Focus on Me Friday: Occupying My Time Is Working

I've been going out of my way to occupy my time so the fact that PT is so busy will not piss me off so constantly. It's been working. While I've been aware of how busy he is all the damn time, it's been less of an issue because I have things to do with my time other than hang out with my family.

What I need to focus on is the type of man I attract. I wish I could put a sign on my forehead that let men know if they were fresh out a of relationship, they shouldn't approach me. I wish I could put up a billboard to let men know that!

Top thinks that I am in transition, that's why I keep attracting men in transition. I don't know what transition I'm in that's been lasting since 2004, but if I could figure that out, maybe I could stop attracting these awful men. They're not awful, their situation is.

With each man I meet, I end up wanting something different. I don't have a cookie cutter vision of what I want with plans to squeeze whatever man into that plan. It changes with each guy to fit how I see him and I together. But I'm so sick of these men with limitations. I might as well not even bother to figure out what I want because they come in with these newly-single dude-limitations. Doesn't always mean the same thing with each guy, but it means inevitable, they're gonna piss me off with their unsettled issues with their exes. It's a trend I'd love to stop repeating.

Screening Questions for New Men
1.  How long ago was your last relationship? (anything under 18 months is too soon)
2. How religious are you? (any synonyms of "very" won't work)
3. Are you dating anyone else right now? (answers like, "are dating and sleeping with the same thing?" will confound me)
4.  How is your relationship with your mother/sister? (anything short of "great" won't work. I don't do momma issues)

My plan for PT right now is to see if things improve with him, but also to keep my eyes open for someone better. Maybe after a quick screening, I can avoid some recent mistakes.

Big Bad Thursday: Jordan Is Moving To Chicago!!

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and was supposed to be a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. He finally realized that a wonderful woman he already had in his life was worth giving up bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together.***

Quick Recap: The last post I wrote spoke of an interview Jordan has in Chicago. That interview is actually today. Bad has also applied for a Chicago grad school. The apartment he has in Chicago is begging for Jordan's interior designer touch to make it their own. All they really need to do is get acceptance letters and pick a date for her moving here.

Like I said, Jordan's interview is today. It will basically be a countdown from there to get an official acceptance into this program. But there are more steps to this move than meets the eye. Jordan is currently living with her parents in St. Louis, and she works two jobs there. I went to St. Louis last weekend to help chaperon for a church thing (which is why I wasn't blogging, so sorry guys). While I was there, she had a free evening, so we went out on a chick date. It's like the man-date described in I Love You, Man. Exactly like that, but with two females instead. Anyway, while we were out, Jordan explained to me that she talked to her mother and basically got her mother to suggest she move in with Bad if she was going to be in grad school in Chicago. It's always nice to use reverse psychology in place of, "Mom, I'm going to be living in sin starting next month for an undisclosed length of time."

Jordan also explained that she had given notice on her two jobs. She gave them 30 day notice at the beginning of July. That got me really excited. And class starts at the beginning of September, so she'll have to move to Chicago and get settled pretty early in August. That means she'll be a Chicago resident in literally two weeks and some change. I'm so excited for Bad and Jordan! After the years they've been doing their thing, it's nice to see them make this grown-up step towards something really real.

I doubt they're about to get ready to head down the aisle any time soon. This is based on the Bad I know and the Jordan I'm getting to know. They're both really focused on making sure their careers get up off the ground, but they're also really focused on being together in a way that works for both of them right now. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Focus On My Friday: I've Been Occupying My Damn Time

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

Today's post title comes from a movie that I love. It's called Two Can Play That Game. It stars Vivica Fox and Morris Chestnut. The two of them are dating and Morris Chestnut messes up. She instills this plan (which only a crazy woman would actually try and do) to make him behave. Part of it includes "occupy your damn time." She does this while ignoring him so she doesn't get weak and go back to him before time.

 
That may sounds complicated (and crazy), but there is a point of it I actually like. I've expressed frustration with PT about how busy he is. But, I still like him and I'm still hoping things will get better eventually. But it's just not in me to sit idly by hoping some man will make time for me. So, I've been occupying my damn time.
 
A guy I used to date is back in the picture. I know things won't go anywhere (just like they didn't last time), but I enjoy his company. And he fills the requirement of occupying my damn time. And I met a guy at a wedding last weekend who I've hit it off with. He's a Cancer and I'm a Libra, so we're definitely headed for an epic crash and burn at some point in the near future. But for right now, I'm having fun spending time with him.
 
And also, I've been spending more time with my friends (guys and girls). I spend very little time at home. The time I am at home, I'm usually blogging, applying for jobs, or watching movies. So I feel like I don't even have time to sit and pine over PT.
 
