Focus on Me Friday: The Baseball Game Was Such A Success

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

So, Sunday was such a success. I've been dying to blog about it, but I decided to wait until it was my day on this blog so I'd actually have something to blog about.

PT was late getting to the stadium on Sunday. I thought that might annoy my mother, but luckily it didn't. My father got us not only great game tickets, but passes to the Stadium Club as well. I'm not sure how that translates to other stadiums, but if you've ever had pleasure, you know how nice it is.

The best part about it was PT got to sit and dine with my parents and I and talk without the baseball game interrupting the conversation. They seemed to get along pretty well. He and my father have a very compatible sense of humor and he's very respectful. My parents were both smiling a lot. And the only one of his tattoos that showed was the Alpha Sphinx, so they couldn't be mad at that. My father is an Alpha too.

At the game, PT and my father begin tag teaming and heckling the other team, which was the Florida Marlins. I didn't know whether to fall over laughing because everything they said was so funny or feel embarrassed because everything they said was so loud. Normally it wouldn't matter, but we were soooo close. Literally, they would heckle the guy and he could hear every word. When he turned around, I was like, "oh he has beautiful gray eyes with specks of green in them." Seriously, we were close.

PT starts picking on the one guy who's kind of small compared to the rest of the Florida Marlins. This guy, Cody Ross, also happens to have a great sense of humor. And every time PT said something that made him laugh aloud, he'd go and hit a home run. This Ross guy doubled his home runs so far for the season in this game. By the third inning we were down 7 runs, so PT switched from heckling to begging them to stop doing well.

At one point, he suggested the Marlins take the Sox pitcher out to dinner as thanks for the game. He suggested Morton's. At this point, everyone around us was turning to see who had a comment every five seconds. My nervousness quickly faded when it was apparent they were all laughing. Then a foul ball was hit our way while Ross was waiting to go up to bat. PT called out to him to throw him the ball and he did! PT was sooo excited, like a little kid. Then he turns and there's this little cute blond kid with an over sized jersey on looking up at him like that cat off of Shrek 2. Clearly, he wanted PT to give him the ball. He looks down at the little kid and says, "I'm sorry."

We were all amused and/or appalled. Then PT explained that he'd been going to games since he was that kid's age and this was his first ball, and he would try and get the next one for the kid. Luckily, right then another foul ball came our way and the little kid got it. It was crazy, but also funny. I can excuse such behavior cause I know how PT is about his sports and he's the kind of guy who would pull to the side of the road to help a stranger who had just been in a car accident (I was on the phone with him when he did it before).

By the ninth inning, he had everyone loving Ross. He was talking about putting him on his fantasy baseball team, yelling "you're my boy, Blue!", and having people cheer Ross' double even though it was against the Sox. I told him he was such a turncoat and he was turning our whole section into traitors.

Then the Marlins coach took Ross out to let another guy bat. After all, it was the 9th inning and they were up 13-0. Next thing I know, I was boo-ing very loudly, along with the entire section we were sitting in! Apparently, I'm also a turncoat, lol. But we were upset they took Ross out. It was so hilarious.

PT had all of us wait at the end of the game so he could get Ross to sign his ball and take a picture with him. His smile is so big in the picture, he looks like a little kid.

I know this is Focus on Me Friday, not Focus on PT Friday. But this was such an amazing story. My parents have met many guys of mine over the years, but never had it gone so well. My mother talked the whole way home about how funny, fun, and nice PT was. At the game, my dad even high fived him at one point. I never knew it was possible for them to enjoy someone they knew I was dating that much. So, for me, it was such an amazing time and now the bar has been set really high. If things don't work out with PT, I may never introduce them to someone else until I have a ring on, lol.

Sonny's Sunday: He Bought A Ring!

***Sonny is a great friend of mine and he and his future wife, Cher, are my stable adult friends. They just bought a house and are getting married soon. They'll probably also be the first to have children in a stable relationship. The story of Sonny's love life is pretty exciting to me because he's living the dream, you know, just living the dream.***

I wanted to say, "he went to Jared" like the commercial. Except Jared has high prices and terrible customer service. So, we went to Rogers & Hollands. And the ring is just fabulous!!

I was so pleased he even asked me to go with him. I'm his friend more than I am Cher's. I've been living outside of Chicago the entire time they've been dating, so I never got a chance to get close to her. But I get her style and I have a good eye for jewelry that matches a person. So, I joined him.

The sales lady gave us a hard pitch that kind of pissed me off. That is, until I took a good look at the ring she wanted us to buy and about fell over with joy at it's splendor! It was so beautiful!

I don't want to go into too much detail because she knows I have a blog and may have found her way to it if Sonny has told her I write about them. I told him to wait until he proposed because I don't want the surprise to be ruined. But stay tuned for the story of how he proposed (and  pic of the ring!) in an upcoming post.

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: The Due Date Is Getting Closer

***Noni is one of my really good friends from college. She's starting a family with a baby boy and working on herself and her relationships at the same time. Things won't always be easy, but they're usually always interesting.***

Noni definitely holds the title of the first of my friends to reproduce. There are other people close to me who have children, such as my god-sister who I grew up with because our dads are best friends. But Noni is different. She was one of my closest friends during college and we went through a lot together.

