding dating. There's a really nice guy at her job who she has already come up with many reasons why she could never date him. These reasons are not particularly legitimate. But at least she's following her heart and doing what she thinks is best for her right now. I can't be mad at that.

Bad Update: He's currently down in St. Louis with Jordan. The hotel he got for the night upgraded him to the honeymoon suite. I'm just gonna put up a picture of the bathtub I made him send me so you can see how romantic their evening is going to be! Yay for keeping the romance alive. Any woman dating a Libra male (when he's secure) is a lucky woman indeed.

Lion Update: He's with Rudy down in Florida for the annual party we always go to for his frat (I didn't go this year cause I was dealing with my own issues. I bet I don't miss next year!). They are having a good time and celebrating cause it's her birthday this weekend. Perhaps she'll get drunk enough to finally let him go to second base (don't even get me started on how slowly those two are moving, even though they have a good reason for it).

Friday, April 16, 2010

Why I Can't Walk Away From PT

Everytime I think I'm ready to just give up because things aren't working out the way I'd like them to, PT does something amazing to change my mind. It's never really anything spectacular, it's mostly just him being who I want him to be for that time being. I wrote about him and his role in my friends and family getting news about a big life change I'm about to make in my main blog today. But then I remembered how I was so ready to just give up not too long ago. It's the Libra in me. When things aren't perfect, I have the urge to run. And then there's the stomach turning thought of expressing my discontent. I mean literally, considering it makes my stomach turn.

I almost told PT that I was over our current situation and I needed him to make it better. But I didn't get around to it when we spoke earlier this week because I wanted more to just catch up because it'd been so long since we got to chat. He could tell I had something on my mind, but one or both of our cell phones were breaking up so we just got off the phone. But when I spoke to him again about my upcoming changes, he was everything I needed him to be.

He was concerned for me and how this change was going to affect me. He has got 8 years on me, so he was able to share with me experience that helped me a lot to hear it. He didn't make it about him, he was just there for me. And when I decided I had enough of talking about this, he was ready with an interesting story about his job to tell me.

I was so grateful that he was there for me. I needed someone who didn't know me as well as my family and longtime friends who could offer me an opinion and support. I can't help that the type of person I am needs the support of someone I'm romantically inolved with.

One funny thing was him noting the serious note of the text I sent him asking to call when he got a chance. He first needed to be reassured that I wasn't pregnant. I cna't even imagine something like that. I don't know what I'd do if I were pregnant by someone I hadn't even known for six months. That's a horrifying thought actually. I take many many precautions to ensure I will not be pregnant until I'm good and ready. But it brought up an interesting point (which further lets me know that it's only been six months!) that I just don't know PT that well yet. That's why people date for a while. It takes time and life happenings to get to know each other. I took that opportunity to get to know his thoughts on abortion. I was about to make a joke that if I were pregnant, I wouldn't be in a very short time, but I didn't know his thoughts on abortion. I do know that the Ex took it very seriously and would've been appalled by such a joke.

But as things happen, like Noni's situation with Eric, we talk about it and it helps me get to know him. And the time we spend together also lets me know some things about him. And with most new things I learn, it just makes me more interested in him. Needless to say, I'm glad I've got this blog so PT doesn't have to bear witness to the back and forth in my head. He just gets to see the part of me that's somewhat-normal-acting and nice and funny and (hopefully) sexy and cool.

Some Random Things About PT: 1) He calls Sunny D orange juice like it's real orange juice. I feel some kinda way about that... 2) He loves his Wii as much as I love mine! We spent like ten minutes of conversation discussing our favorite new features of Wii Fit Plus. He's a dork like me! 3) We've both recently gotten into making our own smoothies. He even gave me an idea about using kiwi and yogurt.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why I'm So Antsy About PT's Busy Schedule

I figure it's about time I explain why I'm so eager to run for the hills every couple of days when I consider how little room there is for me in PT's life. It's because of the Ex. He trampled on me in a way I didn't know I had the capacity to let a man do after what I went through with Adam. A lot of it was about me compromising myself without him even requesting it specifically. He basically talked a lot about wanting stability and someone who was gonna be there for him no matter what. I wanted to be that person for him, but it was so impossible to be that person seeing as how he couldn't bring himself to be the person I needed. I held up my end of the bargain for a full three months while he didn't before I gave up.