Don't get me wrong, I have seen him, just not very often. I saw him last night. I finally figured out what the issue I've been having with him is. I obviously like him, but I always felt like I didn't like him like I thought I should. This may not make sense, but I'll try to explain anyway. When I hug someone I like there's a feeling there. A kind of warm-ness or cuddle-y-ness that makes me happy just to have that person's arms around me. I've never really had that with PT. I took it to mean there just wasn't that feeling and maybe I was more into his resume than him. But last night, I finally felt that feeling. Instead of looking for it, I just hugged him without searching for that feeling. I guess because I didn't have that pressure on myself for once, it happened naturally. That's good to know that I'm not wasting my time on someone I could never fall in love with. I really had a sigh of relief that I could have a depth of feeling for this man beyond basic like.
 
So, in the meantime, I've been occupying my damn time. Either things with PT will improve or I'll run into someone else I like better. We shall see.

Big Bad Thursday: Settling In Chicago Is Becoming A More Solid Reality

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and was supposed to be a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. He finally realized that a wonderful woman he already had in his life was worth giving up bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together.***

Quick Recap: Last time I actually had time to post on a Thursday, I was talking about Bad nesting in his new apartment and Jordan waiting to hear from grad schools. They had basically decided that wherever she went for grad school, he would try and go to grad school in the same place.

So, the school in Chicago that caught Jordan's eye has accepted her! There's an interview for the specific program she wants. I believe that is next week. She'll be here this weekend. She was here a couple of weeks ago for a tour of the campus and the three of us went out for drinks. I was so glad to hear that it seemed pretty definite that she would be here.

Bad sees the interview as a mere formality. What emphasizes this even more is the fact that he put in his application for grad school too! In about a month and a half, these two should know for sure that they're starting grad school in the fall. As excited as I am, they are super excited too. I can't wait to help Jordan move up to Chicago.

What's even better is Bad hasn't had a real freak out moment in a while. Every so often, he's all like, "oh man, what am I doing? I'm letting go of my bachelorhood!?" Then I imagine him running around in a circle like a distraught cartoon character. I'm just kidding, it's never that bad. It's just amusing to see him succumbing to his love for this woman and to see him accepting this new life he's making for himself.

Depending on how long Sonny & Cher stay engaged, Bad may beat them down the aisle, lol. Probably not.

Lion's Life Wednesday: Looking To The Far Future

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***


Quick Recap: Lion's girlfriend is Rudy. She went to college with us. They were dating at the end of college, but he broke it off because he didn't want a long-distance relationship. He changed his mind, he won her back, and now they're making it work even though he lives in St. Louis and she lived in Florida.

I went to visit Lion in St. Louis after my family got back from South Carolina. I asked him if Rudy was coming up to visit too because it had been a while since she's been to St. Louis. But Lion went down to Florida this week, so she wouldn't be coming up. I often wonder how she feels about him having such a close female friend. But I've never heard him say she has complained, so I guess I won't worry about it.

Their current issue is that she wants to be married and have a family eventually and he doesn't. He used to not even see himself being married, but now he can, as long as that person also doesn't want children. This has major potential to crash and burn, but probably not anytime soon. Rudy is looking for grad schools to attend. And nowhere in St. Louis is the specific psychology grad program she wants.

But when she finishes her grad program in 2012 at the same time he finishes med school, some choices will need to be made. I can't imagine him proposing to her if he knows she wants children. I can just hope he'll have changed his mind by then.

Tip Top Tuesday: Another One Bites The Dust

***My girl Top is unique and one-of-a-kind. This makes the story of her love life especially interesting. Just when you think you've got her figured, she makes an unexpected move. She's my career-minded friend who is a closet nurturer. Read and learn how to be fabulous.***

Quick Recap: Top is single. She is single by choice. She has been talking to a guy named CG and liking him more and more. He's lives in a different state and recently came to NYC soon to visit her. This trip for him is to visit her but also to visit NYC because he's looking for a place to settle in since graduating grad school.

 

CG's trip to NYC to visit Top was a success. They went to the Maxwell/Jill Scott concert and had a great time. They visited several areas of New York and did a combo of the tourist and hometown thing. When Top described the trip to me, it sounded like they had the best time ever. What's even better, CG loved NYC!

 

It sounded like things had gone so well and were off to a terrific start. CG went to L.A. the next weekend with his cousin to visit the cousin and also to visit L.A. I don't know how that trip went because sometime in that gap of days, CG and Top had an argument from which I don't think CG can recover. Top liked him, but apparently not enough. I never really had time to form an opinion about CG other than to like the fact that she liked him. I never knew CG in college, so I wasn't biased one way or another.

 

At least she got a great story and learned that she can really show someone her city and make them fall in love with it. I don't know for sure that CG is definitely gone, but it's looking that way...