All my people have their place. Sonny is my "building a stable adult life" friend. Melody is my "little sister repeating my own experiences" friend. Top is my "single, independent, and young-in-the-city" friend. Lion is my "balancing career planning and dating" friend. Bad is my "reformed bachelor" friend. And Noni is my "working on being a mommy and having a relationship at the same time" friend.

Noni is the dreamer, the one who I would play, "In A Perfect World" with. We would imagine what would be different about our lives at exactly that moment if it were what we considered perfect. We should've written it down because it changed over time (obviously) and it would've been nice to look back on the changes.


But as she prepares for the arrival of her son, things suddenly feel more real to her. She's been talking about wanting a baby since I first met her. She's definitely the mothering type. I don't think she intended on having her son at this time in her life, but I know she'll make a good mother. And I know Eric will make a good father. I just hope they can work out doing it together instead of apart.

Focus on Me Friday: I'm Not Spontaneous, Just A Hedonist

***If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.***

This post is inspired by a post by Wombat. It made me think about how I definitely have some sweep-a-person-off-their-feet tendencies. Sometimes it's on purpose, sometimes it's not.

I don't really consider myself a spontaneous person so much as a go-with-the-flow hedonist. I feel like spontaneous people get bored or restless if things are too planned and that's never me. So, we've established I'm not spontaneous. But for some reason, I spontaneously suggested to PT that I go over his house last night just to give him a massage.

Yes, you read that right. I suggested it. We were talking earlier about his day. It was a mostly good day, but shortly after the end of the actual school day, there was an issue he had to take care of that caused him no small amount of stress. I had just come from a meeting and was feeling pretty wired myself. So when he finally got home at like 10pm, I offered to come give him a massage. Don't know why, the only thing I can think of is my tendency to try and sweep people off their feet.

Seriously, who does crap like this? Certainly no one I know. Of course, PT agreed to let me come over. Cause who's gonna turn that down? So even though I was good and in for the night, I headed over there. I told him I couldn't spend the night because I had to be up at the ass-crack of dawn to take my grandmother to the doctor.

But I decided to just stop kicking myself for texting before thinking and go over there and enjoy his company. We just laid on his bed and talked about our days. I kinda wish I could do that every night. No, I really with I could do that every night. It just feels good to have someone to talk about all that stuff with. I don't know why, but it's different talking to PT than it is talking to friends or family.

And then I gave him a massage. His shoulders were so tense and his neck was really stiff. But about 15 minutes later, he was very relaxed. You could visibly see the difference. That made me very happy just to make him feel better. And then he turned to me and said, "thanks so much for that baby. Now what can I do for you?"

With responses like that, it's no wonder I like being around him. I can tell because of little things. For instance, he likes rubbing my feet. Not in a foot fetish kind of way, but in a they're-attached-to-your-body-and-as-my-hands-roam-they-invariably-land-there-too kind of way. Normally, I recoil from that, but with PT, I just let it happen. When he touches me, it doesn't tickle, it feels good. Always a good sign.

Big Bad Thursday: Nesting, The Guy Version

***Big Bad Thursday is all about Bad. He's one of my best friends and was supposed to be a charming, if commitment-phobic bachelor. He finally realized that a wonderful woman he already had in his life was worth giving up bachelor-hood. So now Bad and Jordan are in love and working towards building a life together.***

Bad ordered a bed a couple of weeks ago. It came yesterday. Usually when things like this happen, he freaks out a bit. He has a, "am I really doing this?" moment, but then he gets better again. Usually, it takes talking to Jordan and seeing she's just as hesitant about things to calm him down.

But this time, it was just all excitement. He's not doing a full-blown nesting, but he's doing a macho guy version of it. He must feel he's allowed to be nothing except excited because the bed means he can stop sleeping on the air mattress, lol. It's such a lovely bed. Dark wood, it fits them.

I'm probably the most anxious of the three of them for them to just pick a move-in date. Hell, I'd drive down to St. Louis with him to help her move up here. Her coming here would make a big change in how much he and I hang out, it's a natural change to be expected. I'm hoping she and I can be good friends too so it won't much matter. Jordan and Bad on the other hand seem to both be cool. Now that they have a definite apartment, there seems to be no rush about setting a move-in date. They're probably right about waiting until she hears from grad schools and decides on a place. But still, I'm so anxious. I want to see him co-habitating with someone. I think it'll be quite the sight to see.

Tip Top Tuesday: Top Is Single And Loving It

If anyone can pull off being completely single and make it look fabulous, it's Top. She's a very pretty woman who carries herself in such a way that attracts a lot of attention from men. I wonder if that's why she's been so good at weeding through the masses to find a good guy somewhere in there. And she's never afraid to let a guy go once he's not good anymore.

So Top is still officially happy being single. I'm also pretty sure that if she met a guy who tried to sweep her off her feet, he would be in for quite a surprise. Most men seem to think that single woman who say they prefer to be that way for whatever reason or whatever time period are really just saying that in an effort to entice a man pull a Hitch and "try harder stupid."

After the whole deal with Jack, I'm betting she moves extra slow with whoever comes next. Top is a unique woman in that she's not a fan of dating. I love the idea of going out to dinner with someone to get to know them or hanging out at a bar or whatever. Top likes these things too, but not in the casual dating type of way. She prefers things to be more organic and dating to her seems too forced to feel natural. I can kind of understand that, and I hope I am actually correct on what she told me as the reasons why dating isn't her thing.

