Noni's Stargazing Saturday: Back Up To The Top Of The Roller Coaster

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. We were even roommates for a year and some change. But she's done with school (for now). She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationship at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Quick Recap [The last time I wrote about Noni, it was over a month ago. I wrote about how she was having a very difficult time in her relationship with Eric. Because of financial reasons, they were living separate and it wasn't going well. She had come up with a plan to keep her life on track and gain some independence.] Read Stargazing Saturday posts.

Things have improved for Noni. Right now, we're on a high of the roller coaster that is her love life. She's been back living with Eric for about three weeks now. He was finally able to secure them a place to live that works for him, her, and their son. Noni was able to get the job she wanted that would allow her to save a lot of money.

I'm so proud of her that she's sticking to her plan to gain some independence. And Eric is in with the plan. He likes that she's doing what she has to to finish school by the end of next year. He's supporting her. And things are much better between them. He's holding himself accountable for his whereabouts.

Noni and I have this thing we do where we describe what a perfect world would be for us in that moment. The perfect world she would describe is the one she has right now. It wouldn't be perfect for everyone, but she's really happy. And she's also terrified. She feels like things never stay good for long in her life. Experience has shown her that things never stay good, and when they go awry, they go horribly wrong. Since I've known her, that's been pretty much true. But I'm hoping that's not what happens now.

She has moments that I think a lot of people have when it seems like things are too good to be true. She feels like sabotaging things so they aren't so perfect. Because if you can describe a situation as "good, but it has it's problems" then you can handle it. But if everything feels perfect, there's nowhere to go but down. But she hasn't sabotaged anything yet.

For now, Noni has her schedule going where she wakes up in the morning, gets her son and Eric's other son to their day cares, and she heads to work. Then she gets home from work and has family time and then gets up and does the same thing the next day. I'm just glad she's happy right now. And I hope the next time I write a post about Noni, I'm still singing that tune.

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Partying Alone? Not If She Can Help It

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

I ended my last post about Michelle on a hopeful note. I was hopeful that soon, I would be able to write about something other than how much guys suck. That is not the case yet.

Michael sucks! He just does. I will be a much happier person when Michelle is done with him for ever and I never have to ask about him again. By not asking about him, I won't have to hear a disappointing answer. That will be a great time.

Michelle is coming to visit Chicago next weekend and we were discussing maybe going out to dinner and having a girls' night out. That sounds like fun, but we've got to find a party to go to as well.

I guess I'm not really looking for anyone for myself (I've pretty much decided it's much less stressful to only date one person at a time), but it will be fun to try and help Michelle find someone. So I have to figure out where we should go for drinks/dancing after dinner. Spontaneity is good, but to ensure a successful manhunt, there should be planning.

This weekend, Michelle's school is having this black student reunion. She's been looking forward to this for a while now. So maybe this weekend will yield an interesting story.

Michelle met this guy while out with a friend a few weeks ago. But she said he had horrible shoes, was kind of short, and acted a bit odd. I'm hoping she doesn't run into him again while she's out this weekend. What I'd like to see happen is for her to reconnect with some guy she had interest in who isn't on campus anymore. That would be more exciting, don't you think?

Camille's Wishful Wednesday:Regression, Remorse, and Roller Coasters, Oh My!

***Camille is a friend of mine I know from church. She is classified on another blog I read as a "hopeless romantic", and I think that describes her pretty well. I also think she's incredibly well-balanced and able to work on multiple parts of herself at once. She is a law student, a Sunday school teacher, and an all-around good person. She has some pretty concrete ideas about men and the type of man she'd like to end up with. But she's doing the in-my-20s-dating-follies thing as well.***

Last week, I told a funny story about Camille accidentally picking up a butcher-man while running an errand for Malik. I'm pretty sure she has forbid him from reading my blog, so I'm thinking he still doesn't know about it. It's probably for the best. So butcher man is a person of the past.

So now it should be free and easy sailing with Malik right? Of course not. Because he can't manage to keep it together for more than a short amount of time. I'm not saying Malik is a horrible guy. I'm saying that perhaps he and Camille have very different ideas of how a courtship is supposed to go.

So here's what happened: last Saturday, Camille went to get herself some food, but it was enough for two people. Malik said he was hungry and had just gotten off work, so she offered to bring her food to him and share with him.

