Saturday, May 1, 2010

PT Wants Me To Talk About My Feelings

Last night, when I was still upset that my father called me a dropout (there's a small rant about that in today's post on my other blog), I texted PT to tell him. My text basically said
My dad just called me a dropout. That just happened.
I didn't actually expect a response. He's always so busy, and Friday evenings is when he goes to pick up his daughter for the weekend. I figured he'd get back to me sometime Sunday afternoon. But he responded almost immediately, telling me that my dad is hurting. I responded back asking if that was supposed to be some sort of justification. He responded that it wasn't a justification, just a possible explanation. I can understand that. That's something I appreciate about PT, which is why I told him what happened.

But then he asked if I needed face time to discuss further what happened. Then I really wondered what I had done to give him the impression that I needed a more in depth emotional discussion. When I get emotional about things, it's cause I've just seen an awesome pair of shoes or it's the big ending to a rom-com, lol. I don't do emotional heart to hearts about hurt feelings!

And, I was partly irritated at PT because he's so busy. We were supposed to go out Thursday, but a late work dinner meeting thing ran super long. Then on Friday morning, he asked was I free Sunday evening. I hate the idea of being in the same city for a weekend and not seeing the person I'm seeing. What the fuck is that about? And I can't do Sunday evening, I need to be well-rested for the job fair on Monday. That's my first foray into the workin world and I need it to go well. What we should do is dinner Monday night, but he'll probably be too busy to do that, so I didn't even bother to suggest it. All of this led me to a conclusion:

Listening to my heart sucks! I like PT, a lot, so I felt justified in listening to my heart. I'm not pushing for some serious exclusive relationship hurtling towards marriage at a fast pace. I just don't want to feel like last on his list. I've been in that situation before and I have no desire to repeat it. So, I am planning on ignoring the part of me that wants only him and force myself to be more available to advances from new people. If I actually give someone an actual chance, maybe I'll find someone who wants what I want, and is able to do/be that now. This doesn't mean I'm walking away from PT, it just means that I'm no longer putting all my eggs in one basket. If he gets it together before I find someone else worthwhile, great. If not, oh well for him. He can just move on to unavoidably neglecting someone else.

Update on Top: so she's still in the full swing of not dating, but she's been talking on the phone to this guy that went to college with us. He's in a different state doing grad school. He's been telling her about how he was interested in her in college and stuff like that. She seems interested, but is keeping him at a distance because he's a southern boy and has already admitted to being the marrying type, and we all know Top is anti-marriage right now.


Anonymous said...

First she needs to be careful about them southern boys, bad news, but oh so good at it!

It seems to me that a lot depends on peoples life stage. That makes a huge difference on where they place importance. I think that PT could see you if he wanted, I mean could you go over AFTER his daughter was asleep and hang out?

Anyway he might be a great guy (not judging him) but he has his priorities in line with what is best for him and his daughter and right now that might not include another relationship with anyone. Nothing against you, just life stage and circumstance working against you here.

CeCe Savage said...

I have gone over and seen him after his daughter was asleep. But when I'm in town for days (from Wed to Tues), I'm not about to cancel on my friends to wait around until 10 pm when he's free.

And I've always felt that people make time for what they want to make time for. But it's hard for me to hold him to that standard when the other things he's doing with his time are so important. And not in a general kind of way, but pretty specifically. I am pretty well aware of how his days go, we talk about that stuff a lot, there's just not a lot of wiggle room.


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