About that guy from college she's been talking to, she seems to be liking him a bit, but he's still breaking cardinal rule number one by being in a different state. I wonder what would happen if she met a guy who had good potential who lived in NYC... Hopefully he'd have the patience to wait until she was over her non-dating thing. Or hopefully he'd be okay with a more casual thing. Top hasn't sworn off men etc., she's just done away with dating. So I guess there's wiggle room there for other types of interactions.

Stay tuned next week to hear if guy from college has decided to turn stalker and move to NYC for her. NOTE: a boyfriend of a friend of Top's did that, so I shouldn't call such behavior stalker-ish. Oh actually, I should. Just cause that worked for that woman doesn't mean it would freak me out any less if some guy did that to Top.

Melody's Monday: They're Learning How Difficult It Is To Mix Friends

I know everyone didn't go to college, but everyone passed by age 19 at some point. If you were trying to date anyone exclusively, if not seriously, you probably had this notion that your lives could end up perfectly if everything you wanted magically fell into place.

A person who's 19 thinks half like a teenager and half like a young-20s person. Either way isn't particularly clear (at least me and my friends weren't amazing at sorting out intricacies of relationships at that age). Melody is in the midst of spending a lot of time with Tweety's friends because she wants to be around him and the friends come as a package deal. They aren't her kind of people though.

She's never been a girl to worry too much about clothing or appearance. Coming from such a large family, focusing on fashion had no place in their finances. But Melody is such a pretty girl who genetically and healthily ended up with an amazing body. She could wear a burlap sack and still look good. But now she spends so much time around girls who are obsessed with clothing. Tweety isn't actually much better. She told me he once talked for thirty minutes about how a pair of shoes could work with different outfits of his.

I like those types of conversations, so she had to explain to me how that was out of the ordinary for her and something to get used to. Once I got it, I was amused because it seemed like she was sticking with a guy (yet again) who had some obvious traits that didn't match with what she wanted.

But I gotta hand it to baby girl. She's got some maturity when it comes to relationships. At her age, I would bail for the smallest reasons. I just stopped that shit about two years ago. I still want to bail, I just fight the urge. But she's a ride out kind of girl. I guess I can appreciate that because she is still so young and can afford to give a guy a bit more time to wait and be sure if what she thinks she wants is actually what she wants.

Sonny's Sunday: An Introduction

I've decided to round out my seven day a week posts with a 7th person. How will I ever keep this straight you ask?? Well instead of being haphazard about it, each person gets a day. That's why I changed the blog's name. Now only 1/7th of the blog is my love life. It's more a medley because it's the love lives of my close friends too.

Quick back story: I met this friend who I'll call Sonny on this blog back in 1994. We got along pretty good and so I was pleased when he ended up at the next two schools I attended. We haven't always kept in constant touch over the years, but when we did catch up, it was like no time had passed and we were still as close. His advice was probably the one that meant the most to me when I was dealing with breaking up with the Ex. And let me just say, his current woman, who I'll of course call Cher. I know what you're thinking: CeCe is being incredibly creative with these two names. But if you met them, you'd get it. They're not exactly about to go on tour with music, but they do look so cute together, you wouldn't be surprised if they burst into song singing, "I got you babe."

Either way, what makes Sonny and Cher interesting blog material is they provide something none of my friends have so far. They just bought a house. I spent about 5 hours there tonight catching up with them. They are so funny and so sweet. They're settling into co-habitation and all that brings.

For instance, since moving in, they haven't spent much time apart from each other. Most healthy couples need some time apart to miss each other and continue that drive to want to be around each other. Sonny mentioned that they don't have a lot of apart time, but like the loyal boyfriend he is, didn't even mention that it might be an issue.

So, I'm looking forward to seeing their adventures in the coming weeks/months. And to thinly veil what I'm dying to talk about: I'm going shopping with Sonny next week for something he wants to take on the cruise he and Cher are going on at the end of the month. Any guesses for what he's going to buy?

Noni's Stargazing Saturday: A Baby Shower!

Noni's baby shower is today. I'm really exctited for her and super pissed that I'm not going to be there. Noni is my girl from college and she's been living in Florida ever since her mother brought her to America from Jamaica.

I was all set to buy my plane ticket to go for the shower. But then the details got fuzzy about the shower planning. And then I turned my life upside down by leaving medical school, making the prospect of spending hundreds of dollars on a trip to Florida sound like a bad idea.

But I did speak with her to explain. And I'm excited to hear how it goes after hand. I'm a bit worried though because of the tenuous relationship her and her boyfriend currently have. Stressful events like baby showers where family members and friends all gather around to discuss your fast approaching future can bring out the worst in some people (like my brother, but that's a story for another day). So, hopefully tomorrow Noni won't be sitting there wishing evil things on whoever forces her to wear a paper plate covered with fancy wrapping paper bows.

Hopefully Noni, big and pregnant, will be glad to spend time eating Swedish meatballs and hot wings. Her baby lets her eat hot wings! Best fetus ever. Hopefully Eric (that's the boyfriend) will be happy and participate in the day like a good daddy.

I just really want things to work out for her so her baby boy that will be here next month will be born into a happy family unit. I hope that's not asking too much.

