Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tip Top Tuesday: Why Be Single? It's The Best Option

***My girl Top is unique and one-of-a-kind. This makes the story of her love life especially interesting. Just when you think you've got her figured, she makes an unexpected move. She's my career-minded friend who's always focused on self-improvement. She's also super-independent yet a closet nurturer. Read and learn how to be fabulous.***
Read Tip Top Tuesday posts.

Last week, I linked to three posts all with "Single and Happy" in the title. I was glad to have found articles that discussed a woman's desire to be single and that she may actually be happier as a single person and prefer that to being in a relationship.

This week, I don't really have much to add in terms of Top's life and her single-ness. If there's more going on, we just haven't discussed it yet. But I also don't want to troll the internet looking for links to post again. So I will talk about what I think are some of the influences on Top that inform how she views the world and responds to it. She and I haven't discussed this yet, so I'm also interested in hearing what she has to say after she reads what I have to say.

Top's Family
The women in Top's family have an interesting history with men. From multiple husbands, or long marriages that aren't as happy as they could be, Top has a lot of examples of women who end up in situations they would rather not be in. That's not unusual by any means, or at least I don't think so because the same thing applies to women in my family. But I think as the years wear on, people find themselves in less than satisfying situations. I think that seeing this in a lot of the relationships of her family might make Top hesitant about entering a situation that seems doomed destined to turn out that way.

Top's Friends
Most of Top's friends have messy situations when it comes to relationships. One has been pining after the same man for well over a decade with no indication from him since they broke up around college that they ever had a chance of re-kindling their romance. Another is with a man she's settling for, but is embracing the comfort now even though she's sure to regret it later. Another has desires for serious relationships, but he is far too carefree to make a relationship work for a long period of time. Lord only knows how one should describe what types of mess I've gotten into over the years that she's had to help me through. And Top is the sounding board for these friends. How can you watch these people fall into pitfall after pitfall and think you'll be the one lucky person to find someone who won't turn you into a mess?

Top's Relationship History
I don't want to go into too much detail, cause I never sought permission to discuss these matters. But all Top's boyfriends were great until they weren't anymore. And when they weren't great anymore, they weren't just bad, they were horrific and terrible and ghastly. It was bad. She has more than one ex who still calls her regularly because of not being able to move on or some sense of still wanting to be involved or for whatever unhealthy reason. Who would want to add another person inevitably to those ranks?

I don't see Top as a pessimistic person (more realistic, not very optimistic) and I doubt she sees these situations the way I do. But I just think that having all of that around you invariably makes one question whether it's worth it to try and get involved with someone who will turn out to be a mess, or selfish, or a burden over time. If you look at it that way, it's definitely better to be single. Definitely.

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