My basic problem with the Ex was his lack of balance. I wasn't the only who felt that way. His parents, siblings, cousins, roommates and friends all felt the same way. The only people who weren't being neglected were those who had class with him or were also involved in music. The Ex is a musician, or a rapper to be more specific, or rather an emcee (to him there is a large difference between the two. Whatever). He is actually a musician too, I first met him in the music conservatory I attended from my pre-teens through the middle of high school. We reconnected the summer after I graduated from college. He was everything I'd always wanted in a relationship in the beginning.

1) I wanted a solid foundation of friendship. There was nothing I wouldn't talk to him about, nothing I was afraid to tell him. He felt that way about me too. 2) There was passion. There was just something about being in his personal space, my body was just on fire being around him. 3) There was fun and adventure, we were such different people with just enough in common to always have something interesting arise to experience. 4) We came from similar backgrounds so we tended to see the world the same way about most major life issues. 5) Our futures were headed in similar directions. He was gonna give me my Cosby Show future. I'd be an OB/GYN and he'd be a lawyer. 6) We could just be ourselves with each other, no judgement. Every quirk and bad habit was out there without apology.

Those things just made it the ideal relationship for me. We were doing good even though we lived in different cities. But then something changed. I still don't know what changed, but almost in an instant, I was no longer a priority for him anymore. The other things in his life, specifically school and music took up all he had to give. Everything else suffered. I'm the one who encouraged him to do what he had to do to graduate early, but I didn't expect to get left out in the cold while he did it.

We suddenly had a problem where one of my favorite things about him disappeared. Even though we lived in different cities, we alwas knew what the other was up to. We communicated in some way or another even when we couldn't sit on the phone a talk. But suddenly, two or three days would go past and I wouldn't hear from him at all. That closeness was gone. I felt like I had lost one of my best friends. I would've done a better job of adjusting if it weren't for the fact that he was always making excuses and promises that it would go back to the way it was. It never did.

And then he broke up with me! I told him I didn't know if I could trust him anymore and I had to think about whether I was still able to be with him. When I called him to tell him that I was on my way to Chicago to see him because I had decided he was worth the fight and we would just come up with a new normal. I never got to tell him that because he broke up with me first. I suddenly had all the wind taken out of my sails and I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He asked me if I had a response after I had him explain his train of thought for breaking up with me. I told him I had a lot to say, but I didn't want to share it with him anymore.

I needed a break from him, so I deleted his info from my phone and unfriended him on Facebook, MySpace, AIM, and Yahoo. We didn't speak for months. I finally hit him up on Facebook a few months later. I promised him before we even started dating that if we ever broke up, I'd make an exception to my rule and actually try and be his friend. That led, in about 3 more months time to him calling me up to say he'd made a mistake and he didn't want to close the door on us.

We agreed to see where it would go and got to know each other all over again. Fast forward 9 months later and we were back where we were before. He got, I don't know, complacent or something. We were in this horrific limbo where we couldn't seem to move forward. I told him there would come a point when I wouldn't be okay with just standing there waiting on him to make a move. He had to shit or get off the pot (that vulgar analogy is one of Bad's favorites, lol). The straw that broke my heart back finally came when he came to visit Chicago. By this time he had moved away to Arizona to start law school. He made plans for me for this trip. But for some reason, within a few days of this trip and the entire time he was supposed to have been in Chicago, I didn't hear from him. He didn't show up on Facebook or AIM, and he didn't answer any phone calls. I talked to his sister, she hadn't heard from him either, she wasn't even sure he was in Chicago. I couldn't take it anymore. He know how I felt about travel and not being able to reach a person after they were travelling (a story about Adam for another time), but he never even bothered. I couldn't take it anymore. About a week after he was supposed to be here and still nothing from him, I cut him off completely. I doubt it made much difference because it's not like he was trying to contact me anyway.