He kept talking about having to go to the gym and being off schedule. She figured since she drove all the way to him that he would wait a bit to spend more time with him. She basically was there only long enough to eat and watch him get ready for the gym. When she asked him outright to wait to go to the gym, he said no, citing the importance of keeping his schedule.

Camille was pissed. They're not at the point where she stays at his house when he isn't there, so she left when he left, even though he'd only be gone for an hour. He was trying to make conversation before he left, but she was pretty upset and didn't say much. She basically left while he wasn't expecting it. He was standing on the sidewalk watching her drive away (that sounds familiar...).

Camille sent Malik a BBM later to tell him she thought he was rude. He apologized, but they haven't spoken since. She hasn't even really had the desire to reach out to him to see what's up. That's a far cry from what was going on three weeks ago with her emotions regarding him.

Camille told me her usual pattern is to really like a guy when they first start talking and then for those feelings to fizzle out even before they end things. I can imagine if they all have see-saw behavior like Malik, that would be the case over and over again. Only two men have inspired her to still like them before things ever ended. Malik isn't one of them.

If Malik doesn't reach out to her, I don't know that she'll reach out to him. Maybe things between them will just fizzle out like her feelings seem to have. Which sucks because I like Malik when I met him, and I had hope for him. I'm just relieved that Camille will not be pining over this man who insists on engaging in I'm-just-not-that-into-you behavior.

Selfish ass! If he had to stick to his schedule, he should've got his own food instead of having Camille schlep all the way to him to share hers! I just got mad about that. Seriously, who the hell does that? Malik is officially a selfish ass in my book. A thoughtless, selfish ass. And Camille deserves better.

Tip Top Tuesday: He Wants What He Can't Have

***My girl Top is unique and one-of-a-kind. This makes the story of her love life especially interesting. Just when you think you've got her figured, she makes an unexpected move. She's my career-minded friend who's always focused on self-improvement. She's also super-independent yet a closet nurturer. Read and learn how to be fabulous.***

Quick Recap [The last post I wrote about Top was earlier this month. It's not that things haven't happened since then, I just didn't have the story yet to share. In the last post, I was talking about her becoming fearless in love like she is in a lot of other aspects of her life. I spoke of looking forward to that time. In an even earlier post, I mentioned a man who isn't available to even like Top. I thought I wouldn't hear much more about him.] Read all the Tip Top Tuesday posts.

I was so wrong about that guy. I guess he needs a blog name now. I'll call him Dan. Just to be clear, Dan is the man who I said wasn't allowed to like Top. He's also the one who wrote her a poem. He's written more since then. He's had a very useful purpose. He's given her someone to like who isn't even available to be with, so he provides a bit of safety for her emotions. Top saw this as pretty essential.

But things have changed sine he was the safe guy to like. He's still the most relevant guy she's dealt with since things ended with her ex. But he's gone a bit further. He wants to be with her. I'm not even sure how that would work since the reason he's not available is that he has someone else. But nevertheless, it's what he wants. Top is no home wrecker though, so he's not going to walk away from a current situation and then be with her the next day.

The analogy we came up with is that men tend to see her as Toys R Us when she's more of a Chuck E. Cheese. You can play with the games, but all you take home from Chuck E. Cheese are those crappy prizes that aren't worth the money you spent. These men, Dan included, see her as Toys R Us, where you get to take home every toy you opened and played with in the store. If you decide, you can have it all.

But Dan does strike Top as different. In his own way, he's a very worthwhile man for her to have a friendship with. He makes her laugh, and he's actually getting to know her. I don't know how many men those of you who read this blog know, but it's not a common thing. It's not even a man thing; it's a people thing. People tend to want someone they like to fit into their box of expectations. Finding a person who wants to get to know who you are for you without those expectations is very rare.

So for now, Top is enjoying his attention and enjoying the feeling you get from having someone (who is worthwhile) genuinely interested in you. She's enjoying feeling comfortable with him because they're friends.

Gloria's Romantic Monday

***Gloria is a friend of mine I know from church. She is a single mother. She has a boyfriend, Gregory, who we all love and her son's father, Rufus, who we all hate. She is fun-loving and hilarious. Gloria is the type of friend who'd be there for you at a party, when things get tough, or even if you need help applying for school.***

I know what you're thinking, what happened to Melody's Monday? Well, Melody is single and having a bit of a crisis of career planning and family issues. That doesn't leave room for a love life to be discussed. So now I'm talking about Gloria on Monday.

