Friday, July 9, 2010

Focus On My Friday: I've Been Occupying My Damn Time

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

Today's post title comes from a movie that I love. It's called Two Can Play That Game. It stars Vivica Fox and Morris Chestnut. The two of them are dating and Morris Chestnut messes up. She instills this plan (which only a crazy woman would actually try and do) to make him behave. Part of it includes "occupy your damn time." She does this while ignoring him so she doesn't get weak and go back to him before time.
That may sounds complicated (and crazy), but there is a point of it I actually like. I've expressed frustration with PT about how busy he is. But, I still like him and I'm still hoping things will get better eventually. But it's just not in me to sit idly by hoping some man will make time for me. So, I've been occupying my damn time.
A guy I used to date is back in the picture. I know things won't go anywhere (just like they didn't last time), but I enjoy his company. And he fills the requirement of occupying my damn time. And I met a guy at a wedding last weekend who I've hit it off with. He's a Cancer and I'm a Libra, so we're definitely headed for an epic crash and burn at some point in the near future. But for right now, I'm having fun spending time with him.
And also, I've been spending more time with my friends (guys and girls). I spend very little time at home. The time I am at home, I'm usually blogging, applying for jobs, or watching movies. So I feel like I don't even have time to sit and pine over PT.
Don't get me wrong, I have seen him, just not very often. I saw him last night. I finally figured out what the issue I've been having with him is. I obviously like him, but I always felt like I didn't like him like I thought I should. This may not make sense, but I'll try to explain anyway. When I hug someone I like there's a feeling there. A kind of warm-ness or cuddle-y-ness that makes me happy just to have that person's arms around me. I've never really had that with PT. I took it to mean there just wasn't that feeling and maybe I was more into his resume than him. But last night, I finally felt that feeling. Instead of looking for it, I just hugged him without searching for that feeling. I guess because I didn't have that pressure on myself for once, it happened naturally. That's good to know that I'm not wasting my time on someone I could never fall in love with. I really had a sigh of relief that I could have a depth of feeling for this man beyond basic like.
So, in the meantime, I've been occupying my damn time. Either things with PT will improve or I'll run into someone else I like better. We shall see.

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