I still don't know what happened. But I kept his family. His cousin is one of my good girlfriends. All of his younger siblings still keep in touch with me. I've spent more time with his family in the last two years than he has in the last five years. I am the big sister they've never had. I refused to give up his family just because he was an asshole undeserving of my trust and support. His cousin asked me what happened once. I told her I didn't know, but for my own sense of self-preservation and pride, I was done. I hope she passed that message on. She said she asked him what happened and he gave her the same vague answer (without the comment about self-preservation).

I wish I could care less. For some reason, the memory of him and the potential we had won't go away. And it's not just because I'm still so involved in his family. It's because he got into my system in a way I didn't know was possible, and I can't get him out. At least I have the assurance that he won't show up one day asking for another chance; I likely don't have the ability to turn him down were that to happen. I decided last May that it was time for me to try and move on from him so I could be in the right frame of mind when another man came along who deserved a real shot.

Along comes PT, with a wonderful similarity to all the things I liked most about Adam and th Ex. But this man wasn't all potential. Because of his age, he had proven his potential had turned into success. Even though a part of me still misses Adam and still misses the Ex, but I want to move on with someone who is available to me. It seems to be heading in the direction that PT is not that guy. The last time I spoke to him for more than 10 minutes was over 2 weeks ago. I cannot go through this again. Especially with someone who I don't have a real foundation with. Before we even got a chance to develop a basis of a relationship, PT's life is poo-ing all over it. I still like him and I am still interested, but in the very near future, I'm gonna run out of patience and start the process all over again of trying to be availabe for someone who is worth my time. I'm just so sick of pressing re-set. Why can't men stay who they are when I first meet them? Or at least be truthful about developing a new normal when the situation changes.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bad Finally Found A Place For Him And Jordan, Sort Of

So, anyone who reads my blog knows about one of my best friends is Bad. I could practically make a TMI Thursday out of my explanation of how we became friends and why I'm glad he's with Jordan. But anyways...

They're looking forward to taking the next step in their relationship. They are discussing moving in together, as soon as her job duties are done in St. Louis and he finds a good place in Chicago. I can just see them now, picking out household decorations and choosing something that's not too masculine and not too feminine. I think she might be The One. That makes me so happy for him, but also a little fearful because I don't know if he is truly ready to settle down. But if he were able to make it work with anyone, it'd be Jordan. They're a perfect 6/6. You can read about 6/6 here.

So, he's found them a lovely place and he's waiting to hear back from the leasing company about the place. I'm not saying Bronzeville is super racist and they probably won't take him, I'm just saying their kinda prejudiced and might not take him. Let's all hope he gets the apartment and Jordan finishes her work in St. Louis. I really want them to start the next phase of their relationship. They've lived in different cities the entire time they've been serious, and I so want a different ending for them than Top and Punk had.

Update on Top & Jack: This is the last time I'll probably even mention Jack. One of the main things she was talking about today was how backed into a corner she felt with him compared to how free she feels now. I was like, well damn. I guess she's truly done with him.

Monday, April 12, 2010

I Think Top and Jack May Be Truly Done

I told her she hadn't really tried for more than a month to work out her Cancer/Libra issues with Jack. Top ended up talking to him again to try and work out their differences. Here's the problem with their crash & burn (don't know if I ever really spelled it out).

Jack decided he loved Top. This was a couple of weeks ago, probably not even a full month. May I remind that they met around the same time I met PT, which was around Halloween. But he somehow got slow-moving Top to be his girlfriend and he decided he loved her. She didn't yet feel that way about him (still doesn't). So when he said it, she didn't say it back.

That made him insecure. He started doing things to test her, but they weren't exactly subtle. And she hates hates hates tests and games. He would know that had he bothered to slow down and get to know her before jumping in heart first with his whole hearted adoration and infatuation. But he has so sweet to her and kind and affectionate. And he was his own man. He knew what he wanted and he was sure about who he was. That was a far cry from her ex, whom we'll call Punk. Punk didn't seem to have any idea who he was or how he really felt about anything. That was the main catalyst for his awful behavior and their relationship ending.

