Monday, August 23, 2010

Sonny's Sunday: How Do I Put This..? Trouble In Paradise

***Sonny is an old friend of mine. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. He's also my friend who's doing the super-adult thing. He and his new fiancee Cher just bought a house. They're working on planning a life together. Even with all that stability, their love life is still interesting.***

Quick Recap[The last time I wrote about Sonny, it was to tell the story of how he proposed and it ended with the two of them heading off on a romantic cruise. I was looking forward to having another adult couple as friends (in addition to Bad and Jordan) I could hang out with and pretend I was fully grown by living vicariously through their adult relationship.] Read Sonny's Posts.
The last time I saw Sonny and Cher was when they helped me move from Rockford back to Chicago. That was incredibly awesome of them to help, and it gave us a chance to catch up. Sonny told me that he had convinced Cher to have the wedding on a cruise. That will be totally exciting for them and I think it will really fit who they are as a couple.

But, he also told me something else. Cue dramatic soap opera music. She's been driving him pretty crazy with her insecurities about their relationship. He figured she's calm down a bit after he proposed. He reasoned that a sane person would feel more secure in a relationship in which you were literally planning the details of the wedding ceremony. But the opposite has happened with her.

Their fights have been pretty bad, but they're still together. I'm hoping they can find a way to work through it. I tried to explain to him that he knows his girl and he knows that she can be this way, and he just needs to talk her down from the crazy ledge so they can be happy. I didn't exactly phrase it that way, but that was the point I was making. I wish he had more time to spend with me without her. He really needs to be able to vent to someone who will listen without judging Cher. That's what most of his friends do. They hear how things are rough right now and question why the two of them are still together. I see this as more of a rough patch and I try to encourage him to find root of the problem. Cher tends to argue around a problem instead of tackling it head on.

I think it will turn out okay in the end. They are still planning the wedding. But I'm hoping it gets worked out soon because Sonny expressed to me a growing disappointment in the state of their relationship. I know long term relationships have ups and downs, it just sucks that this down is coming so soon after they just got engaged.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Settling Into Family Life

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap[When I last wrote about Noni, she had just had her baby boy a few week prior. It was a long pregnancy, but finally it came to an end. She was enjoying being a new mom, fighting the urge to spoil her baby. In terms of romance, she was losing her mind. She felt like the six week mark would never be reached *dramatic face*. Her and her fiance, Eric, were definitely looking forward to the return of something that was a normal part of their relationship.] Read Noni's Posts.

By now, the six week mark has come and gone. Noni and Eric are much happier people now. Wouldn't you be?

Noni is adjusting to life with a schedule. She naps with the baby sometimes, uses the other nap times to clean the house and to cook dinner when it gets close to the time for Eric to get home from work. I could be wrong, but I think this schedule will eventually drive her bonkers. I think this can be attributed mostly to the fact that she doesn't get a lot of variety or outdoors in the schedule. But as her son gets older, I'm sure this schedule can be altered occasionally.

Noni is a friend I speak to a lot about my guy situation. She's a good one to talk to because she never tries to fix the problem. She just lets me talk things out for myself. She's a great listener (actually all my friends are great listeners, it's her responses that make her a great candidate for discussing uncertainty about men with). While I was discussing the whole PT/Easy situation with her, she made a comment that she missed being single. Even though we were talking about my unhappiness in my current situation, that led to her missing having the easy option of walking away if things weren't working out.

She could walk away from Eric if things didn't go well (by the way, things are going well between them), but it's a trickier situation to break off an engagement and even more complicated when you share a child. I asked her why she missed being single. She said she didn't have the option to be selfish. I laughed because she's the opposite of selfish. I reminded her that she couldn't really be selfish if she tried. Even if she was single, she'd just behave unselfishly toward whatever guy she was dating/talking to/sleeping with. She had a good laugh at that and then said, so maybe she didn't have a good reason, but just missed the lack of complication because relationships are complicated. That I could agree with. I don't think I've ever had a relationship (years ago though they were) that wasn't painfully complicated in one way or another.

I'm glad that Noni chose to express her feelings of missing being single to me instead of sharing them with Eric. I imagine he wouldn't have reacted the same way I did. I shall remember this lesson to not feel the need to share every thought with your significant other. Find some other way to vent.