I've found Gloria's love life pretty interesting for quite some time, but I didn't have an open day to talk about her. So I basically made room cause I love hearing about her love life and I think you will too. This post will be just an introduction, and in future posts, I'll talk more specifics.

Gloria is 25 years old. She's been dating Gregory for a while now, and he makes her very happy. He is our favorite guy that has come around because he's dating one of our friends. Michelle, Camille, and Bad have all met him too. We all love him. And he's really into Gloria. They're totally in love. I think she'll be the first one of us to get married.

And then there's Rufus, who we all hate. He is the father of Gloria's son, who just turned 2. Back when Rufus and Gloria first started dating, he seemed like such a good guy. Then when she got pregnant, things started to fall apart. I don't want to take away from him as a father because he's there for his son for the most part. But the way he treats Gloria sucks! And therefore he sucks too.

That's the basic info about Gloria and next week, I'll go into more detail.

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: How To Meet A Worthwhile Man

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***


I was talking to Michelle about my man issues and an accidental text message I sent. She then told me she accidentally IM'd Michael. I was hoping she would have no contact with him any time in the present because he sucks!

So I asked who she meant to IM, and she told me it was only a pseudo accident. And then after she IM'd him, she didn't respond when he wrote back. I find that incredibly amusing. He was sending her messages like, "you there?", and "hey, what's going on?"

It's just nice when a guy who usually acts as if he doesn't at all shows he does. Unfortunately, it's not good enough. He should show that he cares all the time. Is that too hard to ask? I don't think so.

I told Michelle I was taking her on a man hunt because she said she never meets men that are worthwhile when she goes out. I have incredibly good luck when I go out. I haven't been to a party in a very long time where I didn't meet a man except Bad's, Michelle's, and my birthday party.

I'm hoping that if I take Michelle out, we can meet some men. And hopefully two of them are worthwhile. Cause it's about time we dealt with men who I'm not writing a post about just to say they suck.

Camille's Wishful Wednesday: Back, Back, Forth, and Forth

***Camille is a friend of mine I know from church. She is classified on another blog I read as a "hopeless romantic", and I think that describes her pretty well. I also think she's incredibly well-balanced and able to work on multiple parts of herself at once. She is a law student, a Sunday school teacher, and an all-around good person. She has some pretty concrete ideas about men and the type of man she'd like to end up with. But she's doing the in-my-20s-dating-follies thing as well.***

 So after engaging in just-not-that-into-you behavior, Malik is getting better. Last week, Camille was trying to explain to Malik that she was going to have to stop seeing him because he couldn't do the simple things she asked. Things like making time to see her once a week. I can't imagine why that was so hard for him. But when she tried to break things off if he wasn't going to improve.

He immediately improved. Like literally stopped what he was doing and went to see her right then. I'm hoping it lasts past one week. But something really crazy happened in the in-between from him starting to act better and convincing her was going to keep acting better.

Malik sent Camille to a butcher/grocery store to pick up some meat for his dad to barbecue. While she was there, the butcher hit on her and she didn't exactly say no. In fact, she gave him her number. Since that time (only a couple days), he's been engaging in I'm-so-into-you behavior. He's what my friends and I describe as an aggressive man a stalker. What makes him that way? He sent her a pic of him the day they met, and was talking about how much he liked her and how much he knew God had put her in his path for a purpose. Now, I can appreciate God talk or whatever, but that just sounds downright creepy.

She sought out my counsel to get rid of this guy. After having a good laugh and wondering what in the world she was thinking even giving this dude her number, I got the whole story. He also left her this whack voicemail that she forwarded to my phone so I could listen. This guy was saying how he felt like she was meant for him and he really wanted to talk to her because he just knew they would be something special. His only saving grace was his sexy voice. It was all very creepy and over-aggressive.

So I told her to text him, tell him she was involved with someone else and things just moved to the next level (only a slight lie), apologize for even trading numbers with him, and express a need to move on.

Camille doesn't like to be mean to people without a really good reason. And a guy who simply liked her and wanted to get to know her better didn't warrant meanness in her book. I warned her that he wouldn't take a weak push-off well and she had to be firm. I was right.

