Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Lion's Life Wednesday: Changing Perceptions

***Lion is my best friend from college. He's a very focused young man working on getting his MD. This focus makes having a love life a very difficult undertaking. But he's making it happen somehow.***
Read Lion's Life Wednesday posts

Last week, I linked to an article that talked about how to have a successful long-distance relationship. Lion and his girlfriend Rudy measured up pretty, well, at least according to that article. That was definitely a fun post to write.

This week, I want to talk about perceptions. Last weekend, Lion had some time off between rotations. I think I mentioned it in my main blog, but not in the detail I'm about to cover here. In the time he had off, he and I hung out twice. That was a long for us since he's always so busy with school.

The first night, we hung out in Central West End and had ice cream and just sat and talked. We got to catch up. We speak on the phone and through text, but the catching up always seems to be more in-depth when you're face to face. Anyone else notice that? So we're catching up and I realize that because of our previous discussions being mostly via cell phone, we'd come up with some interesting perceptions of each other's relationships.

He had come to this conclusion that my boyfriend Easy is this emotional mess of a man. He's very wrong about that. The man is just not emotionally stifled like most of the people in my world. But I had this perception of "poor poor Rudy" when it comes to Lion's girlfriend. I know that they want different things out of life and that means they probably have an expiration date.

I keep hoping that she'll be okay with not having kids if it means being with Lion or that he'll suddenly decide he wants to be a dad. But making long-term decisions based on anything except who you are at that moment is silly. You can't plan on the hope that someone will change because if they don't, it's your fault for not accepting who they were when you signed up for those long term plans. But when it comes to Lion and Rudy, knowing they probably have this expiration date hasn't stopped them from becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and falling in love.

I was mostly thinking about her and how much it will hurt if they don't last. Also, I thought she would look back on their time together and all the years spent and she would feel like she'd wasted her 20s on him. But I never really thought about how it would affect him. I don't think Lion would feel like his 20s had been wasted, but I do think it would suck for him. He loves this girl and losing her will still hurt, no matter what reason or when it happens.

But I'm glad that he is doing what he can to make the most of the time they know for sure they'll have together. Next month should produce some great stories, I hope.

Now on to the other perception. The second night Lion and I hung out, Easy came with us, as well as one of his frat brothers. We went for drinks at the bar that Lion's family owns, then we went to a club. A strip club. I'd never been to a strip club with Lion or with Easy or in St. Louis. But Lion had been before. With that same frat brother, his cousin, his nephew (who's around our age), and his girlfriend Rudy. He told me that before, but I had forgotten that point.

While we were out, he was texting her. After telling her where we were, she responded saying that she hoped he had a stack of money with him. I laughed at that because it did not fit my perception of her or their relationship. I cannot imagine her actually being okay with him giving lots of money to strippers, getting a lap dance, or any other behavior that would require him to spend a "stack" of money. But I guess she's more okay with things than I thought. Either that or she's full of it and trying to be supportive instead of saying what she really meant. But my perception is altered enough.

Lion and Rudy are one couple that I've never invested heavily in. Part of that is because they live so far away and the last time I saw them together was damn near two years ago. And also, I feel like they probably have an expiration date. What can I say, dreaming about their wedding when it probably won't happen doesn't work for me.

But with my changing perceptions, I'm hoping there's room in there to invest more in them. Next month will be a good chance for me to observe them and decide if I want to become emotionally involved with them as a couple.

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