In my next post about Noni, I'll probably discuss why she's been engaged for over a year with no exact wedding date in sight. It's a crazy story.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Double Booking Just For Fun

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

Quick Recap [I just introduced Michelle into my blogs a couple weeks ago and wrote about her love life on this one last week. I spoke of how she is pretty much happily single, but does enjoy dating. I talked about this date she went on that was horrible, soooo horrible. And I also mentioned a guy Michael. He's this guy she met in school and the one guy who has the best chance of winning her heart, if only he'd consistently try to win her heart. He does this infuriating combo of wanting to spend time with her and then pulling back because he's spending too much time with her when really all the time spent was his idea! Very infuriating, right?] Read Michelle's posts.
Michelle heads back to start her school year in two days. That makes me happy when it comes to Michael because he will be in Chicago and will probably switch to I-miss-you mode and therefore appear generally more interested in her. They're supposed to be going out at some point today because this will really be her last opportunity to see him before she's gone until either her birthday (Libra!!) or maybe just Labor Day.
But here's the twist. There is this other guy, who I'll call Date B, who also wants to see Michelle today. He knows she's about to head back to school, so he texted her last night (while we were having a girl's night at a great bar downtown) to request to spend time with her today. Michelle didn't immediately say no. She is supposed to share today between her cousins (Thing 1 and Thing 2), Michael, and finishing packing. Yet somehow, Date B is now going to be worked into the equation? I can't wait to find out how that ends.
So, Date B is this guy Michelle met through her Thing 1 and Thing 2. She spends a lot of time with her twin cousins because they are the same age and they all went to college together; the twins graduated last year. Date B is a friend of a "boo" of one Thing 1 (yes, I've assigned a specific twin at Thing 1 or Thing 2 AKA Chocolate Thunda). Michelle met him and immediately liked him for one reason alone: his looks. I completely understand this. We all have that one person we can remember being sooo into, but acknowledging it wasn't based on anything but their God-given beauty. She and this guy don't have any sort of deep connection, but she likes spending time with him. I like being around pretty things too, that's why I like parks with lots of flowers and museums. Anyone can agree a date that will go no higher than a 7 or 8 on a 10-point scale, will always be made better by having your date be an exceptional piece of eye candy.
I'll let you know next week if she managed to squeeze all three obligations into her day, or if she ended up blowing off Michael for Date B (she did jokingly say that was an option).

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Big Bad Thursday: Jordan Is Now A Chicago Resident!

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and is a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. Then, he finally that a wonderful woman he already had in his life was worth giving up complete and total bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together. They live in a wonderful apartment in Chicago and they are quite a fabulous couple.***

Quick Recap [The last time I wrote about Bad, it was to talk about Jordan's interview for grad school in Chicago. She had also given her notice at work for her jobs in St. Louis. Bad was getting used to the reality that Jordan was truly about to be his girlfriend and roommate. This was a particularly big deal for them because Bad and Jordan haven't lived in the same city in at least five years. But as the reality set in, he was getting more excited, which is the best reaction ever!] Read Bad's posts.

So, Jordan moved to Chicago last Saturday. I knew there would immediately be a big change in the amount of time I spend with Bad in person and on the phone. They were, of course, in a honeymoon phase because they had all this time together that wasn't about to end just because the weekend ended. But I did manage to catch up with him. We talked a bit about how I feel like trading PT in for Easy, but how it's really not that simple. And we talked about how it's been since Jordan has been there. Even though it's not even been a week yet, he's already clearly even happier.

He spoke of how he went to work on Monday and when he got home from work, dinner was ready. For any self-proclaimed feminists who never learned to cook and cringe at the idea of taking care of a man, this paragraph is not for you. But for the hopeless romantics, traditionalists, or foodies, you can imagine what a lovely addition this will be to his life. Everyday won't be like this, especially once she moves from orientation to classwork, but he's loving that she's there to take care of him now. Five days in, he seems happier than ever. That really makes me love Jordan because Bad deserves to be happy in a relationship (and avoid all that karma he should have coming) and since she's responsible for that happiness, that makes her automatically awesome.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Camille's Wishful Wednesday

I wrote a post yesterday about some changes to this blog. This is the first implementation of that. Sorry, Lion, but your love life doesn't have enough for me to write about anymore. So, I'd like to introduce Camille. She is a friend of Michelle's and mine. We all hung out as friends at church as teenagers. She is a college graduate and now a first year law student in Chicago! I'm excited about that Chicago part because it means we'll be in the same city and that should make it easier for us to stay the good friends we've become. Cause grad professional school is no joke.