After she texted things like, "I'm involved with someone, but I appreciate the interest" and "I'm sorry, but we can't talk because I'm talking to someone already", he kept texting back saying they could be friends for now and take things slowly.

I told her be blunt and let him know he had no chance at any type of relationship with her. She finally told him that, and he responded that he respected that, but he would hold onto her number and hold onto hope. That type of response is cute in a rom-com when they're supposed to end up together, but it's really whack and horrible in real life.

So after we got rid of the crazy butcher man (for now), I made Camille promise she wasn't going to share this story with Malik. He also has a stalker person, but I told her that's not something to bond over, and I doubted he would understand why she was picking up men after she told him she wasn't seeing anyone else. So hopefully this time next week, I won't be writing about Malik's response to this situation.

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: There Was Play, Now There's Work (And Some Play Too)

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

Michelle's bday was last Friday and I believe she had a fantastic time! She did have a bit too much to drink, and therefore had to be reminded of some of her night. But it was all fun.

It felt like the end of The Hangover on Sunday. We were at church, eating food after morning service and she pulls out her camera.

She says, we're only going to look at these once, and then we're going to delete the ones that shouldn't ever be seen by anyone. We prepared ourselves for craziness and wild times.

And when we started looking at photos, we realized there was nothing too risque. It was just normal party pics! There were a couple with people dancing, and lots of folks just taking pictures together looking drunk as hell. The few compromising moments I noticed weren't captured on camera. But it's okay, cause I remember them! They were some of the things I had to explain to Michelle about her night, haha.

In the week since her birthday, Michelle has been on study central. She had two midterms yesterday and has another one Monday. But she did go out last night to celebrate being mostly done. She sent me an IM talking about being old enough now to be a cougar. There was some sophomore kid there trying to push up on her. She eventually told him no, but that was more about the fact that he was 5'4" rather than he was 12 years old. Part of me wishes she would have taken his number, if only for the funny story that would come out of a date between the two of them.

By the way, Michael still sucks in my book. He reached out to Michelle a couple days ago as if he hadn't been MIA her entire birthday weekend. She told him his behavior wasn't okay and he did the typical guy thing by playing stupid and acting confused. She says she doesn't think she'll be talking to him for a while. I'd prefer that she doesn't talk to him ever again. But I can't expect behavior I couldn't manage to do myself.

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Go Michelle, It's Your Birthday, Go Michelle, It's Your Birthday!!!

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***


Michelle's Manhunt last weekend down at school didn't provide much blog-worthy story, but she still had fun. But I do have another crazy story. Super Fertile Frat Boy is a dog of unexpected proportions! I mentioned him in a previous T.G.I.Friday post as the guy with the pregnant girlfriend. Either way, since that time, he and Michelle have studied together a few times and he is a big flirt. She had no intentions of getting involved with him, but was enjoying the attention.
 
Then Michelle finds out that Super Fertile Frat Boy is not only flirting with her most days out the week, he's also got the pregnant girlfriend, and he's still talking to his ex. By talking I mean, conversing, flirting, leaving open the possibility for something to develop. World class jerk this guy is! I can't wait for Michelle to graduate from school is this is the best option available to her at the school.
 
Update on Michael, he isn't coming to our birthday party tonight because he SUCKS! It's not like Camille's Malik, who wasn't even invited, this guy should be here. It's Michelle's freaking birthday. If you supposedly want to be with someone and you are in town and not working during the party and you were invited to the party, come to the damn party. Why is that not a no-brainer?!
 
I say, forget those men, I'm going to make sure Michelle has a great time tonight with her real friends. Today is her birthday after all. I'm really looking forward to when she and her sister, and Bad and Jordan, and Camille get on down here to the hotel room we have booked for the night. We will pre-game for our party and she will have the best birthday she's had in years! That is the plan, and I'm sure (very sure) it will turn out that way!

Camille's Wishful Wednesday: Malik Didn't Merit A Party Invite

***Camille is a friend of mine I know from church. She is classified on another blog I read as a "hopeless romantic", and I think that describes her pretty well. I also think she's incredibly well-balanced and able to work on multiple parts of herself at once. She is a law student, a Sunday school teacher, and an all-around good person. She has some pretty concrete ideas about men and the type of man she'd like to end up with. But she's doing the in-my-20s-dating-follies thing as well.***


So Camille didn't invite Malik to Bad's, Michelle's, and my birthday party. Weird, huh? I didn't ask why she didn't invite him. When I asked whether he was coming to our party, it was at the end of a conversation where she had been complaining that he was turning out like the guys before him.
 
