Focus on Me Friday: Light Has Resurfaced

If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.

A group of my friends from college all went to Vegas last weekend just to hang out and catch up. I didn't go and didn't plan on going because I was supposed to be studying for Step 1 at this point in life when they were planning the trip. But while they were there, I texted one of them to have him inform the rest that I had withdrawn from medical school. Light, my boyfriend from junior and senior year of college was on that trip.

He texted me after he got back to inquire further about my decision. This has led to a series of e-mails where we've caught up on each other's lives. He was going out of his way to express that he knew he didn't have a right to opinionate all over me his feelings on my recent choice, but I responded as if his opinions were valid and that seemed to please him that he's a real person, not just an ex (or soemthing like that). By the way, Southern Sage, he's not a vegetarian anymore. But I digress.

What he is now is the person I've always wanted him to be. He's not lazy and complacent. He's still the same sweet guy, but he's ambitious now. He does volunteer work with an organization I've been dying to get involved with (I'll mention it in some future Working On My Hobbies Wednesday post on my main blog). He's trained as a masseuse and personal trainer. He has a real job that can become a career and wants to get a graduate degree.

Needless to say, I'm scratching my head and trying to remember why I decided he didn't have untapped potential. The unfortunate thing is that I feel like had we never broken up, he would still be doing the complacency thing. He was talking crazy back then about being a dad with "just a job" with the doctor for a wife. That shit just wasn't gonna work for me, I need a career man.

But, we haven't done the typical thing that exes do. Neither of us have tried, casually or not, to inquire if the other is seeing someone. I think we could be good friends, maybe. He's just such a wonderful person now. He's someone I could really admire for the contribution he's making to the world around him.

And also, I'm really looking forward to seeing SATC 2 now to see where Carrie goes next with Aidan. Since, Light is my Aidan after all. I don't know why it's usually a big thing when an ex pops up, but it is, at least to me.

PT May Finally Meet My Family

In an effort to yet further avoid explaining how the Ex is like Berger, I'm going to write about PT. If you watched SATC, you know how much Berger sucked for Carrie. And besides, talking about PT, who is still (for the most part) full of potential will make me happy as I try and avoid thinking about my post on my regular blog.

I've been encourage by some folks who read this blog to stick with making my own rules, especially when it comes to PT. On furthe review, it seems I have been doing that, but could do more. The perfect example of this is that PT hasn't met my family yet. Usually, when I begin dating a guy, the first thing I do is have him meet my family. But I've wanted to keep PT all to myself. If I'm honest, I know part of it is because he's not my parents' perfect idea of the type of guy I should be with. He's older, divorced, has a child, etc. But I think it was more about wanting to get to know him. He's the first guy I've dated in a looooong time who I hadn't known for literally years before we started dating.

So how do I choose to finally let them meet? A nice at home dinner? Nope. A dinner out? Nope. Maybe an event somewhere that still allows for that type of environment? Nope. We're going to a baseball game. My family occasionally goes to baseball games. We're sports people and we like hanging out together. PT occasionally goes to baseball games. He likes sports and he likes going places and doing things. Today my parents were bringing up how they still haven't met PT and are wondering about that at the same time they were bringing up the fact that my dad still hasn't found six people to go to this baseball game he got front row tickets and club passes for. So, when I asked if they wanted me to invite PT, they were like, "oh sure, well, you know, we don't mind. I mean if you want to it's totally fine with us. I mean, yeah, why not?" Real subtle folks.

So I picked up my phone to call him, saw that I had missed a call from him (stupid phone on silent!), called him back and of course got the voice mail. I have a very loving, committed relationship with PT's voicemail. So I sent a text with the info and he was all for it, but not sure that he's free since it is a few weeks away. When I speak to him, I need to stress how expensive the tickets are and how judgemental my parents can be which are both good reasons to not cancel on us if he accepts.

Should be interesting. But there are more reasons why it's interesting, which I will drag out into another blog post tomorrow to yet again avoid discussing the Ex!

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 3

So Bad is my Big, Light is my Aidan. I've explained those two. I still have to explain how PT is the Russian and the Ex is Berger. I think I'll go for PT. I need some more time to think about what to say about the Ex because every time I mention him, I feel I sound far to bitter to be claiming relationship-worthy healthiness.

Carrie met the Russian when she wasn't expecting to meet anyone. SIDE NOTE: In that episode, she was seeing a performance art show that still tours around the US and other countries and Top's roommate went through a harrowing ordeal when asked to travel to Canada to be a part of the show. I'll tell that story one day. SIDE NOTE ENDED. I met PT when I wasn't expecting to meet anyone. In fact, he approached me with quite the same swagger the Russian had. And if you replace Carrie's Charlotte with my Bad (as a friend, not as Big), it was a very similar scenario.