***Camille is a friend of mine I know from church. She is classified on another blog I read as a "hopeless romantic", and I think that describes her pretty well. I also think she's incredibly well-balanced. She's able to work on multiple parts of herself at once. She is a law student, an actively dating single woman, a Sunday school teacher, and an all-around good person. She has some pretty concrete ideas about men and the type of man she'd like to end up with. But she's doing the in-my-20s-dating-follies thing as well. I find her love life pretty entertaining, so she was the perfect person to add to the medley. Enjoy.***

In most of my intros about my friends in The Medley (that's my nickname for this blog), I talk a bit about their lives and a lot about their current romantic situation. I think I covered enough non-love life stuff about Camille in the first two paragraphs, so we're just going to jump right into her love life. There are two guys you need to know about. The first we'll call King. The second we'll call Malik.

King is the guy who Camille describes as "the like of my life." She likes him, a lot. I think he's the guy she'd pick right now if she had to settle down first thing tomorrow morning. She talks about him and there is this combination of frustration, happiness, and hope. It all feels very familiar since I'm constantly at the point with men (I wonder if that means we both have bad taste in good men...). But King is this man she likes because she likes the way she feels with him. He's got this busy life and is out of town a lot, especially during the summer. The time they do spend together always produces a good story. Like the time they slow danced to that Luther Vandross song. But, King unfortunately exhibits some he's-just-not-that-into-you behavior every now and then. Does he like her? Of course. Does he like her enough? We don't know. The moral of the story? Men are stupid from age 15 to at least age 33. I will let you know if my (or my friends') personal experiences require that I raise that age.

On to Malik. Malik was introduced to Camille by a mutual friend from work. They talked for a while and decided they like each other. I should stop here to explain one of Camille's tendencies. She's that girl who meets a guy and then immediately starts thinking out the next few years months weeks days with him before there's even been the foundation for such fanciful thoughts (I know I know, I do the same thing. Don't judge us.). Back to Malik. After they met, he started texting and calling her. He called her that night. He planned their first date, he invited her to be his date at his fraternity's 100th year anniversary gala. He basically etched out the next three weeks for them. And Camille's response was amusing. She found it weird that someone else was doing what she usually does. I told her to go with it and let someone else plan out the future and see where it goes. She's liking him so far in spite of all their early hurdles (her aversion to men who aren't tall enough, their difference in religion, his zany family). Next week, I'll talk about their first date and the gala date.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Some Changes To This Blog

There aren't a lot of major changes happening, just some small ones. This blog to me is sort of like a soap opera. And like a soap opera, characters come and go. I won't be writing about my life on this blog for now, that can be found on my main blog. This changed last Friday with the first edition of Michelle's T.G.I.Friday.

Also, Lion's Life Wednesday is going defunct for a while. It's hard to write about a friend's love life when there are no new developments in their love life in a while. He'll be back when someone else's life slows down at the time when his speeds up. So, hopefully tomorrow, I can get up my first post about Camille. She's another friend of mine from church, like Top and Michelle. She is unique from my other friends how? I'm glad you ask. She's an over-analyzer. She's single and doesn't want to be. She's seeking a man and has interesting men in her life. There are two I will be talking about. What's interesting is that this friend has also been mentioned in another blog by another one of her friends. It's a brand new blog and I'm loving it already. Check it out.

So, the current line-up is:
Sonny's Sunday
Melody's Monday
Tip Top Tuesday
Camille's Wishful Wednesday
Big Bad Thursday
Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays
Noni's Stargazing Saturday

Friday, August 13, 2010

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays

Today's blog post isn't titled Focus on Me Friday anymore. Why is that you ask? It's because I don't want to talk about my love life on this blog anymore. I have more to say (sometimes) than what can be covered on one day per week. Also, it's because my girl Michelle has a pretty interesting love life as well. So now any discussion of my love life will pop up on my main blog, A Researcher of Life.

