Sunday, April 11, 2010

More About PT & Why I Am Almost Done

I wrote about PT on my main blog tonight, so here's a link to that.

And everything time I think I've got my mind made up, something happens to change it. That's the problem with being a Libra, nothing is ever certain as long as I'm still living. So, I thought I was done hearing from August. But I finally decided to check my Facebook page and there he was, instant messaging me. I love that Facebook added that feature, it allows me to talk to people I wouldn't otherwise have time (or the convenient means) to talk to very often.

I also was able to catch up with some of the younger sibling of the Ex. He has seven younger siblings (very large family) and when we broke up, I refused to let go of his family. For once, a breakup didn't mean I had to lose a connection with a wonderful family. What can I say? I'm a family person, I like to know where the person I'm dating came from. And I'd like to think of myself as the big sister they never had (or at least won't have until one of the top four gets married). One of these days, I'll tell that story, which ends with the moral I should never date Virgos. PT is confirming that for me right now.

But back to August. He annoyed me so much the past weekend in Chicago that I was ready to throw in the towel. I've never had the desire to give him an honest shot and I just chalk that up to chemistry or whatever. I was ready to move on. But then he instant messages me on Facebook and reminds me why I like him. He's just easy to talk to. And he has this passion for me that is romantic and refreshing and flattering. And most importantly, has no creepy factor to it. We were just catching up and talking, and he was so sweet. We talked for hours. I had forgotten we had that ability to do so. The last time he made a big push for us was when the Ex had come back and we were doing our Toxic Limbo Thing. So I wasn't even in the mindset to hear it. That didn't end well and my memory forgot that he can be really emjoyable company. And it doesn't matter if it's through the internet, over the phone, or in person.

He said some really amazing things to me. He told me I was like the perfect martini mix. That sounds kinda cheesy, but in context is was amazing. It was like that scene in the movie Brown Sugar where Taye Diggs tells Sanaa Lathan that she was the perfect verse over a tight beat (or something like that). It was specific to us (we both love martinis and they are very integral to a great date we had back in 2008)and a metaphor that I understood but still got sweeter when he chose to explain it.

He did things I haven't done in so long. He complimented me. He shared things about himself that were unexpected and refreshing. He discussed current events with me. I'm all about current events, but I tend to shy away from discussing them because I always get disappointed with other peoples' lack of knowledge or opinion about anything and everything going on in the world today.

When August comes along and reminds me that a man exists that does and has all these things I want, it always confuses me. It makes me re-think what I've decided. I feel bad that I've never given him a real chance. I remember how easy it would be to be with someone like him.

But here's the problem. I just don't feel a passion for him. With me, passion doesn't always come on day one. With the Ex, it developed over a while (I couldn't remember this, but luckily I kept a diary during that time to remind of the facts of the situation.). It could be that way with August too. But it seems he'll never get top billing unless he were the last man on earth.

If PT were to call me right now, all would be forgiven and I'd be happy again as if he hadn't spent the last three months borderline neglecting me. August would never do that to me. He was raised to be a good Christian man and he turns 30 this year, so he's doing the biological clock itch thing. He wants to be married and start a life with someone. Someone like me he says. He's not set on me and me alone. He dates other people and tries to start things with them. It's just that nothing has woked out yet. I feel badly for August. It would be so easy for both of us if I would just cooperate. Why can't I make my heart want what I know would be good for it?

Update on Top & Jack: I think they may be truly done. Another Cancer-Libra pairing crashes and burns. A tiny part of me is still holding out hope though...

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