Monday, February 28, 2011

Gloria's Romantic Monday: Knowing He's The One

***Gloria is a friend of mine I know from church. She is a single mother. She has a boyfriend, Gregory, who we all love and her son's father, Rufus, who we all hate. She is fun-loving and hilarious. Gloria is the type of friend who'd be there for you at a party, when things get tough, or even if you need help applying for school.***

Last week, I talked about Gloria's Valentine's Day with Gregory. There wasn't much to that. But I did get to spend a whole day almost hanging out with Gloria last week and so I got a more in depth view to how she viewed her relationship.

She agrees with me that you don't need years to figure out you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Makes me feel less like a crazy person for my feelings about Easy. But enough about me. Gloria does indeed feel that Gregory is the guy for her and the man she wants to marry and spend the rest of her life with.

That's not new news; I've discussed it in the blog before. But this was the deepest insight I got into it. Not only does Gloria feel like Gregory is the right one. He's The One. And she's already convinced that if things didn't work out between them, she'd just be done. She would give up and date no more.

I told her that was dramatic because she was only 25. And people start over at ages like 50 and 60, so 25 or 30-ish wasn't so terrible. But she explained that she just couldn't imagine going through the work of finding someone who could even possibly make her feel anything like Gregory made her feel. He landed in her lap without much effort and actually looking, really looking, for that person, would be unbearable.

Well, that sentiment I understood. When things with a person are so much easier and better than you ever thought possible, it's hard to imagine going to back to how it's been with everyone else. Work, drama, and the payoff isn't as intense.

So the question is what comes next? Deciding to spend the rest of your life is was easier than planning. Where will you live? When will you get married? What about kids? What happens if you can't pursue both people's dreams at the same time? Gloria and Gregory don't agree on the answers to all those (and other) questions. But they have agreed to find the answers together.

Even though I had a lot to write in this post, I still wanted to link to an online article that might help. I googled "he's the one" and the very first link was a WikiHow article entitled How To See If He's The One. I find some of these a bit ridiculous (I have a bad memory, sue me), but I will see how they match up with what I know about Gloria and Gregory. I want to warn that there is a lot of paraphrasing coming.

Step 1: Naturally Remember Important Dates  Um, Gloria did just tell me she doesn't know their anniversary, but that's because they don't actually have an official day. I'm gonna give half credit for that because she knows his birthday.

Step 2: No Pressure To Become Intimate This may not be the best judge cause Gloria isn't a prude with some icky three month rule about sex. But, no Gregory didn't pressure her before she was ready. This counts.

Step 3: Do You Compliment Even When He's Not His Best Oh yeah, she does this. He was growing his hair for a reason I won't repeat here. Everyone knows there is a rough patch whenever you grow your hair out, male or female or black or white, it's just rough for a while. He has no idea how rough it was for her to have to look at him and swear he looked good during that time.

Step 4: Are Your People Liking Him All of Gloria's people like Gregory. Except, of course, Rufus, her son's father. Meeting him was a joy for all the people, family, friends, offspring.

Step 5: Who Wins The "I Love You" Game I don't know if she initiates saying I love you a lot. That is some lovey dovey crap that we don't talk about. I guess I could ask her or whatever. They get a maybe.

Step 6: Talk About The Future Without Prompting Yes, they talk about their future without having it forced upon them.

Step 7: Do You Want To Exchange Keys If she lived alone, he would totally have a key. They don't spend that much time at his place, so she doesn't have a key. But they talk about living together. Some people move in for the money benefits. They only live apart because of money issues. I'll give them a half.

Step 8: Comfortable Being Completely Yourself This one's easy. Yes.

Step 9: When He Thinks You're Not Listening, Does He Still Say Great Things I don't know about this one. They get a maybe.

Step 10: Is He Controlling? Cause If So, Run! Gregory isn't the controlling type. He would never try to tel Gloria what to do. I'm sure he's sure that would be one the worst decisions he could ever make.

After all of that, they ended up with two maybes, six positive answers and six half positive answers. Not bad I'd say. Especially considering, I don't know the whole story about the all the answers. I'm so doing this quiz for Easy and I on my main blog.

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