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

To bring you up to speed on Michelle, you need to know two guys. One I'll call Michael on my blogs, the other will be Date A. I'll start with Date A. His name is of no consequence and he may never be mentioned again. He's just a guy she had a date with Wednesday night. She went to elementary school with this guy and they reconnected on Facebook. He kept suggesting they go out and finally, she was like, eh, why not? He looked good enough on his Facebook picture, and he seemed pretty cool.

They get out, and it turns out Date A sucks! Not in a general sucky way, but in a totally-at-odds-with-her-preferences-for-men kind of way. First of, he's way too churchy. Not really a bad thing in general, but horrible for Michelle. I get that as well. I'm super involved in my church, but I'm no holy roller. This applies to Michelle too. This Date A guy definitely had holy roller potential. Also, his behavior and affectations were incredibly feminine, a little too feminine for Michelle's tastes. And they had nothing in common that she likes to have in common with a guy: music, conversation topics, sense of style, sense of humor. Oh, and he looked very little like his picture, as in, not nearly as good looking. It just didn't go well. In fact, Michael texted her while she was on the date to see what she was doing and it took all of her home training to not ditch him right at that moment. She will not be dating Date A again.

This would be a good time to move onto Michael. He is a guy who went to college with Michelle (she's in her last year of college by the way) for one year. During that year, they got very close. After talking for about four months, he suggested they be in a relationship. She said she wasn't ready. Two months after that, she suggested it and he said that wasn't what he wanted anymore. They've been having this back and forth since then. He's not at her school anymore, he's in Chicago. They've been spending time together while she was home for parts of the summer. When she talks about him, her face just lights up. I personally am not a fan of him (mostly not a fan of his hot/cold treatment of her), but I am a fan of that happy look he puts of her face. We'll see what will become of Michelle and Michael and also what letter of the alphabet we get up to on these crazy dates of hers.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Lion's Life Wednesday: A Long Term Relationship?

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***

Quick Recap [The last time I wrote about Lion and his girlfriend Rudy was to look forward to the future on their behalf. They'll both be done with school in 2012 (I think) and if they are still together, they will have to make some difficult decisions because they want very different things out of life: where to live, if to have to children, if to get married, when to do all these things. I have this fear that things aren't gonna end well. And when she accuses him of wasting the best years of her life, he's gonna say, you knew this was who I was and what I (didn't) want. But for now, they are making their long-distance grad school relationship work.]

Last time I asked Lion about Rudy, he said they barely had time to talk because their schedules were different and practically opposite. Thank God for technology and good friends. They text a lot because that's pretty much all they can do most of the time. Also, a mutual friends of theirs has more time and talks to both of them quite frequently. He relays messages as well. They're making it work. And as far as I know, both of them are cool with the situation as it stands because it's temporary.

I still have my fear about their future. I like Rudy for Lion. She makes him happy, and he makes her happy. They do pretty well on my 6/6 scale. To refresh my scale has three questions that becomes six when answered by both people in the couple. Question 1: Are you happy? Question 2: Is your relationship healthy? Question 3: Does this person make you a better person? I would like it if Lion and Rudy talked about more sensitive subjects. It seems like parts of their relationship are still so surface. But maybe their just not the kind of people who discuss difficult things. If they have that in common, it's lucky that they found each other. The point is that they answer yes to those questions, not me. I think they'd have at least 4 out of 6 and they are a work in progress because we know it's not as good as it can get while they live apart with crazy schedules.

I'm looking forward to seeing how long this current setup will last. Lion is in medical school, so his schedule can theoretically change every two months or so as he switches rotations. Rudy is a working grad student, so her schedule is a little more set in stone for this semester.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Tip Top Tuesday: Top If Focusing On Herself Again

***My girl Top is unique and one-of-a-kind. This makes the story of her love life especially interesting. Just when you think you've got her figured, she makes an unexpected move. She's my career-minded friend who is a closet nurturer. Read and learn how to be fabulous.***
Quick Recap [Last time I wrote about Top, she had just dismissed CG. He went to college with us and was trying to find a place to relocate to. When he visited NYC, he and Top investigated their potential. Turns out, she decided they had none]

She's not exactly shifting the focus away from me, she's just not focusing on them. She is taking a look at herself, what she wants out of life, and how that translates to relationships with men. There are men, but none worth giving a blog name too. Some interesting stories have emerged with a certain man, but I won't get into it here.

