How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 1

So, most of my friends and I refer to the men in my life as various men in Carrie's life from Sex and the City. I'll explain how my life fits (and how it doesn't) in a series of posts. So here are the main players:

Carrie: me (duh, lol)
Big: Bad
Aidan: Light
The Russian: PT
Berger: the Ex

There are also some really close comparisons with some of the smaller, less important men over the years the show has run, but they don't much warrant a mission.

So, let's start with how Bad is my Big. We basically shared a passion for passion. We enjoyed each other's company, but when I decided I wanted more, he couldn't give me what I wanted. Then we decided we should be friends right around the time he got a Natasha. Natasha is one of his exes. He was so serious about this girl. She was his first real grown up relationship.

So now, Bad and I are just friends; he's one of my best friends. But there is a divergence here. He's no longer with Natasha, now he's with Jordan. And when he had his moment of thinking maybe we should have another try, I said no. I'm so glad I did because it preserved our friendship and I truly think he would've picked Jordan anyway in the end, leaving my ass hanging out to dry.

So we have this situation where I'm invested in him as a friend and don't want anything more. He's so in love with Jordan and is invested in me as a friend and doesn't want anything more. So the Carrie-and-Big-ending-up-together thing isn't in my future. We stopped where Carrie and Big were friends and before the cheating started. By the way, I always thought Carrie and Big were such selfish assholes for sneaking around like that. Who cares if you love the people you're hurting?! Quit being greedy and pick one person!

But anyways, in Part 2, I'll explain how Light is my Aidan.

All My Eggs In One Basket, No More!

Since I've decided not to put all my eggs in the PT basket, I need to figure out what else I should be doing. I figure I can multi-task at the job fair tomorrow and see if I can meet and interesting guy while meeting an interesting job offer.

I think it could be fun to do something like speed dating too. But I'm honestly not in a position to meet guys. I get hit on a lot when I'm out, but I mean actually meeting someone worthwhile in a situation where we can appraise each other for real potential. I met PT at a party neither of us was supposed to be at. I met the Ex when I was 11 and we kept popping up in each other's lives til we started dating. Light was in my group of friends and pursued me until I agreed to date him. Adam was a friend-turned-lover. I just don't know how to meet men that aren't accidentally placed there by fate or timing or whatever.

So, I need some suggestions on what I can do. I'm not completely comfortable with internet dating sites. I tried that for like three weeks, but I found myself leaning towards the same prejudice I have when I meet a guy at a dance club. I need a better situation in which to start and acquaintance-ship (I make up words, forgive me).

I really want someone to share my life with. And I don't mean plotting on the next 60 years with someone before I even have a person in mind. I just mean I want someone who's there to try a new restaurant with me or go see a movie or sit on the beach and talk about books we've read. The moments in my life that I have, I'd like to have those moments with someone, you know?

PT Wants Me To Talk About My Feelings

Last night, when I was still upset that my father called me a dropout (there's a small rant about that in today's post on my other blog), I texted PT to tell him. My text basically said

My dad just called me a dropout. That just happened.

I didn't actually expect a response. He's always so busy, and Friday evenings is when he goes to pick up his daughter for the weekend. I figured he'd get back to me sometime Sunday afternoon. But he responded almost immediately, telling me that my dad is hurting. I responded back asking if that was supposed to be some sort of justification. He responded that it wasn't a justification, just a possible explanation. I can understand that. That's something I appreciate about PT, which is why I told him what happened.

But then he asked if I needed face time to discuss further what happened. Then I really wondered what I had done to give him the impression that I needed a more in depth emotional discussion. When I get emotional about things, it's cause I've just seen an awesome pair of shoes or it's the big ending to a rom-com, lol. I don't do emotional heart to hearts about hurt feelings!

And, I was partly irritated at PT because he's so busy. We were supposed to go out Thursday, but a late work dinner meeting thing ran super long. Then on Friday morning, he asked was I free Sunday evening. I hate the idea of being in the same city for a weekend and not seeing the person I'm seeing. What the fuck is that about? And I can't do Sunday evening, I need to be well-rested for the job fair on Monday. That's my first foray into the workin world and I need it to go well. What we should do is dinner Monday night, but he'll probably be too busy to do that, so I didn't even bother to suggest it. All of this led me to a conclusion:

Listening to my heart sucks! I like PT, a lot, so I felt justified in listening to my heart. I'm not pushing for some serious exclusive relationship hurtling towards marriage at a fast pace. I just don't want to feel like last on his list. I've been in that situation before and I have no desire to repeat it. So, I am planning on ignoring the part of me that wants only him and force myself to be more available to advances from new people. If I actually give someone an actual chance, maybe I'll find someone who wants what I want, and is able to do/be that now. This doesn't mean I'm walking away from PT, it just means that I'm no longer putting all my eggs in one basket. If he gets it together before I find someone else worthwhile, great. If not, oh well for him. He can just move on to unavoidably neglecting someone else.

Update on Top: so she's still in the full swing of not dating, but she's been talking on the phone to this guy that went to college with us. He's in a different state doing grad school. He's been telling her about how he was interested in her in college and stuff like that. She seems interested, but is keeping him at a distance because he's a southern boy and has already admitted to being the marrying type, and we all know Top is anti-marriage right now.