The Russian was an older man who showed Carrie romance and treated her nicer than she'd remembered being treated in a while. While PT and I have a much smaller age difference, our age difference is augmented by the fact that we're in such different places in life. But like Carrie, I don't mind because I'm too busy enjoying PT's company.

There are a few differences. First, unlike Carrie, I wouldn't cancel on my girlfriends to stay with my guy, I'd just end a night out with Bad early. Second, PT is so romantic that I'll faint in the street because of it, he's just a little over the top with the PDA and so far, I think I'm dealing rather well with it so far. Also, the Russian didn't want to have children, he was super old. But even though PT has been married and already has a little girl, he wants to be married again one day and continue to grow his family.

Oh the biggest similarity. The Russian did very important work (he was a famous artist) that consumed a very large portion of his life. Carrie got left out quite a bit and tried her very hardest to be understanding. PT is the same way, except it's education not art. Carrie and the Russian eventually broke up because of it. And seeing as how my life isn't like hers exactly and I don't have a Big coming to rescue me from unhappiness with the Russian, I'd like my story with my "Russian" to turn out better, you know?

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 2

So, my Aidan is Light. I've only mentioned Light briefly in this blog, mostly as an introduction of how I met Lion's girlfriend Rudy. But we were in the same group of friends during sophomore year of college. Literally the first week of junior year, he approached me and asked if I might be interested in dating him. I appreciated his approach and wasn't really interested, but I figured I'd give him a chance.

Aidan and Carrie had a lovely romance where he wanted to wait and not have sex. He wanted to them to have romance first. This didn't sit well with Carrie until she remembered that it was okay that she not rush into things for once. It was the same with Light and me. He wanted to take things slow and have this really traditional courtship. I think we waited two whole months before we got physical.

Aidan decided pretty early on that he would be very happy settling down with Carrie. He wanted a family, children, some property, etc. Light was the same way. He decided very early on that if he and I ended up together, he'd be just fine. He actually told me he wanted to marry me one day. And not in a over-the-top way. He was just letting me know his intentions. And like Carrie, I sort of freaked out. I felt like ending up with Light would be settling and I couldn't figure out why. He was a lovely guy. Definitely one the of best boyfriends I've ever had. He was the kind of guy who would come over at 3 o'clock in the morning to kill a spider for me. There wasn't much he would do for me. And after about 8 months, he learned how to gift properly. Some of my favorite jewelry was from him. But eventually, we broke up because I saw myself going somewhere else. I broke up with him shortly before graduation. It was a very emotional decision that I didn't regret.

And while I never cheated on Light with Bad the way Carrie cheated on Aidan with Big, Bad did play a role. There was something about him that Light could never be and that only justified my thinking that I would be settling. I doubt I would've made the same decision today, but that was who I was three years ago. So I walked away from him. But yeah, I've always seen Aidan as Carrie's one-who-got-away, and that's who Light is for me. He's also one of my few exes that I rarely speak to. I wonder how he's doing. Maybe I'll run into him on vacation like Carrie is going to run into Aidan on SATC 2. Could be interesting since I'm such a different person now. Being in 2.5 bad relationships can do that to a person.

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 1

So, most of my friends and I refer to the men in my life as various men in Carrie's life from Sex and the City. I'll explain how my life fits (and how it doesn't) in a series of posts. So here are the main players:

Carrie: me (duh, lol)
Big: Bad
Aidan: Light
The Russian: PT
Berger: the Ex

There are also some really close comparisons with some of the smaller, less important men over the years the show has run, but they don't much warrant a mission.

So, let's start with how Bad is my Big. We basically shared a passion for passion. We enjoyed each other's company, but when I decided I wanted more, he couldn't give me what I wanted. Then we decided we should be friends right around the time he got a Natasha. Natasha is one of his exes. He was so serious about this girl. She was his first real grown up relationship.

So now, Bad and I are just friends; he's one of my best friends. But there is a divergence here. He's no longer with Natasha, now he's with Jordan. And when he had his moment of thinking maybe we should have another try, I said no. I'm so glad I did because it preserved our friendship and I truly think he would've picked Jordan anyway in the end, leaving my ass hanging out to dry.

So we have this situation where I'm invested in him as a friend and don't want anything more. He's so in love with Jordan and is invested in me as a friend and doesn't want anything more. So the Carrie-and-Big-ending-up-together thing isn't in my future. We stopped where Carrie and Big were friends and before the cheating started. By the way, I always thought Carrie and Big were such selfish assholes for sneaking around like that. Who cares if you love the people you're hurting?! Quit being greedy and pick one person!

But anyways, in Part 2, I'll explain how Light is my Aidan.