I'm Entering A Blog Makeover Contest

Kaye is doing a makeover for my main blog. She is now doing a blog makeover giveaway and I'm hoping I can with that so I can get this blog a makeover too!



If you want to sign up, go ahead. But also, wish me luck because I love her blog designs!

Focus on Me Friday: Light Has Resurfaced

If ever one wonders why I feel like my life could be a movie (or better yet a sitcom), it's because stuff keeps happening that seems like it could be written for storyline purposes.

A group of my friends from college all went to Vegas last weekend just to hang out and catch up. I didn't go and didn't plan on going because I was supposed to be studying for Step 1 at this point in life when they were planning the trip. But while they were there, I texted one of them to have him inform the rest that I had withdrawn from medical school. Light, my boyfriend from junior and senior year of college was on that trip.

He texted me after he got back to inquire further about my decision. This has led to a series of e-mails where we've caught up on each other's lives. He was going out of his way to express that he knew he didn't have a right to opinionate all over me his feelings on my recent choice, but I responded as if his opinions were valid and that seemed to please him that he's a real person, not just an ex (or soemthing like that). By the way, Southern Sage, he's not a vegetarian anymore. But I digress.

What he is now is the person I've always wanted him to be. He's not lazy and complacent. He's still the same sweet guy, but he's ambitious now. He does volunteer work with an organization I've been dying to get involved with (I'll mention it in some future Working On My Hobbies Wednesday post on my main blog). He's trained as a masseuse and personal trainer. He has a real job that can become a career and wants to get a graduate degree.

Needless to say, I'm scratching my head and trying to remember why I decided he didn't have untapped potential. The unfortunate thing is that I feel like had we never broken up, he would still be doing the complacency thing. He was talking crazy back then about being a dad with "just a job" with the doctor for a wife. That shit just wasn't gonna work for me, I need a career man.

But, we haven't done the typical thing that exes do. Neither of us have tried, casually or not, to inquire if the other is seeing someone. I think we could be good friends, maybe. He's just such a wonderful person now. He's someone I could really admire for the contribution he's making to the world around him.

And also, I'm really looking forward to seeing SATC 2 now to see where Carrie goes next with Aidan. Since, Light is my Aidan after all. I don't know why it's usually a big thing when an ex pops up, but it is, at least to me.

Re-organizing This Blog

I like writing about my love life and my friends love life. But I need to re-organize this blog so it doesn't feel so haphazard to me. The obvious solution is to make days.

So, I write about myself, Top, Bad, Lion, Noni, and Melody. If I split myself into a present day and a past day, that makes 7! I hadn't realized that. So each day of the week will be assigned to a person's story.

Retrospective Sunday- this will be my day to talk about past relationships and dating experiences.
Melody's Monday- this will be my day to talk about my little sister Melody and her lovely college dating follies.
Tip Top Tuesday- this will be my day to talk about independent Top's current "not-dating situation and (I hope) her eventual journey back to the land of dating.
Lion's Life Wednesday- this will be my day to talk about future doctor Lion. Med school takes up so much of his time, but certainly between the past and the present, I can find enough stuff for a weekly post.
Big Bad Thursday- this will be my day to talk about Bad. He seemed destined to be an eternal bachelor, but now he finds himself in love with a wonderful girl, so this will be an exploration of his new destiny.
Focus on Me Friday- this will be my day to talk about what's currently going on in my love life.
Noni's Stargazing Saturday- this will be my day to talk about my hopeless romantic friend Noni. She's dealing with a tumultuous relationship and a pregnancy at the same time. Should be interesting stuff I think.

And of course I'll need a new title since this blog is about way more than just my love life. I'm thinking "My Life's Love Medley". What do you think?

UPDATE!!! I've just re-connected with my friend from elementary, midde, and high school. His love life will be waaaayyy more interesting that retrospective stories about me. So, Sunday will now be Sonny's Sunday!

Top Isn't Dating, But She Is "Talking"

I don't know if you are familiar with the phrase "talking", but it refers to two people who have an interest in each other geting to know each other. There is a lot of time spent on the phone, maybe in person as well. It's a step below dating. And when you're "talking" to someone, there's no expectation of exclusivity, nor is there any formal allotment for jealousy for anyone with a higher title. For example, if you're talking to someone, you can be mad if they start talking to someone else, but not mad if they start dating someone else. Or something like that. I prefer to just outright date someone. But whatever.

I mentioned is some previous post how Top has been speaking on the phone to this guy we went to college with. Well, she's starting to kind of like him. I immediately got worried because of two reasons: he's the marrying type, and he lives in a different state.

She's against marriage right now (I hope that changes. She'd make a great wife and mother) and she's also against dating someone long distance. But yet, she likes this guy. And they've been speaking more frequently. But then I had to reming myself that Top isn't like most women. She doens't set some rules for herself and then turn around and break them just because she's found someone who may be worth it.

This guy would have to move to New York if he wanted a real shot at her, and even that might kill his chances. He just finished grad school and is looking to settle down somewhere new. But if he were to try to go to NYC without a good reason to be there besides Top, it would turn her off so fast that he would be left with his head spinning. She's definitely a tough cookie to crack, but that's what makes her awesome. She would never end up with a loser who would try to take advantage of her.

PT Update: He has decided to go to the game with us. Should be interesting... And we haven't heard back from the family friends yet on whether they're coming. If they aren't we'll see about if his daughter will join us.