I figure she either didn't want to give him the opportunity to disappoint her, or she didn't want to have him come to a party and because they haven't resolved his issues, his mere presence there would ruin her fun. Either way, she'll be at our party, having fun without Malik.
 
What has he been doing to upset Camille so? He's engaging in I'm -Just-Not-That-Into-You behavior. And when Camille called him on his bullshit, he told her how much he liked her and how he was just going through a rough time right now and how he felt sure that they would be okay. It all sounds very familiar. Familiarly bullshitty. I hope he's the one guy who actually means it when he says it though. I can tell Camille likes him, and it would suck for them to not work out. It's so hard to meet a guy in grad school!
 
How Malik Can Suck Less:
1. Make plans with Camille to go out on a date that is outside of his living quarters.
2. Pay for said date.
3. Reach out to contact her more than you currently do.
4. Stop making excuses, just do better.

Tip Top Tuesday: Being Fearless Is The Goal

***My girl Top is unique and one-of-a-kind. This makes the story of her love life especially interesting. Just when you think you've got her figured, she makes an unexpected move. She's my career-minded friend who's always focused on self-improvement. She's also super-independent yet a closet nurturer. Read and learn how to be fabulous.***

Top is a person that I would describe as fearless. Her mother would also describe her that way. I think a lot of people would describe her that way, but everyone doesn't know her nearly as well as we do, so our opinion counts more.

The one thing she isn't completely fearless in is love. She used to be. I think it could be said that she wasn't fearless because she wasn't dying to marry the man she had been dating and in love with for five years. But those people would be wrong. Top has always been self-aware and she doesn't feel the same way most women traditionally feel about marriage. Being honest with herself about how she feels about marriage takes bravery I think. It's too easy to succumb to what others think is best for you.

Since she and this man broke up, things have been different. She's been having very few emotions when it comes to men. It was as if she had changed from who she used to be and she knew she wasn't ever going to be that person again. But Top is no victim. My vision of her is not that she's broken somehow and needs to be put back together. I agree with her mother's assessment. She'll be an even better version of herself once she's completely fearless.

She's been through a lot and she's bouncing back soon to be better than ever. I'm looking forward to the fearless-in-love Top that will match the fearless-in-everything-else Top. And I don't think she's that far away.

Michelle's T.G.I.Fridays: Funny-acting Man Leads To A Manhunt

***Michelle is a girl that grew up next door to me and we attended the same church. Now she's in her early 20s and living the single life. She goes on these dates that are either lovely or horrific. She's slightly terrified at the thought of committing to someone any time soon. And of course, she has the occasional man who really catches her eye and her heart.***

In the last post, I wrote about how Michael stood Michelle up the last time she was in town. Now I hear he's not coming to our birthday party because he's either got an early morning the next day or something that night. This sucks because anyone who's ever dated a Libra knows how important birthdays are to us. You make exceptions and fix your schedule to be with a Libra on their birthday and you are in! But Michael apparently isn't concerned about that.

Michelle said she's not dwelling on it. It's not like they had an argument or a falling out, he's just "funny-acting". That means that he's hot then he's cold, he's yes then he's no, he's in then he's out, he's up then he's down. She doesn't need this crap from him. But in true Libra style, he's not been told to fuck off and likely won't be until she has a reasonable replacement for him. Why are Libra women like that (and the men too if I look at Bad's behavior over the years before he and Jordan were a couple)? I don't know, we just are.

So Michelle and one of her friends at school have come up with a plan to find a new man to replace the funny-acting one. They're going on a manhunt this weekend. She lives in a town that doesn't have much besides her school so it should make for a funny story if nothing else.

Michelle said this. "It should be interesting, everybody who's available is underclassman or hoe." My response was, "so you're going searching for two guys who aren't 12 or diseased? That is so going in my blog!" Just to clarify, I refer to anyone who's too young to date as being 12 years old. And I assume anyone who sleeps around with reckless abandon is probably diseased but hopefully with the curable stuff.

So I'm looking forward to being able to post next Friday about the results of her manhunt. And the hopeless romantic part of me is also hoping that Michael changes his mind about coming to our birthday party. Who cares if you have an early morning, just don't go out the next night too, duh!