But back to Jack. I loved him for Aledia. He was my current favorite since all my closest friends have people (Noni/Eric, Bad/Jordan, Lion/Rudy, Top.Jack). They were all in exlcusive committed serious relationships. Now Top is back with me in the single column. But Jack was so good for her. She seemed to be happy dealing with him. Usually she seems kinda annoyed by men, a guy has to work extra hard to earn a place in her life. And he screwed it all up.

After he noticed she wasn't saying I love you back, he decided maybe he could find out through her actions not her words. So he would request these odd things of her that screamed "I'm testing you" which only pissed her off. She called him on it and he got defensive because he was upset that she didn't love him.

She told him they needed to back up and get to know each other better as friends. He took that to mean she wanted to back off of him and rebelled. She felt reminded of his earlier inconsistency and decided he didn't really love her otherwise he wouldn't act that way. Two more questionable decisions and misunderstandings of motives later and EPIC Crash & Burn. I think it may be best to just chalk this up to another Cancer/Libra death. It gets hard for Cancers and Libras to discuss things rationally when sex and emotions are involved. So why even bother. But Top has met a new guy at work. And he's so different from her type. I don't think she's ever dated inter-racially before. Should be interesting...

Except for one thing: She's not trying to date right now. She just wants to be alone. Take some salsa and yoga classes, to a 5K walk. She is planning on focusing on her and avoiding dating. She's got a strong resolve. So that should be interesting. I think her lack of dating should make for some interesting Love Life Stories. We'll see...

Update on PT: Well, I've decided I'm gonna try and not give up on him. He's such a good guy. I'm going to try and talk to him about my issues instead of deflecting and avoiding like a typical Libra. Wish me luck.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

More About PT & Why I Am Almost Done

I wrote about PT on my main blog tonight, so here's a link to that.

And everything time I think I've got my mind made up, something happens to change it. That's the problem with being a Libra, nothing is ever certain as long as I'm still living. So, I thought I was done hearing from August. But I finally decided to check my Facebook page and there he was, instant messaging me. I love that Facebook added that feature, it allows me to talk to people I wouldn't otherwise have time (or the convenient means) to talk to very often.

I also was able to catch up with some of the younger sibling of the Ex. He has seven younger siblings (very large family) and when we broke up, I refused to let go of his family. For once, a breakup didn't mean I had to lose a connection with a wonderful family. What can I say? I'm a family person, I like to know where the person I'm dating came from. And I'd like to think of myself as the big sister they never had (or at least won't have until one of the top four gets married). One of these days, I'll tell that story, which ends with the moral I should never date Virgos. PT is confirming that for me right now.

But back to August. He annoyed me so much the past weekend in Chicago that I was ready to throw in the towel. I've never had the desire to give him an honest shot and I just chalk that up to chemistry or whatever. I was ready to move on. But then he instant messages me on Facebook and reminds me why I like him. He's just easy to talk to. And he has this passion for me that is romantic and refreshing and flattering. And most importantly, has no creepy factor to it. We were just catching up and talking, and he was so sweet. We talked for hours. I had forgotten we had that ability to do so. The last time he made a big push for us was when the Ex had come back and we were doing our Toxic Limbo Thing. So I wasn't even in the mindset to hear it. That didn't end well and my memory forgot that he can be really emjoyable company. And it doesn't matter if it's through the internet, over the phone, or in person.

He said some really amazing things to me. He told me I was like the perfect martini mix. That sounds kinda cheesy, but in context is was amazing. It was like that scene in the movie Brown Sugar where Taye Diggs tells Sanaa Lathan that she was the perfect verse over a tight beat (or something like that). It was specific to us (we both love martinis and they are very integral to a great date we had back in 2008)and a metaphor that I understood but still got sweeter when he chose to explain it.

He did things I haven't done in so long. He complimented me. He shared things about himself that were unexpected and refreshing. He discussed current events with me. I'm all about current events, but I tend to shy away from discussing them because I always get disappointed with other peoples' lack of knowledge or opinion about anything and everything going on in the world today.

When August comes along and reminds me that a man exists that does and has all these things I want, it always confuses me. It makes me re-think what I've decided. I feel bad that I've never given him a real chance. I remember how easy it would be to be with someone like him.