Why I'm Afraid To Be Out In Public With PT's Daughter

To fully understand this, you must get two stories. 1) The first time I met PT's daughter. 2) How she might end up at the baseball game with us.

1) The first time I met PT's daughter was when I spent the night at his house but was out with friends and so I didn't get to his place until she was asleep. I planned on leaving before she woke up because we hadn't discussed me spending time with the daughter, but she woke up early. She called for PT and he went and got her and then brought her into his bedroom.

She quickly climbed into my lap, started playing with my hair, and called me Mommy. You read that right. A three year old I'd never met called me Mommy. All kinds of questions started going through my head. 1. Does she call everybody mommy? 2. What kind of three year old doesn't know her mother when she sees (or doesn't see) her? 3. Has the mother been in this bed he didn't buy until after the divorce in the house he didn't move into until after we started dating?? 4. Why has time passed and neither he nor I have actually acknowledged that she is calling me Mommy? 5. Should I tell her I'm not her mom? 6. What will her reaction be?

What did I choose to do? I just sat there watching cartoons with her and then took her to the potty and to get some chocolate milk. And then when PT distracted her, I left. It was the strangest situation ever! And after PT telling me later that no I am not his ex-wife's doppelganger, and that the daughter does indeed call women Mommy (still WTF, she's 3!), and no mommy hasn't been in his bed, I decided to just let it go. Since then, I haven't spent a ton of time around his daughter and so I'm a bit nervous that she could call me Mommy in front of my grandkids-thirsty parents and open up a can of worms I'm not yet ready to deal with.

2) I figured it would be my parents, this couple who are close family friends, and then PT and I using the six tickets for the game. My parents have assumed his daughter will be joining us and have already mentally uninvited said family friends (who've been pussy footing about confirming because the game is on a Sunday). I cannot believe that my parents want to use and expensive front row ticket and club pass on a three year old. Don't get me wrong, I would. But I've already bought his daughter DVDs, dolls, and other assorted toys. I'm invested in him and invested in his daughter. My parents don't know either of them. And they like kids a lot, but I've never seen them volunteer to bring a small person out to a ball game before.

Either way, I'm going to hold off on asking PT to bring his daughter to the game until we know for sure that our family friends aren't going to join us. I'd hate to invite her and then have to uninvite her.

PT May Finally Meet My Family

In an effort to yet further avoid explaining how the Ex is like Berger, I'm going to write about PT. If you watched SATC, you know how much Berger sucked for Carrie. And besides, talking about PT, who is still (for the most part) full of potential will make me happy as I try and avoid thinking about my post on my regular blog.

I've been encourage by some folks who read this blog to stick with making my own rules, especially when it comes to PT. On furthe review, it seems I have been doing that, but could do more. The perfect example of this is that PT hasn't met my family yet. Usually, when I begin dating a guy, the first thing I do is have him meet my family. But I've wanted to keep PT all to myself. If I'm honest, I know part of it is because he's not my parents' perfect idea of the type of guy I should be with. He's older, divorced, has a child, etc. But I think it was more about wanting to get to know him. He's the first guy I've dated in a looooong time who I hadn't known for literally years before we started dating.

So how do I choose to finally let them meet? A nice at home dinner? Nope. A dinner out? Nope. Maybe an event somewhere that still allows for that type of environment? Nope. We're going to a baseball game. My family occasionally goes to baseball games. We're sports people and we like hanging out together. PT occasionally goes to baseball games. He likes sports and he likes going places and doing things. Today my parents were bringing up how they still haven't met PT and are wondering about that at the same time they were bringing up the fact that my dad still hasn't found six people to go to this baseball game he got front row tickets and club passes for. So, when I asked if they wanted me to invite PT, they were like, "oh sure, well, you know, we don't mind. I mean if you want to it's totally fine with us. I mean, yeah, why not?" Real subtle folks.

So I picked up my phone to call him, saw that I had missed a call from him (stupid phone on silent!), called him back and of course got the voice mail. I have a very loving, committed relationship with PT's voicemail. So I sent a text with the info and he was all for it, but not sure that he's free since it is a few weeks away. When I speak to him, I need to stress how expensive the tickets are and how judgemental my parents can be which are both good reasons to not cancel on us if he accepts.

Should be interesting. But there are more reasons why it's interesting, which I will drag out into another blog post tomorrow to yet again avoid discussing the Ex!

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 3

So Bad is my Big, Light is my Aidan. I've explained those two. I still have to explain how PT is the Russian and the Ex is Berger. I think I'll go for PT. I need some more time to think about what to say about the Ex because every time I mention him, I feel I sound far to bitter to be claiming relationship-worthy healthiness.

Carrie met the Russian when she wasn't expecting to meet anyone. SIDE NOTE: In that episode, she was seeing a performance art show that still tours around the US and other countries and Top's roommate went through a harrowing ordeal when asked to travel to Canada to be a part of the show. I'll tell that story one day. SIDE NOTE ENDED. I met PT when I wasn't expecting to meet anyone. In fact, he approached me with quite the same swagger the Russian had. And if you replace Carrie's Charlotte with my Bad (as a friend, not as Big), it was a very similar scenario.