Top has had some fun stories pop up as she makes new friends and explores New York. One quick one is a night out with friends where she made out with this guy she didn't know that well. I don't know if she'd ever done that before, but it was new to me. It's been on my list of things to do, but had never been presented with the opportunity by someone who I actually wanted to kiss.

Who knows when the next guy will come along to try and sweep her off her feet. I hope he's careful because guys don't have the best luck with Top. They keep projecting what they want onto her. She tells them she's not so into the idea of a relationship on the fast track to marriage and they never seem to hear her or believe her or whatever. But it doesn't end well. I hope the next guy who really likes her reads my blog and realizes, take things slow, try to have fun, and stop placing these ridiculous expectations because you think you've fallen in love with a woman you've been hanging out with for 6 weeks. Stop it!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Melody's Monday: Tweety Is Staying In Town

***Melody is my little sister for all intents and purposes. She just finished her freshman year of college and her love life is filled with all the wonderful things that brings. She has new found freedom mixed with ideals of romance informed by parents and romantic comedies. She is currently involved in what will probably go down in her history as her first adult relationship.***

Quick Recap [Last time I wrote about Melody, her boyfriend Tweety was contemplating transferring to a college down south so he could play in their band. He wanted Melody to go with him down there. This was in spite of the fact that her major was at the college they were currently attending, her family was close to the school, and she was more interested in him than the school. I was hoping he wouldn't go so it wouldn't be an issue for her to have to decide whether or not to follow him.]

Tweety isn't leaving! Thank God. I wasn't going to tell her not to go with him, but I was sooooo against it. The problem was solved for me. He missed his audition for the band and wasn't able to schedule another one. He still loves that school and may try to apply again next school year. That would make me feel better because if they're still together this time next year, they'll have another year of relationship built up to make a major move like that more feasible.

Melody and Tweety are getting ready for this next school year to start. Now that's she's settled into the being-a-college-student-thing, it should be a great year. She has class, work, a boyfriend, and friends. Sounds like the ideal college situation to me. At least it's ideal for Melody. She loves having a relationship and friends. She needs to have a job to help support herself while she's in school. And she loves her major. Things are looking fantastic for her in the near future.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: The Baby Is Here

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but tey're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [I haven't written about Noni since late May. She was getting bigger everyday and nearing her due date. Her and the baby's father, who I call Eric in this blog, had been working on their relationship and recovering from a near break up to pull together and prepare for this baby. This is her first baby, the product of an unplanned pregnancy. As long as I have known Noni, she's had a baby itch. So after she calmed down from freaking out about being pregnant, she was really happy about having this baby. And she was also happy about trying to work things out with Eric.]
Noni's baby has been here for weeks. I know this because Noni has been getting increasingly frustrated as the six-week point is approaching. Anyone who has had a baby, or a close friend or family member knows what I'm talking about. Maybe it's my taste in TV and movies, but I haven't heard too much about this issue on the big or small screen. After you have a baby, the doctor says you can't have sex for six weeks. Poor Noni is going insane. She and Eric have been together for years at this point. That's a lot of constant sex to suddenly give up just because you've given birth.
Eric says he knows she's gonna tie him to the bed for about three days as soon as the six weeks is up. I find that hilarious and hope that he's wrong. He'll get fired if he misses work for three days. But I did give her some tips for the two of them as six weeks will be up in a few days.
1. Drink lots of water. Drink only water. The last thing you want is to run out of energy because you're dehydrating yourself.  
2. No strenuous activity beyond light stretching. The only way to prepare for a marathon is to practice what you'll be doing in that marathon. Since that isn't an option, you don't wanna risk tiring out muscles you may need or doing something even worse, like pulling a muscle. Then you'll be out of commission and turned into a crazy person for lack of sex.
3. Get a baby sitter. I would hate for one of them to be super close to an orgasm and stop to go deal with a suddenly crying baby. If they stop, they've thrown off their whole groove and will have extra work to get it back on track. If they don't stop, they'll inevitably feel bad for not immediately dealing with their child because of sex. Even parents of a six-week-old would feel bad about that (maybe not. We'll see about that if they end up not getting a baby sitter).
I think my summertime business (busy-ness) is winding down and I'll actually be able to report back next week if Noni and Eric are feeling less stir crazy.


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