But here's the problem. I just don't feel a passion for him. With me, passion doesn't always come on day one. With the Ex, it developed over a while (I couldn't remember this, but luckily I kept a diary during that time to remind of the facts of the situation.). It could be that way with August too. But it seems he'll never get top billing unless he were the last man on earth.

If PT were to call me right now, all would be forgiven and I'd be happy again as if he hadn't spent the last three months borderline neglecting me. August would never do that to me. He was raised to be a good Christian man and he turns 30 this year, so he's doing the biological clock itch thing. He wants to be married and start a life with someone. Someone like me he says. He's not set on me and me alone. He dates other people and tries to start things with them. It's just that nothing has woked out yet. I feel badly for August. It would be so easy for both of us if I would just cooperate. Why can't I make my heart want what I know would be good for it?

Update on Top & Jack: I think they may be truly done. Another Cancer-Libra pairing crashes and burns. A tiny part of me is still holding out hope though...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Bad & Jordan

I figure now is a good time to explain Bad's love life since I've talked about Top. At a later date, I'll explain more about Noni, and also Lion. Bad, as I've mentioned is one of my best friends. I should explain how we became best friends first. We actually met when we like born. Our families know each other through business or political or government connections or something like that. His birthday is 4 days before mine. So we've known each other our whole lives technically. Except his family lived outside of Illinois for most of our childhood, so we didn't reconnect until college. His father and my mother thought it would be a good idea for us to date. Neither of us is opposed to going on a date setup by our parents because both of us have great parents with good taste who know us well. Either way, we went out and greatly enjoyed each other's company. Long story short, we didn't work out as a couple. We liked each other's company because we're basically the same person with different sex parts, lol. Neither of us is narcissistic enough to want to date someone who is exactly like us, so we took about six months as time away and then came back and quickly became the best of friends, which is where we should've started in the first place. If only to belabor my point, I call Bad when I want to know how I feel about something when I'm not so emotionally invested. He's able to tell me, and he's always right. I do that for him too (though less often, he is a dude).

Now, onto Bad and Jordan. Jordan is his girlfriend with whom he is completely in love. I'm so happy for them. He actually met her during college, shortly before he and I "dated." Around the time he and I were testing out our just-friends theory, he was finally extricating himself from his unfortunate ex, whom we'll call Natasha. She was a piece of work, a shining example why people shouldn't date outside their religion. Anyway, he decided he wanted another shot with Jordan. She had gone to Europe to study abroad after their last separation (that word does not describe their ending, I'll just leave that alone) and she had just gotten back. He pursued her and eventually she gave in because she loved him and wanted to believe he had changed and was no longer deathly afraid of monogamy and commitment. Well, lucky her, he meant it!! And I'd like to think I have a bit to do with it. They live in different cities (for now) and Bad likes to go out. I like being out with him because although of small stature, I can scare people off from feeling comfortable enough to approach. So when I'm with hanging out with Bad, women and men keep their distance. It works well, even on a certain chick from the past we'll just call Moe. We ran into her one time and I was glad to see she had learned to keep her distance from him. But even if I weren't there, Bad would be able to handle himself, he just wouldn't have the barrier that kept people from even bothering to approach.

Bad and Jordan are currently at the place where they are looking to move in together. May I just say that I do not know of any couples who have been married for more than 25 years who are still wanting to be married who didn't first shack up. It's the thing to do apparently. I'm all for it, I even helped him look for apartments one weekend while I was in town for a bachelorette party. He even told me he could see himself married to her. I've known this man for a while, and there's not much we wouldn't talk about. And we've discussed literally every important relationship is his life going back to like 7th grade. He's never said that about a woman before. Never. So, this could be the real deal. Because he loves her. And she's so good for him. She's a 6/6 on the yes scale.

And they work hard to make it work. In a normal month (one without emergencies or vacations), they see each other twice. He goes down to her and she comes up to him. They have even been on a couples vacation together. They're so cute too! They're children will be gorgeous. I try not to say that to him cause it kinda freaks him out. He's visualized up to marriage and he wants kids in the abstract, not specific yet, lol.