The Russian was an older man who showed Carrie romance and treated her nicer than she'd remembered being treated in a while. While PT and I have a much smaller age difference, our age difference is augmented by the fact that we're in such different places in life. But like Carrie, I don't mind because I'm too busy enjoying PT's company.

There are a few differences. First, unlike Carrie, I wouldn't cancel on my girlfriends to stay with my guy, I'd just end a night out with Bad early. Second, PT is so romantic that I'll faint in the street because of it, he's just a little over the top with the PDA and so far, I think I'm dealing rather well with it so far. Also, the Russian didn't want to have children, he was super old. But even though PT has been married and already has a little girl, he wants to be married again one day and continue to grow his family.

Oh the biggest similarity. The Russian did very important work (he was a famous artist) that consumed a very large portion of his life. Carrie got left out quite a bit and tried her very hardest to be understanding. PT is the same way, except it's education not art. Carrie and the Russian eventually broke up because of it. And seeing as how my life isn't like hers exactly and I don't have a Big coming to rescue me from unhappiness with the Russian, I'd like my story with my "Russian" to turn out better, you know?

Women's Rules Of Insecurity

I like to think of myself as a self-aware person who pays attention to who I am as a person. But in writing this blog, I've shined a bigger spotlight on myself and I've noticed some things that seem to be out of the ordinary compared to most women. For instance, I spent the night with PT on Thursday. And I haven't spoken to him since then. I usually don't speak to him a lot on the weekends because he's so busy with his daughter and has finally learned his lesson about keeping his phone out.

Most women have a rule about how much time is supposed to pass between seeing a guy and hearing from him again. By my title, I think you can surmise how I feel about those rules... But even if I did believe those rules, it's so hard to apply them to PT>

He's broken his phone at least 5 times since I met him six months ago, and each time is usually accompanied by some story involving his daughter. The poist is that now, he tries not to keep it so close by because it seems drawn to liquids and sharp corners when she's around. (My theory is that he's the clumsy one, but it's convenient to blame the three year old, lol).

Back to the main point though. I haven't spoken to PT outside of texting since Thursday and I'm not bothered by it. If another three days pass and I dont actually converse with him, I may get upset, but for now I'm good. And aren't women supposed to be upset if a man doesn't call the next day after a date? Or isn't there some sort of three day rule? I don't know these things. I used to have friends who acted like typical women, but I got rid of them. I don't like emotional drama in high quantities. But shouldn't there be some sort of insecurity or something popping up?

Perhaps it's because we're not some official couple with demands and responsibilities. Or perhaps it's because the last time I saw him, he confirmed that he had indeed promised me the world. Or perhaps it's because I'm just so cool and calm that things don't faze me.

I think it's pretty clear it's not the third one, lol. Probably it's the first, but who can know for sure until one's over-analyzed it until it's almost lost all meaning?

Bad & Jordan Update: She came in this weekend so see their apartment. I don't know if she likes it or loves it or has picked a definite move in date. I don't know this because I haven't heard from him all weekend. Bad is not a neglectful friend, so I imagine they're christening every inch of the apartment and she's helping start the decoration process. I"m glad I haven't heard from him. That has to mean things are going very well. Should be a good story coming soon!

He Promised Me The World

That really happened. It sounded like a line right out of the most stereotypical romantic comedy. It was sweet and funny and very much fit who PT and I are together. He said, "even though they're taking forever making our pizza, at least we're out, in the world. I did promise you the world. And here we at, at Beggars." I wish I had been more outside my head because I would've responded something like, "The world, huh? Well, this is a start, I happen to love pizza." But instead, I started laughing and said, "that sounds like a line right out of the cheesiest romanic comedy!"

I don't know if PT knows me well enough to know that that was more of an ironic compliment than anything else. I love romantic comedies. That moment in He's Just Not That Into You were Justin Long tells Ginnifer Goodwin, "You are my exception" always makes me melt. But PT probably thought I was making fun of him. I wasn't though, not like the night before last when he produced the world's worst British accent. Seriously, it was bad. If it sounded like anything, it sounded Scottish. Just awful stuff.

But basically, last night went very well. PT filled his craving for PDA. He practically put his hands down my pants in the middle of the restaurant. While I'm not for all the hand holding and making out in public, it was hot. He did a lot of talking about how brave he thought I was being with the whole med school withdrawal thing. He brought up marriage (more specifically weddings) which kind of surprised me. I would think a guy who hasn't even been divorced for three Christmases would not be in a rush to talk about such things. But in his defense, it was mostly in a general way that he was discussing it.

There is just an ease between us that I love. I like talking to him about his day and mine. I love talking to him about sports, current events, our families, our individual plans for the future, etc. He makes me laugh and he makes me think, and he so sexy. Such a lovely combination. If only this feeling could last. But probably this time next week, I'll be lamenting how busy he is.

For now, I'll just enjoy the wonderful feeling of a night out with a man who I'm quite taken with.

If Only I Could Be As Understanding As I Try To Appear...

...then maybe I wouldn't be stressing about today. PT has work, then he's going to look for places (he's moving again). And then after that, we're supposed to go out. I have this fear that something will come up and he wil cancel on me and I'll feel like a fool for staying in Chicago for another day. And I feel bad for those who read my blog because now you're subject to these worries as well. Sorry.

