Friday, April 15, 2011

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Mulling Over A Cycle Broken

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***
Read T.G.I.Fridays posts.

Last week, I wrote about Michelle and her decision to break her cycle with men. I keep mentioning how it's slim pickings in Charleston for her, so she hasn't met anyone new to test out her new behavior yet. I'm looking forward to when she meets a new guy who is worthwhile.

Getting approached by a guy who professes interest in you isn't really the hard part when you're an attractive girl, as Michelle is. The hard part is sorting out the frogs from the princes. How does one even begin to figure that out? My go to guide is... don't judge me... He's Just Not That Into You.

I'm not talking about the movie, although the movie is wonderful. I mean the book. I read in undergrad with my girl Noni and I found it unique and compelling as far as self-help books go. It stated something that I say a lot. No one can do anything to you that you don't let them.

A great example of this is what happened with Easy and me back in August. I couldn't control him picking someone else over me, but I could control my reaction and our interactions after that. I knew that being his friend was something I didn't want, so I kept my distance from him. Not having me in his life led him to miss me so much that he came back with a vengeance. Maybe vengeance isn't the right word. I watched too many Die Hard movies as a child, ha ha. But the point is, I got what I wanted from him by not allowing him to pussyfoot around and giving him no other option but to figure out what he truly wanted. We got lucky that it turned out we wanted the same thing.

For Michelle, I'm hoping she can keep a firm grasp on what she wants and when she wants it and who she wants it from. That will make her job easier for spotting a guy who doesn't want that. If she just wants to date and hang out and get to know people, that's what she should stay focused on. That will weed out the guys dying to get married next week along with the guys who only want sex and nothing else.

And by the way, no where in my hope for her breaking her cycle did I suggest she should cut all ties with these guys from the past. Some of them will make really good friends for her once they've established the romantic potential of their involvement has run it's course. There is this guy in Charleston she hangs out with. He likes her, but she doesn't want their relationship to go anywhere. But hanging out with him is perfectly fine as long as time spent with him doesn't deter her from finding the real thing should it come along.


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