My Yes Scale: I ask three simple questions that have to have the answer of yes, not yes sometimes, but unequivocally yes. And it has to be a separate yes for each member of the relationship. 1) Are you happier being in this relationship that you were outside of it? 2) Does this relationship make you a better person? 3) Is the relationship healthy?
You'd be surprised how many people can't get a 6/6. If it's not 100% all the time, that's life. But if you're considering ending the relationship and it's not 6/6 and not even close to getting there, it might be time to leave.

Update on August: I haven't heard from him since I didn't reply to his text. I probably won't be mentioning him again until this time next year, lol. I promise to work on being a better person.

Update on PT: Nothing to report. Right now I'm just thinking how much nicer it would be to date someone with actual free time so that when I'm sick (like I've been the last couple of days), they could even notice and maybe bring me chicken soup.

Update on Top and Jack: He won't return her texts or calls. He seems to be overestimating the stability of their relationship. If he decides next week to call her, he probably won't get an answer. Once she decides to cut you off, you're done. Like for real done. I have my fingers crossed because I really like him for her.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Top & Jack

So, Top is my best female friend. She has a boyfriend. We'll call him Jack. He is a Libra. She is a Cancer. That is like oil and water relationship-wise, but fireworks sex-wise. I am all too familiar with the Cancer-Libra toxicity. There are a number of Cancer men who I've been enthralled with when we were just hanging out as friends. But as soon as the talk turns to developing a relationship, things crash and burn on an epic level. I'm not exaggerating, it's seriously epic.

So, Jack and Top met at work. He pursued her. She told him she wasn't interested in getting into a relationship thing because she had just gotten out of a relationship that ended badly (very badly) and she wasn't interested in putting herself out there like that again any time soon. But they had amazing chemistry and he broke her down. They met right around the time I met PT, but they moved forward at a much faster pace, thanks to Jack.

He has done things like purchase her really expensive gifts, tell her he loves her, and spends the night as often as she'll let him. All this before she's even known him for five months. My girl Top is very independent and very careful with what she does with her heart. She is like that all the way through a relationship. Her last relationship lasted for almost 6 years. Jack hasn't even known her for half a year, so he doesn't get these things. His last relationship ended because he proposed and she said no. You'd think he'd be more careful with his heart, that's what Top thought. I tried to tell her, he's a Libra (like me), and he is going to do no such thing.

Libras like to be in love and in like and the quicker we can get there, the better. She truly doesn't get that. That is actually the crux of the problem with the Libra-Cancer relationship demise. We truly see relaionships very differently and often get too upset or lose concern, so the differences never get sorted out into a middle ground.

Top and Jack seem on their way to an epic crash and burn. That makes me sad because when she realized she really liked him she said she would do her best to break the Cancer-Libra curse. I was hoping she really meant it. I think she did at the time, but when things started to get tough, she lost her will to fight. In her defense, he really put his foot in it. He told her he loved her and then said he didn't want to rush her feelings. But then when she still hadn't said it back after a week, he proceeded to try to "test" her to see if he could elicit the feelings another way. This pissed her off because his tricks weren't exactly subtle and she called him on it, leading to a fight. I don't see how he could genuinely be upset that she doesn't love him yet. It hasn't even been 6 months! Even I'm not that crazy of a Libra, lol. But I do get how he hates the idea of being out there on that love limb by himself. But if he can deal with that and she can stop freaking out because he sees things a little differently than her, they may make it. I'll keep posting as things develop.

Me Update: PT and me are fine in case anyone reading yesterday's post thinks differently. We're just us, enjoying each other's company and seeing where it goes. August texted me today, I didn't respond. At some point, I'll need to figure out a better way of behaving towards him...

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Interesting Weekend

So, my time with PT wasn't particularly eventful. It can be read about on my main blog. I do however have an interesting story to tell that doesn't concern PT.

This weekend was a conference I go to. I didn't register for the conference this time as it was in Chicago. I did have a boatload of fun when the conference was in New York and also when it was in New Orleans. This man, we'll call him August, was part of that fun.