I'll update this post later if when we go out. I need to re-read my previous posts so I can remember that feeling of not wanting to put all my eggs in one basket. Should that feeling really be taken back just because we had one good evening together? My logic says no. But the rest of me...

UPDATE: We actually did go out and had a very nice time. I didn't even get back to my parents house until about two hours ago. I will write today's post about it.

I Think I'm A Romantic Pushover

I called PT while I was driving from my grandmother's house back to my parents house. I was headed there to pack up my things to head back to Rockford. After not seeing PT at all the entire time I was in Chicago, I figured I could at least call one last time to tell him I was leaving. And also possibly, "You suck" and "I'm not doing this anymore".

He actually answered the phone, which surprised me. I didn't expect it. He's just always so busy, I was prepared to get a text sometime after I got back to Rockford saying how he was sad he missed me while in town and he'd try and see me next time. But he answers, "Hey baby! How are you! It's so loud in here, can you hear me?" He was at a Cinco de Mayo celebration with his co-workers and had just gotten a replacement phone. The man goes through a lot of cell phones. Occupational hazard of constantly being around a three year old I guess.

So he proceeds to convince me to come see him before I head back to Rockford. I agree because after all, I really do want to see him. On my drive to his house (once he left the celebration), I was going over in my head how I would explain to him that we/us/whatever describes PT and me wasn't working for me and we had to change the current situation in one way or another. But I get to his house and I say nothing except, "how was your day?"

I was upset with my constant need to be this understanding person who never asks more from a person than they can give. I do understand that he's sooo busy, but that doesn't change how much it sucks for me. I figured that after we settled into watching the Spurs-Suns game and caught up on enjoying each other's company then I'd bring it up. I was berating myself for being such a punk.

Then PT suggested we hang out tomorrow. He asked me to stay another day before going back to Rockford. He suggested we go out to dinner. He said he felt like since Christmas we were always rushed when spending time together because there was always something going on or coming up soon that required one of our attention (mostly him). He said he felt bad because he knew it was mostly his fault and I deserved better. He said he appreciated how understanding I've been and noted that most women wouldn't do so and how much it meant to him that I wasn't trying to guilt trip him about things. He said that he knew he was going to stay a busy person but he would do a better job of making the most of the free time he did have.

I sat there just in a daze. It was very much like a movie where the guy says everything you want to hear. I was smiling so big in spite of myself. There was a part of me that still remembered how frustrated I've been the last couple of months weeks. But how could I stay mad in the face of that full blown apology/responsibility acceptance? I know things won't magically be better tomorrow, but this will be the first time we've seen each other two days in a row.

I did notice something else that has me worried. Ever since the ordeal with the Ex, I've been purposely taking things slow emotionally. Not in terms of letting myself like a person, but letting myself have that feeling of intimacy and passion towards a person that just makes you want to be in their space breathing in their scent (I don't know if that makes sense). But when PT hugged and kissed me before I left his house tonight, for the first time I actually tried to let go and just enjoy the feel of being in his arms without overthinking it. I was feeling that feeling of being into someone without self-control holding parts back for about three seconds before I freaked out and pulled back. Apparently the ordeal with the Ex affected me more than I thought. I'm kind of terrified of letting myself have that interaction with someone again, even someone as great as PT. I just hope that's more about my uncertainty of my future with PT than a generalized anxiety and woundedness. Cause having that kind of emotional baggage would really suck.

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 2

So, my Aidan is Light. I've only mentioned Light briefly in this blog, mostly as an introduction of how I met Lion's girlfriend Rudy. But we were in the same group of friends during sophomore year of college. Literally the first week of junior year, he approached me and asked if I might be interested in dating him. I appreciated his approach and wasn't really interested, but I figured I'd give him a chance.

Aidan and Carrie had a lovely romance where he wanted to wait and not have sex. He wanted to them to have romance first. This didn't sit well with Carrie until she remembered that it was okay that she not rush into things for once. It was the same with Light and me. He wanted to take things slow and have this really traditional courtship. I think we waited two whole months before we got physical.

Aidan decided pretty early on that he would be very happy settling down with Carrie. He wanted a family, children, some property, etc. Light was the same way. He decided very early on that if he and I ended up together, he'd be just fine. He actually told me he wanted to marry me one day. And not in a over-the-top way. He was just letting me know his intentions. And like Carrie, I sort of freaked out. I felt like ending up with Light would be settling and I couldn't figure out why. He was a lovely guy. Definitely one the of best boyfriends I've ever had. He was the kind of guy who would come over at 3 o'clock in the morning to kill a spider for me. There wasn't much he would do for me. And after about 8 months, he learned how to gift properly. Some of my favorite jewelry was from him. But eventually, we broke up because I saw myself going somewhere else. I broke up with him shortly before graduation. It was a very emotional decision that I didn't regret.

And while I never cheated on Light with Bad the way Carrie cheated on Aidan with Big, Bad did play a role. There was something about him that Light could never be and that only justified my thinking that I would be settling. I doubt I would've made the same decision today, but that was who I was three years ago. So I walked away from him. But yeah, I've always seen Aidan as Carrie's one-who-got-away, and that's who Light is for me. He's also one of my few exes that I rarely speak to. I wonder how he's doing. Maybe I'll run into him on vacation like Carrie is going to run into Aidan on SATC 2. Could be interesting since I'm such a different person now. Being in 2.5 bad relationships can do that to a person.