I know him from college. He's older than me but a few years behind me because he was in the Navy before starting college. He's on the medical track same as me, so he always goes to these conferences too. In New York, I ran into him when a conference event was cancelled. We hadn't seen each other since I graduated, so we decided to go on the date we never got around to having while in college together. I should digress here to say that while I find this guy interesting and attractive, that certain something isn't really there to make me want him. I don't know what it is, but he digs me. I wish I could say the same cause he's a great guy.

So we went out to a great restaurant in New York and had a good time. We didn't see each other again (a FAMU visit by me where I talked to him for like 10 minutes in the science building notwithstanding) until the next year in New Orleans. We had a lovely day where we hung out on Bourbon Street, had dinner at Morton's Steakhouse and went dancing with my friends who live in NOLA. It should have been the start of a beautiful relationship because he showed me very clearly that he was interested and could treat me very well. But the timing was weird (the Ex. He won't get a name, he's just the Ex.) and I tried to explain to him that I just didn't want that type of relationship with him.

Fast forward to this year. He's the one who got me the extra ticket to the banquet. I was going to take him to this Thai restaurant in town. I couldn't turn him down. The restaurant is BYOB and he had purchased us a bottle of Riesling, which is my absolute favorite!!! And after all, PT and I have never discussed exclusivity and I'm not going to go around assuming that we are more than we are.

I go to the banquet because he said we didn't have time to go to the Thai restaurant. I told him I couldn't be up late because I had church in the morning. He basically ignored me the entire banquet because he was organizing something for the Region or whatever. Then he was upset with me because I left the hotel after the banquet. The banquet didn't even end until after 10 pm!

So, we just keep doing this dance around this conference. Part of me likes hanging out with him, but I feel bad because I feel like I'm wasting his time. I don't think he's pining away from me and turning away other prospects, but I do think he's wasting a lot of time and money on me when we're not going to go anywhere. I wonder just how selfish I'm being. Did I mention that Lion thinks he's crazy and will eventually blow up because I'm "leading him on?"

And like every other thing I've done in the name of still being single, it only made me want PT more. Sigh.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Making Plans For This Weekend

PT is such a busy man. This week is his Spring Break, and his boss had a lot of work for him to do. Consequently, I haven't spoken to him much since he told me he wouldn't be able to make time to come see me. So what is my reaction? Am I avoiding him out of an underlying anger? Nope, I seem to have something other than an expected woman's reaction to him. I'm making plans for this weekend.

The new Tyler Perry movie comes out. I'm not exactly a huge fan of his movies (I know I'm betraying my race or whatever by saying this but it's how I honestly feel so get over it), but I do like some of them. I did like the first movie (after I saw it on cable about 20 times). But what I really like is sequels. After a movie ends, I find myself wondering for literally years how the story continues for the characters. So I'm all about the sequel.

PT says he is against "gay movies." I apologize to anyone who is homosexual and doesn't like the characterization of that phrase. It basically means that sappy, make-women-cry movies and romantic comedies in general are not on his list of priorities. But the way I see it, he owes me for not bringing his butt to Rockford this week. I will definitely not phrase it that way. I'm pretty sure he's taking tomorrow off and I intend to suggest going to see that movie as a way to spend part of our day if he asks.

My mother suggested we go out to dinner so my parents can meet him. She said no pressure. My mother hardly ever means no pressure when she says it. I'm sure she means to mean it, it just never feels that way. So, at some point in the future, I have got to set up what amounts to a double date between my parents and me & PT. I don't actually mind the idea. I love hanging out with my parents. And they make such a great date. So, it'll be like any other time I do dinner and movie with them except I'll have a date too. I've never done that before. The closest I've come is hanging out with them and Bad, and once or twice with Lion. But he's just like a double of me.

Literally, Bad is me with a penis. Everyone who knows us both agrees with that characterization. So, he's around a lot cause we both like kicking it with our parents. They're such fun. So both of our parents have got some good practice at spending time with their children and someone of the opposite sex.

But it would be so different with PT because he and I are dating. And there's the age difference. I literally cannot think of anyone in his age range (he's 33) that my parents spend time with. I can think of some people who turned 30 last year or this year, so I guess that's kind of close... Did I mention I tend to overthink things? Thank God for my friends and this blog so I don't have to share my neuroses with PT, lol.


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