How My Love Life Is Like Sex and the City, Part 1

So, most of my friends and I refer to the men in my life as various men in Carrie's life from Sex and the City. I'll explain how my life fits (and how it doesn't) in a series of posts. So here are the main players:

Carrie: me (duh, lol)
Big: Bad
Aidan: Light
The Russian: PT
Berger: the Ex

There are also some really close comparisons with some of the smaller, less important men over the years the show has run, but they don't much warrant a mission.

So, let's start with how Bad is my Big. We basically shared a passion for passion. We enjoyed each other's company, but when I decided I wanted more, he couldn't give me what I wanted. Then we decided we should be friends right around the time he got a Natasha. Natasha is one of his exes. He was so serious about this girl. She was his first real grown up relationship.

So now, Bad and I are just friends; he's one of my best friends. But there is a divergence here. He's no longer with Natasha, now he's with Jordan. And when he had his moment of thinking maybe we should have another try, I said no. I'm so glad I did because it preserved our friendship and I truly think he would've picked Jordan anyway in the end, leaving my ass hanging out to dry.

So we have this situation where I'm invested in him as a friend and don't want anything more. He's so in love with Jordan and is invested in me as a friend and doesn't want anything more. So the Carrie-and-Big-ending-up-together thing isn't in my future. We stopped where Carrie and Big were friends and before the cheating started. By the way, I always thought Carrie and Big were such selfish assholes for sneaking around like that. Who cares if you love the people you're hurting?! Quit being greedy and pick one person!

But anyways, in Part 2, I'll explain how Light is my Aidan.

All My Eggs In One Basket, No More!

Since I've decided not to put all my eggs in the PT basket, I need to figure out what else I should be doing. I figure I can multi-task at the job fair tomorrow and see if I can meet and interesting guy while meeting an interesting job offer.

I think it could be fun to do something like speed dating too. But I'm honestly not in a position to meet guys. I get hit on a lot when I'm out, but I mean actually meeting someone worthwhile in a situation where we can appraise each other for real potential. I met PT at a party neither of us was supposed to be at. I met the Ex when I was 11 and we kept popping up in each other's lives til we started dating. Light was in my group of friends and pursued me until I agreed to date him. Adam was a friend-turned-lover. I just don't know how to meet men that aren't accidentally placed there by fate or timing or whatever.

So, I need some suggestions on what I can do. I'm not completely comfortable with internet dating sites. I tried that for like three weeks, but I found myself leaning towards the same prejudice I have when I meet a guy at a dance club. I need a better situation in which to start and acquaintance-ship (I make up words, forgive me).

I really want someone to share my life with. And I don't mean plotting on the next 60 years with someone before I even have a person in mind. I just mean I want someone who's there to try a new restaurant with me or go see a movie or sit on the beach and talk about books we've read. The moments in my life that I have, I'd like to have those moments with someone, you know?

PT Wants Me To Talk About My Feelings

Last night, when I was still upset that my father called me a dropout (there's a small rant about that in today's post on my other blog), I texted PT to tell him. My text basically said

My dad just called me a dropout. That just happened.

I didn't actually expect a response. He's always so busy, and Friday evenings is when he goes to pick up his daughter for the weekend. I figured he'd get back to me sometime Sunday afternoon. But he responded almost immediately, telling me that my dad is hurting. I responded back asking if that was supposed to be some sort of justification. He responded that it wasn't a justification, just a possible explanation. I can understand that. That's something I appreciate about PT, which is why I told him what happened.

But then he asked if I needed face time to discuss further what happened. Then I really wondered what I had done to give him the impression that I needed a more in depth emotional discussion. When I get emotional about things, it's cause I've just seen an awesome pair of shoes or it's the big ending to a rom-com, lol. I don't do emotional heart to hearts about hurt feelings!

And, I was partly irritated at PT because he's so busy. We were supposed to go out Thursday, but a late work dinner meeting thing ran super long. Then on Friday morning, he asked was I free Sunday evening. I hate the idea of being in the same city for a weekend and not seeing the person I'm seeing. What the fuck is that about? And I can't do Sunday evening, I need to be well-rested for the job fair on Monday. That's my first foray into the workin world and I need it to go well. What we should do is dinner Monday night, but he'll probably be too busy to do that, so I didn't even bother to suggest it. All of this led me to a conclusion:

Listening to my heart sucks! I like PT, a lot, so I felt justified in listening to my heart. I'm not pushing for some serious exclusive relationship hurtling towards marriage at a fast pace. I just don't want to feel like last on his list. I've been in that situation before and I have no desire to repeat it. So, I am planning on ignoring the part of me that wants only him and force myself to be more available to advances from new people. If I actually give someone an actual chance, maybe I'll find someone who wants what I want, and is able to do/be that now. This doesn't mean I'm walking away from PT, it just means that I'm no longer putting all my eggs in one basket. If he gets it together before I find someone else worthwhile, great. If not, oh well for him. He can just move on to unavoidably neglecting someone else.

Update on Top: so she's still in the full swing of not dating, but she's been talking on the phone to this guy that went to college with us. He's in a different state doing grad school. He's been telling her about how he was interested in her in college and stuff like that. She seems interested, but is keeping him at a distance because he's a southern boy and has already admitted to being the marrying type, and we all know Top is anti-marriage right now.